To rehome rescue dog

[roflwtf]

We got a rescue puppy at 4 months just over a year ago and I have single handedly trained and loved her into a wonderful family pet. But she has a defensive aggressive streak I cannot deal with and I think we have to rehome her. I think it is her personality and being in kennels for her first 4 months but DH says I have hardly bothered to train her and should try harder. He thinks I am too soft on her and should hit her more. I think keeping the dog to try and abuse her into submission is not the answer?! I say this will make her more fearful and aggressive. She will snarl and bark at visitors and lunge (from behind a stair gate) at children. We have three kids and she recently lunged and warning bit my middle one then chased him upstairs. She snarled and lunged at my husband yesterday when he went to answer the front door. If I hadn't been there I don't know what would have happened, she has never been so scary.

This type of behaviour pops up every couple of months or so, seemingly randomly. If we have guests over I now have a cosy nest for her in my garage workshop but she will bark and growl and whine in there until they go. I have tried treating and petting her until she is calm but she just won't go near children and barks and growls and snarls at them to back off if she is in her bed in the hall and they go up or down stairs.

I am the only one she listens to. DH never had a pet and is not a dog person, but has it in his head that I have failed and am being lazy by suggesting we rehome her. I personally am a dog person and have done everything incl a behaviourist, constant vigilent training, calming sprays, talking to the rescue we got her from, lots of walks to tire her out, lickymats etc etc. One behaviourist said that because she was already going for a family member he wouldn't get involved.

I've given her a year of everything I can do. But I want her to have a good life, with other dogs, a quieter house, constant calm loving attention and no children. We can't do that and in the meantime she really does pose a threat, particularly if I am not around.

AIBU to rehome her?

There's a lot going on here. Firstly, don't allow your husband to hit the dog. It's a fast route to making the dog more fearful and more likely to bite.

You need professional help from a properly qualified behaviourist. You need to look for an APBC or CCAB accredited behaviourist. The qualifications are very important - literally anyone can call themselves a behaviourist and there are some very dangerous charlatans out there. I don't know which behaviourist you've seen in the past, but I'd strongly recommend seeing an APBC or CCAB behaviourist before making any rash decisions.

FWIW we saw an APBC behaviourist because my own rescue dog was very barky to the point of appearing aggressive towards visitors, an issue that was triggered by a house move. After one session with the behaviourist and following her advice religiously, I've now got a dog that is thrilled to see visitors because as far as he's concerned they're here to play fetch with him (and fetch is literally the best thing in the world for him!)

A neighbour rehomed a very nervous dog. Within a year she was completely changed, she's socialised, loves people and is petted on her walks.

I think rehoming her might be best.

I have single handedly trained and loved her into a wonderful family pet.. How can you say that and then go on to say everything you've said afterwards??! A 'wonderful family pet' can only ever be placid. What breed is she?

Your DH is an idiot if he thinks that hitting a dog will make it less aggressive.

You describe her as a 'rescue puppy' but you only actually started looking after her a few weeks after most people collect their puppies. What makes you think that those extra few weeks made it aggressive?

Overall, if you're unable to stop this aggressive streak, then yes, you need to rehome her. Avocado gives some good advice; hopefully another behaviourist will be able to help you.

Good luck. Raising a well trained dog can be really hard work.

I Yanbu to get rid.

Of your dh.
Suggesting abusing a ddog is disgusting.
I reported a man who hit his ddog.
Ddog's Trust visited and took it back.

It sounds like somethings going on when you're not there imo.

Hitting a pet is never the answer, it's cruel because they don't understand why you're doing it. You need a behaviourist if you want to keep her.

Thank you for your thoughts everyone. I consider her a family pet because she is gorgeous and funny and silly and lies on the kids and watches telly with us and loves us all to bits. But she is not totally placid, so maybe my boundaries of what I expect from a dog are messed up. She is a total mongrel but mostly collie the vet thinks. I think that because she was in the street then in a large kennels with her family she had no real interaction with children. When strangers come over she acts really defensive but if they are friendly she is all over them in glee. Problem is that the kids that come over are too young to do that with her. They see her snarly teeth and back off. I am horribly embarrassed and worried and I know she can tell that too!

Damnation. I really thought I was doing well with her but it seems that we probably messed her up.

She is so happy and totally placid when it is just her and me or her, me and dd. She is pretty placid when we are all around. It's just visitors or sometimes she lords it over ds2 and dh and growls and snaps. It's almost like the stronger our bond the more aggro she gets defending us all.

