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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still be insulted about being called "fatter"

78 replies

holdmycake · 23/06/2019 17:39

We were at a drinks party last night and I was talking to two female acquaintances of a similar age to me (early 50s). One of them commented that I didn't have have any wrinkles around my eyes like she did but then swiftly followed it up with "because you're fatter than me". I was shocked and said "did you just say because you're fatter than me" and she laughed and nodded. For the record I'm not skinny but at 5'6 and around 9 stone I'm not really fat. She is very skinny though. I was stunned into silence but I'm going to bring it up with her next time I see her - in fact I will refer to it every time I see her from now on.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 23/06/2019 17:41

‘Yes - being haggard like you is quite aging’

Twat. Her obvs.

WindsweptEgret · 23/06/2019 17:42

Would you be okay with someone saying 'because you're skinnier than me'?

Sarahjconnor · 23/06/2019 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TroysMammy · 23/06/2019 17:42

I'm the same weight and 6 inches shorter than you so by your "friend's" estimation I must be morbidly obese even though I'm a size 12 and my bmi is 25. She's a twat.

OwlinaTree · 23/06/2019 17:42

She sounds like a bitch. I'd just leave it and avoid her tbh. I'd be telling people who knew us what she said though!

TantricTwist · 23/06/2019 17:42

How did the other woman react to this breathtakingly rude comment of hers?

Finfintytint · 23/06/2019 17:43

Wouldn’t bring it up again. It would make it seem you are obsessed with image.

Scarydinosaurs · 23/06/2019 17:44

I would be upset if the ‘because you’re skinnier than me’ was designed to put me down, yes I would be offended- and I’m sure the OP was too.

It all depends on the delivery. And ‘fatter’ doesn’t seem to be the right word given neither of you are ‘fat’.

‘My face is more gaunt’ or ‘your skin is plumper’ would be better.

I never understand why friends are mean to each other. I feel really lucky that my friends are nice.

WindsweptEgret · 23/06/2019 17:44

It's a comparison, she wasn't calling you fat. It's like 'taller than me' if I was 5ft 0 and you were 5ft 3.

bridgetreilly · 23/06/2019 17:45

Well, but you are fatter than her. That doesn't make either of you fat. I really don't see why there is so much sensitivity about that word. It's ridiculous.

redcarbluecar · 23/06/2019 17:47

Some people say the weirdest things. Perhaps she’s one of those who thinks she ‘tells it like it is’ and doesn’t appreciate that some language is a bit sensitive. Ignore and don’t bring it up with her again.

QueenBeee · 23/06/2019 17:47

If you wait for opportunities to get back at her it keeps it alive in your head. You don't have wrinkles, be glad it's notable and forget her.

Kyogre · 23/06/2019 17:53

I agree with PP

You are fatter than her. She is ‘very skinny’ and you are ‘fatter’ than that. I can’t see how that’s rude seeing as you obviously are a slim person.

If she had said you are fat then that would have been a whole different matter.

Pinkmouse6 · 23/06/2019 17:55

I’m an inch taller than you and the slimmest I have been in adulthood is 10 stone. I looked very, very slim at that weight and people were passing comments.

9 stone is extremely slim for your height imo, your friend is an absolute twat.

FrownPrincess · 23/06/2019 18:05

My friend said that to me once!

She said it without malice, she was just stating a fact and I wasn’t offended, although I was slightly surprised by her bluntness ... but she is extremely slim and constantly monitors what she eats (she had anorexia when she was young), whereas I have the willpower of a two year old and a love of chocolate so weigh about 20 kilos more than her. And yes, she’s much more lined than me.

Original poster
holdmycake · 23/06/2019 19:30

As I was expecting, quite a range of opinions. I agree with those who said that it's true because undoubtedly it is true - she's probably a good stone lighter than me and that's why she might looks a bit more haggard. However I wouldn't dream of saying something like that to her or anyone else. I will definitely bring it up again in a jokey way just to remind her of her rudeness. For the record she'd had a few glasses of prosecco so it clearly made her more candid than normal. To the poster who asked how the other woman reacted, I'd say she was just a bit open mouthed.

OP posts:
lljkk · 23/06/2019 19:35

I'm in YABU camp.
Either being fat is bad or it isn't. If it's nothing to be ashamed about, then it's nothing to be insulted by.
So OP is the one with harsh opinions about what it means to be fat, not the person who commented on something that could be mere fact.

Fairylea · 23/06/2019 19:38

She shouldn’t have said it but I couldn’t bring myself to get upset over it. You’ve said yourself she’d had a few drinks and you’re definitely not overweight - maybe if you were she wouldn’t have said it, it sounds like she just said it without thinking because it’s the truth, almost like she was giving you a weird compliment if she was truly very slim! People can be really odd!

YouJustDoYou · 23/06/2019 19:40

Oh my gosh, I wish I was only 9 stone at that height

BenWillbondsPants · 23/06/2019 19:42

Of course it's rude. I doubt many people would like someone saying to them 'you're fatter than me' true or not. There's no need to be so unkind and people know they're doing it.

Snidpan · 23/06/2019 19:45

yeah, she didn't mean you were fat, just not as scrawny as her.

forkfun · 23/06/2019 19:46

God, I hate people who give these types of 'compliments' to make themselves feel better.
You have no lines, but only because you are fatter than me.
Your new haircut is SOOOO much better than before!
Don't you look great in blue? All that black you usually wear makes you look washed out.

Just know that this woman is clearly someone who harbours jealousy. Forget about that stupid comment.

Notthetoothfairy · 23/06/2019 19:49

I would have been very offended and wouldn’t bother with someone like that much.

RonaldMcDonald · 23/06/2019 19:49

I don’t see the problem, you are fatter and less wrinkly than her
Why is everyone so hung up on the word fat

redcarbluecar · 23/06/2019 19:51

I can't imagine even passing comment on someone's wrinkles or lack thereof, unless my opinion had been directly solicited - and even then I'd feel uncomfortable. People are different I guess.