To ask Dp to pop into party on his own?

[Sundancer77]

We have a child’s birthday party this afternoon for a really nice couple I know well, my dp knows them only briefly, but likes them.
It’s their child’s 3rd birthday this afternoon and we accepted the invitation weeks ago and I bought a gift etc and was looking forward to going.
The last few days it’s felt like Groundhog Day with Dd teething badly and being full of energy, I’ve not slept nor had a lie in (even after arguments about this with dp-he knows how tired I am)
Due to all this, I feel shitty this morning and tired and really not in the mood to socialise and would love a couple of hours to myself-for once.
I asked dp if he could just nip in for an hr to drop the present off with Dd as I feel bad about none of us going, eaclecily at the last minute-he won’t go, saying he barely knows them, it will be awkward, he doesn’t know where the house is etc( they’ve given directions and I can tell him)
I feel bad letting them down, aibu to ask that he just drops present off and gives me a little break?

*Especially

Your DP is being a drip, but really it depends on how your friends will react, which might be his concern.

They’d just welcome him in happily 🤷‍♀️I’d message with apologies beforehand and reasons why I can’t attend, but say that they’re coming to pop in and bring their Ds’s bday present?

I wouldn't try to force him to go if he doesn't want to. I wouldn't take kindly to DH expecting me to go to a party of his friends without him. You're just going to fuel more arguments trying to make him do something that's really your invite.

If you're really not up to it yourself just tell them you're not feeling well and drop the present round some other time. Or do you have a mutual friend going anyway who'd take DD for you?

Won’t force him, he’s said no anyway 🤷‍♀️ I either suck it up and go or send apologies-just feel a bit shitty doing that to them.
Dd won’t be fussed not going as she’s so young, she doesn’t understand, just feel bad pulling out with these friends.

Is their child friends with your DD? If so then I would just see it as one parent taking their child to a party, doesn't really matter who knows the adults best etc. I hate children's birthday parties so usually my DH goes, even if I'm actually friends with the parents and he isn't! Very selfish of him to refuse when you've been doing the bulk of the parenting recently.

If that's not really the situation, if it's more that they are friends of yours and you were meant to be going as a couple, then I'd see it differently. Your DP might not be social or chatty and I know I'd hate stopping by in a similar situation. I suppose I'd say, let's just all send apologies but I'll take dd out to give you a break. And my DH would say the same. When you're exhausted and you ask for a break it's so discouraging and upsetting to not get that support.

I wouldn’t want to go either in his situation. Can’t you both just stay home and look after each other a bit?

No, they’re not friends with one another as our Dd is only a babe and their Ds is a little older. It’s an invite as friends, for the both of us to attend with different people and children of different ages there.
I guess I just feel guiltily on them and see it as if at least one of us turned up just to show face and drop off present, it looks less rude?
He did suggest we just try to go for an hour, then he’d come back and he’d take her out for a couple of hours-I’m just too blah to go and really not feeling sociable, especially for a kids party when you should be smiley etc.
It seems crappy for us to pull out at the last minute though.
Anyone else ever not really want to go to these things?🤷‍♀️ I feel like I really have to be feeling up to it and in the mood.

Plus, I think I’m probably putting it on him a bit as I feel resentful..if I wasn’t this tired and had a lie in etc, I’d be up for it, full of energy and happy to socialise.

Go to the party for an hour, come home, go to bed whole your dh takes the baby out.

*Guilty about it.

If you children aren't friends then the point of the invitation was for you, their friend, to come see them, the adults.

You can drop off a present later yourself, and get to see your friends at that time.

Well, it was an invite for both of us (all of us) to celebrate their little ones birthday..

Is it crap to cancel?

Yes that's what they wrote/said, because that's how it's polite to issue invitations, but the part they are interested in is seeing you.

Just go another time. You're feeling poorly. Don't send your DH. Nobody would benefit from that.

I get that @trills but he is friends with them to (sort of-just doesn’t know them as well) and it’s to see baby too, I get that.
He’s not gonna go, so it’s between sucking it up and forcing myself to for a bit (when really not in the mood) or cancelling and probably feeling bad 🤷‍♀️

He did suggest we just try to go for an hour, then he’d come back and he’d take her out for a couple of hours

This seems pretty reasonable. Which is surprising when he's been so unreasonable about lie-ins. Why did you not get at least one of the lie-ins this weekend?

As another poster said, go along for an hour and then come back and have a rest for a couple of hours while dp takes your little one out. You need a rest and he needs to step up.

Apologies - just seen that he has already suggested that!!

Fine, he doesn’t want to take DD there, he can take her somewhere else to give you a break.

Is it crap to cancel?
Absolutely not. Any parent would understand you’re not up to it.

He did suggest we just try to go for an hour

So he’ll go but only if you are there to hold his hand? Is he 12?

You don’t want to go and they’re your friends so it’s really not unreasonable that he doesn’t want to go considering that he doesn’t even know them very well.

It’s fine to just send your apologies and say you’ll drop the present around later in the week.

@LannieDuck I’m not sure, it’s a real bone of contention which I always go on about. It’s a tricky one as I currently stay with Dd through the night as breastfeed etc, so dp sleeps in the spare room (quite happy about this-it suits us both temporarily as dd is all over the place at night)
So he gets full nights sleep (I don’t, generally) then in the mornings, she’s up pretty early, I’d just love him to come up and get her, without me bringing her downstairs myself, then going back to bed (which I’ve had to do before)
Instead he gets to sleep, then when he does get up, is on the toilet for an hour or whatever, by then I have to bring her down, have done breakfast, tidied her up etc etc..THIS is why I’m not in happy, smiley, party mood and tbf, I resent him for it-and have said this. I said it yesterday morning, when I got up in a foul mood, he said he understands I don’t get sleep but can’t being in bad moods like this 😮
He does a fair bit (sometimes) at night with her before bed, sometimes in the day (weekends) but definitely not the same as me..hence the reason I’m feeling so rubbish-have said all this tho.

*Can’t keep being in bad moods like this.

If I were to cancel, would it be best to just be honest and say baby up all night with teething? My friend has a very full on dp so wouldn’t understand me not getting sleep, he does most of it 🤣
No, they’re laid back and would understand, just feels like I’m doing one of those ‘Last minute pull out’ things, which most parties, it wouldn’t bother me..but..