To not want to go on cruise PIL have partly paid for?

[dessertmissthecream]

PIL recentely sold their villa in Spain as in their words "we got bored of it". They had a bit of a financial breakdown a while after selling the villa and have been left with a lot less disposable money. Because of this they want to start winding down on the big holiday's and stay more UK based. At Christmas they told us they had booked a cruise for August because they wanted one last big holiday before they stopped. We would go to the Spain villa with them every other year and were there 2 years ago when DS (2) was a few months old. We are technically due to go away with them again this year and they asked us in February. I said we'd think about it and then the idea fizzled out.

Last week DH sat me down and said that though MIL has not mentioned it to me she is quite upset we aren't coming on her last big holiday and that we are running out of time to get tickets. He told me that she has offered to pay for me and DD if we will come which I felt very uncomfortable for but he says it's no different to us getting a cheap holiday at the villa. I ended up saying yes out of guilt.

However I cannot stop worrying. I'm 4 months pregnant and will be 6 months gone by the time we leave and it's a 2 week trip around southern Europe etc. I've heard horror stories of women going into premature labour etc on ships miles away from land with no proper medical help for mum or baby, and DS was 7 weeks early. DS is currently in an awful phase (GP reckons might have ASD) and isn't sleeping, is still potty training and has tantrums daily. We'd either stay with him all day and have him exhuast us or have to leave him in a creche which I couldn't do. I am exhausted. And to top it all off, I am scared shitless of water. Always have been, never learnt to swim. And yes I know you don't go on a cruise ship to have a nice dip in the ocean but eek. Doesn't help it's in the Top 10 biggest cruise ships. There's so much more I've read as well about norovirus breaking out on the ship etc. It sounds bloody awful and I'd much rather drive 3 hours to Cornwall and stay in a caravan for a week by the beach.

Am I being an ungrateful cow if I make an excuse as to why we can't go to PIL? Is it my place considering it's DH's parents?

It’s a difficult situation as you’ve already agreed to go.
Check the cruise lines policy on travelling in pregnancy yourself because it may be that you aren’t able to travel anyway in which case it’s out of your hands.

I think on a practical level you shouldn’t be going. DC1 was born prematurely and in my second pregnancy I was reluctant to go more than a three hour drive away from my chosen hospital once I got beyond 28 weeks, let alone on a cruise!

I can understand why they are disappointed completely, but unfortunately sometimes things don’t go the way we want them to in life and we have to accept that and take it on the chin. Your reasons for wanting to stay home are perfectly valid and not at all made to cause animosity and friction with your family. I think you need to explain gently that you were too hasty agreeing to come, that now you’ve had some more headspace and time to think about it you’re concerned and think it’s for the best that you give this trip a miss.

I wouldn’t take the risk of a norovirus outbreak when you’ll be 6 months pregnant. Add to that your previous child being 7 weeks prem? Not a chance. Your DH should be backing you up not making you feel guilty.

On a cruise ship with them or in a villa?

It's not as if you've never been away with them & hopefully there will be enough to do & there are three other adults to looks after your kid(s)?

That's as long as you're allowed at 6months, of course.

If not, well there's your answer!

Tell them straightaway you've changed your mind. You don't need to be rushed into this, it may be their idea of a dream holiday but it isn't yours.

Fwiw, you can book cruises right up to the last minute, no need to panic about running out of time. Also you can book them ages and ages ahead.

You're due for a family holiday in two years time, tell them you'll do the cruise then. I think you might really enjoy it actually as there will be plenty to occupy your eldest. You could even try a v short taster cruise to try it out first.

They are trying to dominate and control you whilst you are pregnant and vulnerable
Doesn't sound good to me
I would be saying to myself 'I'm the important one, I'm pregnant, I must put my well-being first' and act accordingly

With your history of premature labour it’s fine to say no to this holiday. Tell DH that youve changed your mind and you won’t be going. You were bullied into agreeing without time to consider all the implications and as a responsible adult have realised that you made the wrong decision.

It would be a no from me. But pay them if they've lost a deposit.

I wouldn’t go (apart from the fact that cruises just don’t appeal to me), I wouldn’t want to be out at sea if anything were to happen with your pregnancy. I think you should just explain this to DH and then he can deal with his DM.

My MIL invited us on a cruise when DS was two, and she would pay. Well, it actually transpired that she wanted DH and DS to go and not me, if I wanted to go I had to pay for myself (her words). Fine, no problem, I didn’t want to go so wouldn’t be paying. I told DH to have a fabulous time and got ready for two weeks of doing whatever I wanted

Turns out DH didn’t fancy being stuck with DS and MIL for two weeks and declined too, they fell out for a while but I kept out of it!

