To rehome rescue dog

[roflwtf]

We got a rescue puppy at 4 months just over a year ago and I have single handedly trained and loved her into a wonderful family pet. But she has a defensive aggressive streak I cannot deal with and I think we have to rehome her. I think it is her personality and being in kennels for her first 4 months but DH says I have hardly bothered to train her and should try harder. He thinks I am too soft on her and should hit her more. I think keeping the dog to try and abuse her into submission is not the answer?! I say this will make her more fearful and aggressive. She will snarl and bark at visitors and lunge (from behind a stair gate) at children. We have three kids and she recently lunged and warning bit my middle one then chased him upstairs. She snarled and lunged at my husband yesterday when he went to answer the front door. If I hadn't been there I don't know what would have happened, she has never been so scary.

This type of behaviour pops up every couple of months or so, seemingly randomly. If we have guests over I now have a cosy nest for her in my garage workshop but she will bark and growl and whine in there until they go. I have tried treating and petting her until she is calm but she just won't go near children and barks and growls and snarls at them to back off if she is in her bed in the hall and they go up or down stairs.

I am the only one she listens to. DH never had a pet and is not a dog person, but has it in his head that I have failed and am being lazy by suggesting we rehome her. I personally am a dog person and have done everything incl a behaviourist, constant vigilent training, calming sprays, talking to the rescue we got her from, lots of walks to tire her out, lickymats etc etc. One behaviourist said that because she was already going for a family member he wouldn't get involved.

I've given her a year of everything I can do. But I want her to have a good life, with other dogs, a quieter house, constant calm loving attention and no children. We can't do that and in the meantime she really does pose a threat, particularly if I am not around.

AIBU to rehome her?

"I meant hit her more as in more than reward her."

?????

Hit her more?! Who is hitting her?

I think you should rehome the dog and the husband. Why are you letting him shout at you a lot?

If you are adamant you are keeping her you need to get professional help and your dickhead husband needs to do as they say.

I actually don't believe that the dog isn't being hit. You specifically stated that he said she should be hit more, don't backtrack.

Your dog needs rescuing from your household. Using fear tactics to train a dog with fear aggression, smart move.

No one's hitting the dog. I just write like a twat. What do you want from me? I asked for help and some of you seem really keen to trip me up and play some kind of weird detective games. Posts are written quickly sometimes, aren't they. Sometimes they aren't proofread properly. Sometimes a child needs attention halfway through one. Sometimes someone writes that your life is a sham, you are abusive, your kids are fucked and your husband is a dickwad and you can't think clearly for a while.

Remember this when feeding on your next victim ladies.

Your husband has ruined your dog.

Sounds like OP is accepting that dog needs to go back to the charity and try not to give up hope that she will be rehomed if you explain you think she is not compatible with your family, it’s not the dogs fault and here is hoping she can be rehomed with a quieter older person/family

Dog anxiety is so very hard to manage as you cannot ever drown out every noise for them but it takes a lot of change to reduce it best you can in their environment. I live in a really quiet road and my house is not all that noisy, and ddog is sprawled out in the lounge right now and seems very content - but any sudden noise from outside nearby he will often jump up in alarm. I have not had him very long so far, so it’s going to be a lot hard journey - I have the time on my hands to reassure him and he barks so much less than he did before but I can’t take that for granted that it’s fixed iyswim

I could have guessed she's a collie.

It's heartbreaking and tragic but I would re home in your position. Like you say she needs to be in a different setting with no children etc.

If she bites your children it could be the end of her and that would be very tragic indeed.

Stop back pedalling OP.

Please don't get anymore pets!! Any pet will be stressed around a shouting man, it's really not fair on them. You're choosing to live with an abuser don't rope any more animals into the situation that don't have a choice.

If your house is very loud and shouty this is probably making the dog always feel on edge and alert, so then any slight action sets off her scared instincts to protect herself.

I think this is a good point. Stress stacking is useful to think about in these circumstances. The dog is already carrying almost as much stress as she can so even quite a small thing could then tip her over the edge.

I'm sorry you feel got at OP. You could post in the dog section in Pets instead of here. I'm glad you've decided to take her back to the charity. If she had a quieter home with just adults I'm sure she would be a lovely dog. Then you can concentrate on your human family and the issues there.

We have a collie, who is a pet as well as a working sheepdog. He got very, very protective of me and would snarl at my husband whenever he shouted at me. The dog would put himself between us when he could and was very watchful of the children (although he didn't growl at them, he just watched very closely). He is my husband's dog and I don't work him at all, but he decided that I was his person and that was that.
The solution to the problem was actually very easy. My husband realised that his behaviour towards me was coming across as much more aggressive than he had intended and was upsetting the dog. He took over the feeding of the dog and much more importantly he stopped shouting at me. He is very careful about gestures too- you can't expect the dog to know that pointing is not going to become punching and collies are often very defensive of "their" people .
The dog is much more relaxed with the kids too (all boys, which I think is relevant) and the older ones walk him regularly. We all looked at how our behaviour affected the dog and took responsibility for it. It worked for us and we are all happier for it.

Think about why posters are saying what they are. No one picks on posters like you for fun.

I didn't and couldn't read past "my husband thinks I should hit her more"

WTF

I've had countless number of rescue german Shepards and I have never ever come across a "bad" one.

Maybe I an just lucky with mine.

I am not going to get at OP as I think she is already being aggressively bullied at home and I think support from others would go a long way.

@Belenus
I think it’s easy to misunderstand their stress too, because it seems irrelevant to us but it might be relevant to the dog. My dog doesn’t seem to be triggered by the children playing loudly in their garden with a ball next door very much, no barking and lying down. Perhaps it’s because he knows they won’t come into his space so it’s not a threat. Who knows. I would assume this noise was stressful for him but it’s not. But he will bark and jump at other smaller noises like a door banging or people coming down the stairs quickly. He also hates the noise the cat makes if it scratches something.

I think until you can return the dog you should all work out what sounds or actions the dog dislikes the most and try to stop doing it and all the family needs to work on that.

Agree no bed in hallway, bed needs to be somewhere much more appealing and secure. My dog likes to sleep to the side of the the patio doors in my living room as has sight lines of the house and garden, can bask in the sun a bit and isn’t directly in anyone’s footfall

He thinks I am too soft on her and should hit her more.

It's not the dog who has an aggression problem, it is you and your husband.

You've been hitting a young animal and then wonder why it has an aggressive streak. You should rehome the dog because clearly it's not safe where it is.