To think DH is a bastard about this (Miscarriage related)

[Want2727]

Started with a very early miscarriage last Thursday afternoon. Spend most of the rest of the day and the Friday bleeding, in pain and upset. DH was kind of supportive but I went all day without him offering to make me so much as a drink.
Yesterday I pulled myself together and DH and I did a lot of work in the garden. DH never once asked how I was. Last night I worked a 12 hour shift which finished at 9 this morning.

I was exhausted and passed some clots so I got in and said I wanted to to go to bed. DH obviously not happy as he wanted to to do more in the garden and wanted my help in that and keeping DS entertained.

At 12.30 he sent DS to come and wake me, I asked if I could have a bit longer as I just passed a clot the size of my fist. DH not happy but agrees.

I came down at 3 and since then DH has just curled up on the sofa snoozing. He has done nothing with DS just sat him in front of the I pad all day while he watched sport.

Not given me a hug or asked how I was I have just got attitude.

He works 20 hours a week so not a huge amount. I have done 42 hours this week.

AIBU to think he should have let me rest for most of the day and done something with DS.

OP so sorry for your loss
Cannot believe there are apologists for your H.

Please see your GP; get signed off work and get your iron levels checked. It’s going to take you time to physically recover leave alone the emotional stress

Seriously, now is not the time to be thinking about divorce as so many pp have said You are going through something quite awful.. Rest. Rest your body and mind, look after yourself and things will seem clearer soon.

@GertrudeCB

No.
I'm asking why she is doing that!!!
If she's miscarrying she shouldn't be at work, surely? If that doesn't count as sick leave then what the fuck does?

Wanted to add: forget him upping his poxy 20 hours a week - just leave the bastard.

Having been through losing clots and needing blood transfusions to recover, I’m pretty sure you will need a good month of iron supplements at the very least to recover and get your physical strength back.

@BIWI reading between the lines the OP carried on because that's what her husband expects.

Disgusting behaviour from your partner 😔
Really feel for you and sorry for the loss of your pregnancy x

Yes @GertrudeCB hence why I said he's a twat

I would question why the OP's DH is behaving l like this. There must be a reason. There always is. OP, do you think you could sit down with him and explain how you feel? It may open up a way for him to express his feelings too

What’s good about him?

I think you should leave him and find someone who actually cares about you

@BIWI to be fair your first post wasn't clear (to coin a phrase - had mixed messages), apart from the he's a twat bit.

Can see why GertrudeCB responded to it tbh.

sounds the most uncompassionate person ever. you should not be working or gardening you should be tucked up in bed resting and recuperating sending a big virtual hug

He’s an absolute disgusting disgrace of a person. Don’t spend any more of your precious life with him. I’m so furious on your behalf. I thought I was the only person who would tolerate/ expect such awful horrible callous treatment. I’m obviously not. Please learn your worth and leave him.

shocking.
im so sorry OP.

@BIWI I misunderstood your post, apologies.

He has lost a baby too. Just because he is behaving like a dick doesn't mean he isn't feeling it.

I used to work night shift and I had a coworker who had an abusive fiancée who would do shitty things like this-she had low self esteem and stayed with him despite the rest of us telling her to end the abusive relationship.
Is he mourning the multiple miscarriages? Only the OP would know that answer

Is there a reason why he only works 20 hours a week?

You need the money cos he is working 20 hrs a week.

He has lost a baby too. Just because he is behaving like a dick doesn't mean he isn't feeling it

Yes, his behaviour is absolute evidence of that

Have you read the OP's posts?

No excuse. None. He's a pig.

Hi I'm so sorry for your losses I myself have had three and they break you x my husband always seemed to just accept what happened and got on with things and I hated him for feeling so little for our baby after my last miscarriage in February things blew up and we had this big row about how lonely I felt in my losses and he explained he cannot attach himself in the same way as I do as too him the baby just isn't real yet wasn't real. I kind of got it after that but still felt hurt.
In the rawness of everything we reconnected and I fell pregnant straight away with no cycle in between so I'm now 16 weeks.
What I'm trying to say is Sometimes it's not quite so black and white my husband is a lovely loyal supportive man but he just doesn't know how to be open and vulnerable with me when I'm hurting he wants to be a strong man who will carry us forward maybe your husband doesn't know how to act with the losses? Honestly I kept entering into my pregnancy's thinking they would end so even myself I was becoming numb to the pain of the loss if that makes sense. I do hope you find peace which ever path you take I know trying for a baby becomes the bee all and end. Its difficult to step away from that yearning. I wish you all the best 💐

I would question why the OP's DH is behaving l like this. There must be a reason. There always is.

He's an arsehole. That's his reason.

OP, do get yourself checked out medically. Those clots don't sound good to me.

*@MulticolourMophead *

Good advice. I had clots like that, you really should go and see somebody to get checked.. Hugs xxx