I think you need to go back and say no - now! Tell them that you are unable to cope with being pregnant on a cruise and after your previous experience that you don't want to be so far from proper medical attention.

If you do decide to go you need to check that you are able to get travel insurance that is valid in all countries visited or passing - especially being 6 months pregnant and with a history of premature birth. Otherwise you could find yourself with a bill in the £100,000s if you need to be helicoptered to a hospital in the nearest country to the ship's position.

I love cruising. It's a blast. I don't even get off in some ports because I've been to them a few times and they're boring if you're not going on an excursion. But there's no way on Earth I'd do it with a 2-year-old, even an NT one. Not a chance. I see families with young children and babies on them and none of them appear to be having a good time.

Turns out DH didn’t fancy being stuck with DS and MIL for two weeks and declined too, they fell out for a while but I kept out of it!
Yay! well played, game set and match 🏆

Obviously check your medical limitations for travelling while pregnant.However if you are worried about the cruise ,I would think you can relax, we went on a beautiful short cruise around Belgium .The ship was spotless and food really good as well .Medical help is avaliable, and as someone else said you would be able to get to a European hospital quite quickly.I dont swim very well either ! .But trust me you are an awfully long way up from any water! .I think if you could bring yourself to pop DS into their creche ,you could have a break even for an hour or two if you dont want to leave him too long .

Depending on the cruise line they might well be able to transfer to another cruise with no penalty. None of you need be out of pocket.

Have they already paid? If so see if they can claim back the money or else you will need to refund them. They are shit for pressuring you to go in the first place, though you also need to learn to say a firm no. Tell them that after much consideration, after being pressured to saying yes, you have now decided it's not what you want. Given your pregnancy history it's a risk and you would prefer to stay on dry land until this baby arrives safely. Don't be afraid to say a cruise would not be your choice of holiday either. You couldn't pay me to go on one, least of all when pregnant. If your Dh still wants to go, let him off.

@Agueros, presumably the mother-in-law thought that you would feel obliged to attend the cruise and you would do all the wife work allowing everyone else to have fun together well you do the donkey work.
As well as attending and acting as servant for her and her son and grandson you would be forced to pay for yourself as opposed to the others whom she funded
she thought she had you stitched up and cornered, she could send a very clear message that you are inferior, beneath everyone else.
And you turned the tables on her ....nice work!

And tell them today - no sense dragging it out and getting more anxious about it.

The limit is most definitely 24 weeks for all of the major cruise lines

Just say NO.

Too many risks, your anxiety will be sky high during and in the run up which won't help.

It isn't a suitable holiday for you and your family at the moment. (possibly ever)

I just don't get this: "MIL has not mentioned it to me she is quite upset we aren't coming on her last big holiday " I mean, seriously.

Reassure MIL that you will be happy holidaying with them on whatever more modest holidays they are going to have in the future.

www.royalcaribbean.com/faq/questions/pregnant-health-safety-onboard-policy

24 weeks for royal Caribbean cruises is the limit

Mother-in-law is The Queen and your presence is required to honour her at her last voyage

www.pocruises.com/accessibility/emergencies-and-other-information
Same for these as well

Tell your DH you felt guilt-tripped into a corner and pressured to say yes, but you're now saying no. And that he needs to tell his mother right away that you're not going. Tell him you'd be happy for him to go and take DS with him, but you'll be staying home close to your midwife and hospital.

Don't be bullied. It's a stupid thing to be considering if you don't swim, are afraid of the water, pregnant and exhausted, and gave birth so prematurely the first time. Plus, like you said, norovirus and ships are just too common ... imagine getting that while pregnant, stuck on a ship, AND dealing with a vomiting toddler.

Just say no, you're not going. You're sorry for not standing up for yourself at the time, but you're doing so now. And tell your DH you expect him to have your back on this, not pile the pressure on you, because you know your decision is sensible under the circumstances.

You clearly don't want to go. Speak to your midwife/Dr and then apologise and say owing to your pregnancy it is not advisable. Well going would only make you very stressed which would not be good for your health. The pregnancy makes a viable excuse.
I hope that you get help and support for your son.
When I was young I used to think cruises would be wonderful. Never could afford one, but about 25years ago spent about 30 hours on a dreadful rough crossing.
Some years ago I developed vertigo.
So no it's not somethig I ever desire ,even I could afford it.