Another behaviourist then, thank you 😊❤️

I think your DH is hitting - or has hit - the dog when you are not there.

Which means that you have no option but to rehome - your last para suggests that the aggression (ie fear) is directed towards him/males in the home, which would make sense (where is DS1 in this, has he left home?) - she's afraid of your DH and by extension the other males around. Does that make sense? Perhaps watch her interactions more closely. Is she ever OK with your DH?

Either way, your DH doesn't sound like a person suitable to provide a loving home for a rescue dog (or a very nice person really) and I would think that even if he's not hitting the dog regularly, the damage has clearly been done, or more to the point not undone from the point she came into your home as a nervous dog.

Sorry meant to add that if she's got to the point where after a year she is snapping at members of the family then something is very wrong - she does not feel secure or safe - and it might be that a fresh start is the only option, because the alternative is to manage to rebuild a relationship with your DH which isn't going to happen because his instinct is to be at best neutral and at worst aggressive towards the dog.

I'm not a knowledgeable dog person at all btw! But it seems so obvious that this is the likely problem.

I would watch her closely to see the difference in her body language etc around the different family members, and I would also tell the behaviourist you suspect this and see what they say.

My parents once had a dog which had been mistreated - the dog hated men but was fine with women, and eventually fine with my dad but really no other bloke. They assumed the mistreatment was at the hands of a man.

Your dog is 'lording it' over your DH (and possibly your DS too) for a reason by the sounds of it. I'd get rid of an abuser of animals before I got rid of any dog. The poor dog sounds completely messed up and it sounds like it's your family that has caused it.

Not much to add except I don’t think you ‘rescued’ a 4mo puppy, you just got a puppy and are now blaming behavioural problems on it being a rescue rather than addressing them.
From all you’ve said here I think you should rehome or you will end up with a bitten child and a young dog being euthanised. Sorry if I sound harsh but something is going badly wrong in your house and you don’t sound in a good position to sort it out.

I'm with the pp, my first thought was he's hit the dog when you weren't around. If he has, I'd rehome her. She deserves better. If he hasn't & she's OK with older children I'd see a proper behaviourist recommended by the rescue or vet & keep her away from grabby toddlers til things improve. I feel she's guarding you from your DH, not 'lording'.

a total mongrel but mostly collie the vet thinks

Collies can be very highly strung, need a lot of 'brain work', form very strong bonds with their handlers, and can often be fearful of children.

I agree with PPs that your DH is at the very least not being consistent with how he treats the dog when you are not around, so it is getting different responses from different family members.

I don't necessarily agree that it's "all your fault" - puppies DO need to be socialised in the key window and your dog may have missed out on this in her time in kennels; it's not the same as having a pup from a responsible breeder who keeps the puppies in a home environment from day 1. Temperament is also unpredictable.

Regardless of the reasons, your dog has bitten a family member and cannot cope with visitors and unfamiliar children. That's not a dog who should be living with your family, for your sakes and the dog's sake.

As hard as it is , you should responsibly rehome to a child-free, possibly rural, environment. I hope the rescue you got them from could help? Do you feel they act in the dog's best interests? Usually a home-to-home adoption can be arranged which is less stressful for the dog than going back to kennels.

should hit her more so she has been hit then?

Yep, sounds like he’s been hitting her, rehome one or the other, preferably the abusive twat

DH does shout at me a lot. Maybe my dog is picking up on that and guarding me? My ds1 is 9 and they adore each other. Ds1 is lovely and knows the only way to look after anything is with kindness not aggression so the dog is completely relaxed around him.

I am heartbroken to realise we made her this way. I honestly thought we'd given her a loving home but now I can see that she is scared and unhappy.

The rescue place we got her from have offered to take her back before but I changed my mind and wanted to work with her more. Now I have said to DH that he can think I am a failure and cruel bitch for breaking ds1's heart but I have to do what I think is right. She has her whole life to live! He has now taken her for a walk for the first time ever. I don't know what to make of that.

So. I feel very crappy and cant stop crying! Thank you for your honesty though. I live in a bubble where I don't know up from down any more.

Thanks.

Ps. My dog adores going to kennels. Loves it, never known a dog like it.

I think the issue here is your DH. And I wouldn't have let him take the dog out. Does he hit her?

If you do rehome her please take her to a rescue, don’t advertise her as you’re not sure who she’ll end up with.

If your DH has been hitting her then he deserves to be bitten.

YABU.

Rehome your DH, get help from a behaviourist for the dog.

