To think DH is a bastard about this (Miscarriage related)

[Want2727]

Started with a very early miscarriage last Thursday afternoon. Spend most of the rest of the day and the Friday bleeding, in pain and upset. DH was kind of supportive but I went all day without him offering to make me so much as a drink.
Yesterday I pulled myself together and DH and I did a lot of work in the garden. DH never once asked how I was. Last night I worked a 12 hour shift which finished at 9 this morning.

I was exhausted and passed some clots so I got in and said I wanted to to go to bed. DH obviously not happy as he wanted to to do more in the garden and wanted my help in that and keeping DS entertained.

At 12.30 he sent DS to come and wake me, I asked if I could have a bit longer as I just passed a clot the size of my fist. DH not happy but agrees.

I came down at 3 and since then DH has just curled up on the sofa snoozing. He has done nothing with DS just sat him in front of the I pad all day while he watched sport.

Not given me a hug or asked how I was I have just got attitude.

He works 20 hours a week so not a huge amount. I have done 42 hours this week.

AIBU to think he should have let me rest for most of the day and done something with DS.

I really don’t think having another child with this person is a good idea, do you? You poor thing, please look after yourself.

I would not be procreating with him again because I'd never have sex with him again. He's a lazy twat.

My ex h was like this after IVF failing.I eventually divorced him.

Ur husband has definitely behaved terribly but

could it be a thing of that because he isn’t himself having the miscarriage and carrying a baby, he becomes more used to you having miscarriages and sort of expects it when you announce you are pregnant ?

Men often struggle to connect with unborn children till they are born.

not excusing his behaviour but trying to understand it

Not in anyway excusing his behavior, which has been despicable. But maybe, just maybe he is devastated and doesn't know how to behave except to detach emotionally and carry on as if nothing has happened. Again, not condoning his behavior in anyway, but it might just be that this is a massive blow to him too.
Sending you a hug x

I'm sorry for your loss 💐

I'm also sorry you are married to a selfish fuckwit
NO excuses for him

Does he realise how unwell you are?
I think another poster suggested that if you bravely struggle on, people think you're ok when you're not. Is it possible he saw you doing a night shift, and gardening and thought " oh, she must be feeling alright"?
I suspect you might be underlplaying this - if that is the case , put yourself to bed, and ask him to call NH S Direct about the blood clots. You may need to go to A&E, you may need a D&C.
GEt medical advice first, then tell him you are going to rest until you've recovered, and he 'll have to step up.

You work 42 hours, he works 20, and while you are actively passing clots, miscarrying his child, he tries to get you to get up so you can help sort the garden and entertain the kids?

Was he dropped on his head as a child, or is he just an unrepentant arsehole?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I just don't know what to say. His behaviour and expectations are so off.

I echo most PPs in most of their comments. So I'll just add a gentle hand-hold and I hope you do ring the doctors to get it checked.

I’m sorry about your miscarriage (and the previous 5 too). It’s just so physically and mentally difficult.

Try and concentrate on you and your son. Your DP has behaved very badly but you don’t have to make any decisions about him until you feel better.

WTF. Who cares about a goddamned garden at a time like this. This is wrong.

I think he thinks it is just a heavy period.

My DH wouldn't expect me to work in the garden if I were having a heavy period!

I’m so sorry for your loss . I would honestly be contemplating divorce. You need to have a frank conversation with him, this just isn’t acceptable. You have been through a trauma, both physically and emotionally, and he isn’t even willing to let you sleep after a 12 hour shift at work ffs.

He’s selfish and inconsiderate.

I hate to say this OP but this I've been through very similar.

I had a miscarriage, collapsed in the hospital on the way to the toilet and ended up being kept in for over a week to recover from the epic amount of blood loss.

My husband saw fit to take himself into work the day after I miscarried (Monday) and he was prompted sent back home by his boss! He then decided he was having a "jolly" and posted pics of him and our then 2 year old playing on the beach etc. In the entire week I was there he popped in 2/3 times DESPITE being off work the entire time! I was in a foreign hospital with limited ability to speak the language (which was his native tongue!).

He then had a moan about the hospital fees when I got allowed to return home. He then never mentioned the miscarriage. Never once asked me how I was feeling.

The entire situation was a light bulb moment for me - I thought why on earth am I wasting my time/life in this "so called" marriage. I took my son and flew back home.

Never looked back.

I'm now (6 years later) living with a man who adores me and would never dream of treating me so shoddily. My son adores him and we are all very happy.

Wow. Maybe this is a sign to walk hun....

So sorry OP
I had an early miscarriage when I was with my ex - note EXH - and he went off to work when I was having it as he was Soooo busy!
Could not even imagine my now DP behaving in the same way.
Please look after yourself, and think long and hard as to whether you want to stay with someone like this.

Oh love. So sorry. He sounds like an utter unsupportive dick and you deserve so much better.

There's the classic saying on here "when someone shows you who they really are, believe them".

He doesn't care about you. One bit. Is that the marriage you imagined?

Get yourself to your GP tomorrow, get checked over and get signed off so you can recover. I'm sorry for your loss

What a twat .

Sorry for your loss. Must you stay with this oaf? I'm sure you deserve better.

He sounds horrible op. I am so sorry for your miscarriage, and I feel furious on your behalf that this man is treating you so badly. Unforgivable.

He is a twat.

But ...

... if you are miscarrying, why are you working and doing the garden?

You’re giving mixed messages here - you’re fine to work/garden but then need to be in bed?

Please see your GP tomorrow and take this week off sick. You need to rest and look after yourself- especially since your H isn’t doing so.

You might want to spend some of that time reflecting on all of this. He has been truly horrid. So sorry.

@BIWI did you miss the part about the 12 hour night shift ? As in, been awake and working all night? Y'know HAD NO FUCKING SLEEP ??

Sorry about your sad loss 💐💐💐

Lost for words about your husband - what a nasty self-centred piece of work.

Definitely second getting yourself to your GP and signed off work so that you can recover.

(Perhaps your lazy arse of a husband can increase his poxy 20 hours per week).