To not want to go on cruise PIL have partly paid for?

[dessertmissthecream]

PIL recentely sold their villa in Spain as in their words "we got bored of it". They had a bit of a financial breakdown a while after selling the villa and have been left with a lot less disposable money. Because of this they want to start winding down on the big holiday's and stay more UK based. At Christmas they told us they had booked a cruise for August because they wanted one last big holiday before they stopped. We would go to the Spain villa with them every other year and were there 2 years ago when DS (2) was a few months old. We are technically due to go away with them again this year and they asked us in February. I said we'd think about it and then the idea fizzled out.

Last week DH sat me down and said that though MIL has not mentioned it to me she is quite upset we aren't coming on her last big holiday and that we are running out of time to get tickets. He told me that she has offered to pay for me and DD if we will come which I felt very uncomfortable for but he says it's no different to us getting a cheap holiday at the villa. I ended up saying yes out of guilt.

However I cannot stop worrying. I'm 4 months pregnant and will be 6 months gone by the time we leave and it's a 2 week trip around southern Europe etc. I've heard horror stories of women going into premature labour etc on ships miles away from land with no proper medical help for mum or baby, and DS was 7 weeks early. DS is currently in an awful phase (GP reckons might have ASD) and isn't sleeping, is still potty training and has tantrums daily. We'd either stay with him all day and have him exhuast us or have to leave him in a creche which I couldn't do. I am exhausted. And to top it all off, I am scared shitless of water. Always have been, never learnt to swim. And yes I know you don't go on a cruise ship to have a nice dip in the ocean but eek. Doesn't help it's in the Top 10 biggest cruise ships. There's so much more I've read as well about norovirus breaking out on the ship etc. It sounds bloody awful and I'd much rather drive 3 hours to Cornwall and stay in a caravan for a week by the beach.

Am I being an ungrateful cow if I make an excuse as to why we can't go to PIL? Is it my place considering it's DH's parents?

If you have said yes now then it makes it much harder to not go really. You should have said no at the time of asking not agreed.

That said it may actually be hard to get a child’s place this close in as they are limited to numbers on each ship by maritime law.

From our experiences (p and o) cruises are fantastic for my autistic son and actually the only overseas holiday I would contemplate with him

Check the terms for the cruise line actually allowing you to travel as many have restrictions on how many weeks pregnant you can be because of possible issues.

MIL claims the company says it's up to 28 weeks on the day you leave.

Check it yourself as most are 24 weeks. For example Royal Caribbean etc

if you don't want to go, don't go
apologise etc

will there be costs, can you pay what you owe?

Check with your midwife, the travel insurance, the actual cruise line - I wouldn't want to be on a ship at 6 months with a history of premature labour. I'd apologise profusely and say you really don't want to risk it.

It sounds as if you are looking for reasons to not go. If you don’t want to go - just say you don’t want to go. It’s fine to not want to go.

Most cruise lines have a rule of 24 weeks or less at the date of embarkation.

If you don't want to go then don't, but if they've paid then you need to pay them back. It's not fair for them to be out of pocket for you changing your mind.

You're not going to be miles away from land with no medical help. If you need help that the ship's medical staff cannot provide then you'd be airlifted, which can happen in next to no time. Obviously travel insurance is a must for a cruise, but the chances of you having to use it are very low.

It wouldn’t appeal to me either, for all the reasons you’ve mentioned. Has she actually booked you on to it yet or not? If not then I think you just need to say you’re too anxious about going while pregnant and your midwife has advised against it given your history, and that you’d be happy to do a UK holiday with them another time? They can’t really be annoyed, if they are then they’re being a bit selfish about it. Unless they’ve actually already paid for you in which case you’ll have to pay them back.

The trip sounds like my worse nightmare so I sympathise OP

I went on a cruise when I was 24 weeks preg. The limit was 26 weeks so I narrowly made the window!
Check the terms of the cruise liner

Def checks the T&c's as mil may be being economical with the truth if she is used to getting her own way...
You could say your mw wasn't happy with the idea given your pfb was premature..

FWIW they’re almost all 24 weeks limit for pregnant ladies so I doubt you’d be able to go. You can easily find the conditions of carriage online.

If you do go I can vouch that the kids’ clubs are absolutely fantastic and your little one would probably love it. They accommodate children from age 2 and usually have a playroom where you can accompany them if you don’t want to leave them. And in terms of medical facilities, there is a doctor and medical team on board and even a mini ward set up to be like an intensive care room, so you needn’t worry too much about that.

I wouldn't want to go on a cruise with a young child and while 6 months pregnant.

It seems like a lovely gesture from them and they shouldn't be out of pocket because you e changed your mind.

You absolutely should have checked regarding how late in pregnancy you were travelling yourself though.

They are not your keepers, if you don't want to go don't go
Put foot down now, draw your boundaries now or they'll walk all over you

I wouldn't go on a cruise with my PIL if the entire thing was free! Sounds like 2 weeks of absolute hell.
Say you've had your latest meeting with your midwife and they discussed your DC arriving prematurely and you mentioned the cruise and they advised against it...

It doesn’t appeal to me at all but I’m sure you won’t be trapped on board if anything happened. They won’t go that far from land anyway and will be able to transfer you I’m sure.
Also not sure why you wouldn’t use the crèche if available. Your ds might love it and you’d get a much needed rest.
Can your dh swim? If so he can take ds in the pools etc again while you rest.
In fact with four adults and one child you should get far more rest than at home surely?

I'd speak to the midwife/gp. If they advise against it then you may be able to claim the money back for your ILs.

are the tickets purchased or have you just said yes at this stage?

If they haven't yet booked the tickets then say you've changed your mind for the reasons you've outlined. If they have then you'll have to suck it up.

It sounds to me like you could 1) check properly about the pregnancy dates stuff, then - since it is only a week since you "reluctantly agreed", 2) say to MIL "I really hope you haven't booked for us yet, I've been checking and I'm not sure I'll be allowed to go on it then, and not sure that the travel insurance will cover me given that DS was prem", then 3) if necessary see if there is.a get-out clause on the booking given it is only a few days since it might have been made.

Alternatively, it might be a manageable trip. I'd try out a creche in those circumstances just half an hour or an hour to start with, it might as others have said give you a rest.

Hope you can find the right outcome and that it works out for you. And best wishes for this pregancy going longer than your first.

Have they managed to get tickets ?

Can you get insurance? I would’ve thought the cost of a 6 month pregnant passenger with a history of premature labour (and yes you’d need to declare that to the insurance company) would be horrific?

Check the cruise company's restrictions on how many weeks pg you can be - don't take MiL's word for it. And check that you can get insurance, you may not be able to