And if she's really bonded with you, she will be aggressive if she thinks you are at risk from DH. My dog used to go crazy when my abusive ex started ranting and raving, she'd bark and snarl and lunge at him. I have no doubt that if he'd ever got physically aggressive, she'd have bitten him. She is utterly lovely with everyone else, and remarkably soppy for a terrier.

You have a dog that has probably been abused by your DH, and a DH that is verbally aggressive to you. No wonder the poor thing is displaying fear aggression.

Your DH should never have been allowed to have a dog, he's too stupid and too unpleasant.

Jesus, rehome your hideous dh. He sounds like an arsehole. I wouldn’t be leaving him alone with the dog at all if I could help it. Nasty.

He thinks I am too soft on her and should hit her more.

I think he needs a kick in the nuts.
Also that you should LTB. It's very telling that he feels violence to a defenseless animal is ok.

I rescued my dog when he was six months old. He'd nearly died on the streets then spent a couple of months in kennels. When I first got him he had so much fear based aggression. The only person he didn't lash out at was me. He was scared of people (especially children) other dogs, traffic, being in a car, loud noises, anyone going past the house. I've had him for 2.5 years now and he is so much better but still not perfect. However I can now have people round to visit, he goes to doggy daycare, and I can sit with him in a beer garden or cafe without being constantly stressed.

A couple of things I felt helped:

1. Consistent training made him more secure. He will happily walk off the lead and if he gets overwhelmed by lots of dogs gathering around him I can call him away and he listens which stops any growling and snapping.

1. Hitting is not the answer but sometimes a physical reminder works. I have a spray bottle which I spray towards him if he growls at a person. It snaps him out of his fear/anger. Mostly he just stops if I show him the bottle or say 'spray'. It needs to be consistent and you can't use the spray just because the dog is being frustrating. Also, I make sure to say no first and give him a second to react. I'm sure some people will disagree with this method but it has worked with him.

1. His fear triggers need to be managed. For example, he hates people coming into his space, so if I have people round I'll put him in another room and then let him in once people have been there a few minutes, so he's coming into their space. It works so much better.

It does take time and patience but most dogs will eventually trust and then the fear goes. However, if different methods are being used, especially if one if those methods is hitting, the fear will get worse and so will the behaviour.

DH does shout at me a lot. Maybe my dog is picking up on that and guarding me?

Dogs are very sensitive to emotion and atmosphere. Collie breeds particularly are very attuned to humans - they are bred to be responsive, they’re working dogs.

I’m so sorry, OP. Would your DH work with a trainer? It would have to be a whole family experience so you’re all doing the right thing.

If your dog loves going to kennels that’s also not a huge vote of confidence about the home environment.

Ds1 is lovely and knows the only way to look after anything is with kindness not aggression so the dog is completely relaxed around him.

Yup. You don't have a dog problem. You have a husband problem.
Don't bother rehoming husband, just get him put to sleep at the vets.

To be honest, and as a veteran of a couple of decades of dog rescue, it is practically impossible to rehome a dog who has bitten a child, unless you are willing to be dishonest.

Some of my own dogs are biters - they live with me because I can keep them safe, because I do not have children visit. They are otherwise good dogs, but not safe with strangers. Most people can’t fulfil these conditions and it requires quite a lot of management from me.

Your behaviourist sounds iffy - the ones I work with, work extensively with aggression in dogs, often successfully. So it might be worth getting recommendations for someone who is an expert.

I can’t tell from a distance what is going wrong with your dog. I do know that you have three children to protect and a husband who knows nothing about training. Fixing fear aggression or resource guarding or whatever other behavioural issue you have going on is time consuming and needs consistency from everyone in the household. That’s a really big ask, particularly as your dog has already put teeth on your child - not because I will automatically condemn a dog who nips, but because managing a problematic dog, children and a husband who might well be at least part of the problem, is really hard work.

If you decide to try a decent behaviourist, invest in a crate, so your dog can be a part of the family, but no-one is at risk.

If you decide not to do that, and the rescue won’t take her back, then the kindest and most responsible thing to do is take her to the vet and send her on her way.

My inclination would be a really good trainer with extensive experience in aggression. Your husband will need to be part of this as well, because he seems at least as much in need of training as your dog. But I don’t have children to protect and wouldn’t blame you for not going forward with this.

This is not meant as a judgement, you have tried very hard and sometimes things just don’t work out. I struggle very hard to PTS a healthy, young dog on behavioural grounds, which is why I have the dogs I do.

Good luck, I hope you can work things out.