To think DH is a bastard about this (Miscarriage related)

[Want2727]

Started with a very early miscarriage last Thursday afternoon. Spend most of the rest of the day and the Friday bleeding, in pain and upset. DH was kind of supportive but I went all day without him offering to make me so much as a drink.
Yesterday I pulled myself together and DH and I did a lot of work in the garden. DH never once asked how I was. Last night I worked a 12 hour shift which finished at 9 this morning.

I was exhausted and passed some clots so I got in and said I wanted to to go to bed. DH obviously not happy as he wanted to to do more in the garden and wanted my help in that and keeping DS entertained.

At 12.30 he sent DS to come and wake me, I asked if I could have a bit longer as I just passed a clot the size of my fist. DH not happy but agrees.

I came down at 3 and since then DH has just curled up on the sofa snoozing. He has done nothing with DS just sat him in front of the I pad all day while he watched sport.

Not given me a hug or asked how I was I have just got attitude.

He works 20 hours a week so not a huge amount. I have done 42 hours this week.

AIBU to think he should have let me rest for most of the day and done something with DS.

My ex did something similar when I had an early miscarriage years ago. He virtually ignored the fact it was happening and even cancelled an anniversary night away in a hotel in his rage, why I cannot even remember.
Many years later when we had just separated due to his infidelity ( and yes I should have dumped him years earlier ) I found a payment to a florist from our account. I queried this as you do when newly separated and trying to make sense and find proof of it all. His response was that he had sent the flowers to a work colleague who had suffered a miscarriage. He had never ever even acknowledged mine.

OP you can't go on like this if you want to stay married. You need to talk to him especially as he has got more unsupportive with each miscarriage.

I know this sounds horrible but in a way I feel relieved having another child would not have been good.

What an utter dick for treating you like that, I'm so sorry OP take some time to process everything and then think about whether he is worth being in a relationship with long term.

I'd be more concerned about passing a clot the size of your fist with a very early miscarriage, Op. That isn't really normal.

What the fuck OP?

This man is seriously lacking in empathy, it is very worrying.

OP, you really should see a doctor to make sure there are no retained products. Sorry, that sounds harsh and clinical, but it is important.

Your husband is a disgrace. He clearly does not care about you at all.

I am so sorry you have been through so many miscarriages. You need love, care and support. Do you have any family or close friends near you?

Basically he thought I should finish the night shift and just carry on for the rest of the day.

This is shitty behaviour without anything else happening. But after a miscarriage? Words don't cover it. He's an absolute arsehole.

If my husband woke me up after that little sleep following a 12 night shift I would punch him straight in the face.

In fact, after a 12 hour night shift my husband used to make me breakfast, send me off to bed and make sure I wasn't disturbed, often taking the kids out if it was a weekend. That's normal OP.

What an absolute wanker he is. Sorry for your loss x

He is an utter disgrace: he should have found some childcare for your son, and been with you to hold your hand and take care of you. I'd confront him with it, having gone through this myself. I'd be dragging him into the bathroom and showing him what a clot looks like when you lose your baby. Make him understand what a miscarriage is, as much as you can. And then I'd be reminding him that it's happening over the course of the days. And remind him that this is time number six.

I'm so sorry for your losses, six is a number I cannot even imagine and I wish you all the best

I'm going with absolute wanker

and he wasn't kind or supportive if he didn't even offer to make you a drink.

I think he thinks yesterday I was ok (i wasn’t just battled through) so why am I not ok today.

The more it goes the more I believe that we, as women, should stop battling through when we are unwell. Because it is always taken as the sign that we arent that unwell and us saying we are kackered/unwell/in pain is just being 'hysterical' aka it's not true.
And then, of corse, when said men then have abit of a cold, they have no issue laying thick aout how crap they feel and we should be there to care for them.
Maybe we should sart acting like them so we can be taken serioulsy. Starting with painful periods, night shifts etc etc

Perhaps you should stop trying to have any more children until he proves he can be a decent father to the child he already has & a decent husband to you.

Yes this ^^

I’m so sorry OP for your losses. you need taking care of at a time like this.

I second a PP suggestion (as someone who has been where you are and also used to work as a gynae nurse) that floats the size of your fist need looking into. You should present to EPU/EPAU and be scanned to make sure you don’t have retained placenta tissue. If left untreated it can cause a uterine infection

It all sounds pretty unforgivable really.

*clots not floats

Bloody autocorrect

I think I'd rather be alone than with someone like your DH.

I'd take yourself off for a few days to be fussed over by your parents/sister/brother/good friend.
Might make he realise.

Might make him realise.

What a bastard. Sorry for your loss.

I don't think he has taken it hard. He is just a prick!

is this his customary modus operandi?

Leave him, leave him, LEAVE HIM. It's not wine love, he won't get better with age !!! You just might. Bet on yourself.

I'm so sorry OP. He sounds very selfish and you deserve so much better, especially at a time like this.

I hope its the case that he's just taking the news badly and you can work through it, but if not is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? One of the main advantages of being married is to have someone to love and take care of you (and vice versa).

I'd think he was a dick in these circumstances even minus the miscarriage.
With it, I think it's a bit unforgivable really...and I rarely say that.

Get yourself tucked up in bed OP. Have you a friend or family that can come and look after you a bit?
Sending you lots of love and a virtual cup of tea bought to you in bed which is the very least that you deserve--and you actually deserve a lot more than that.

Hes a dick. Who fuckin does that? wether its your 1st miscarriage or your 50th, who behaves that way? Knobhead.