To rehome rescue dog

[roflwtf]

We got a rescue puppy at 4 months just over a year ago and I have single handedly trained and loved her into a wonderful family pet. But she has a defensive aggressive streak I cannot deal with and I think we have to rehome her. I think it is her personality and being in kennels for her first 4 months but DH says I have hardly bothered to train her and should try harder. He thinks I am too soft on her and should hit her more. I think keeping the dog to try and abuse her into submission is not the answer?! I say this will make her more fearful and aggressive. She will snarl and bark at visitors and lunge (from behind a stair gate) at children. We have three kids and she recently lunged and warning bit my middle one then chased him upstairs. She snarled and lunged at my husband yesterday when he went to answer the front door. If I hadn't been there I don't know what would have happened, she has never been so scary.

This type of behaviour pops up every couple of months or so, seemingly randomly. If we have guests over I now have a cosy nest for her in my garage workshop but she will bark and growl and whine in there until they go. I have tried treating and petting her until she is calm but she just won't go near children and barks and growls and snarls at them to back off if she is in her bed in the hall and they go up or down stairs.

I am the only one she listens to. DH never had a pet and is not a dog person, but has it in his head that I have failed and am being lazy by suggesting we rehome her. I personally am a dog person and have done everything incl a behaviourist, constant vigilent training, calming sprays, talking to the rescue we got her from, lots of walks to tire her out, lickymats etc etc. One behaviourist said that because she was already going for a family member he wouldn't get involved.

I've given her a year of everything I can do. But I want her to have a good life, with other dogs, a quieter house, constant calm loving attention and no children. We can't do that and in the meantime she really does pose a threat, particularly if I am not around.

AIBU to rehome her?

I showed him the dogs body language and he was crestfallen but took it on board and is starting from the beginning. He is listening to me when I tell him to let the dog go up to him and take the treat. I have told him his shouting scares the dog. I am showing him the dogs stress signs like panting, licking lips etc and he was listening hard. Tbh he is taking it all on the chin despite a week of some intense honesty about his behaviour. He hasn't listened to me properly before. I think he honestly thought I would magically make the dog like him with my training and because I hadn't I was at fault. Now he gets that he has to put the work in for the dog to like him. Which is insane! How can he not know this?! Anyway, he does now.

Oh all is suddenly ok as the clearly abusive DH has listened for the first time and is nicely 'crestfallen' - good choice of nicely submissive word there - and it's all going to be ok.

Your DH isn't a good person, keep him away from the dog and have a good think and don't even bother to start the 'new DH lightbulb moment' story - it really doesn't work on here.

What is he like with the dc? The man I reported used to scream at his ds so much the ds used to wet himself....

The dog is not hit! No way! I have not trained her that way, I use positive reward based training.

I feel for you - you have such a lot going on with your H and this dog, and children too.

I'm really pleased you realise that him shouting at you is abusive. I hope that you both grow and can become a healthy functioning couple. Please do the work that you need to do in order to get a healthier perspective and better boundaries.

The dynamic between you and your H will affect not only the dog but the children too.

I'd suggest the safest thing is to do for children and dog is for them to only have contact with her when carefully supervised by you.

I'd make the garage a nice pleasant place for her - spend time in there with her when you don't have visitors, regularly take her there to give her a treat etc. Shut her in there for a few minutes at a time while nobody is visiting, so that's normal and not stressful in itself.

How much mental and physical work does she get? That could well be a massive part of the problem for a collie x.

She also needs places she can retreat to where nobody disturbs her - a crate with for left open and with a blanket over the roof and sides is good.

I have raised dogs before and since the "no punishment ever" theories were popular. I'm very highly pro-positive reinforcement, but I do struggle with never being able to tell a dog off. Hitting a dog is a stupid idea that will get you bitten, but I do find value in keeping in reserve a tone of voice and body language that tells an animal that I am in charge and that thing they did was completely unacceptable behaviour. It's only for VERY infrequent use, and I have a warning that I'm about to be angry with them, too - I click my fingers, and with consistent use it becomes enough to get them to stop doing an undesireable behaviour, I don't need to resort to escalation, though it's always there if I need it.

This might however all be terrible advice for your specific dog and situation - I'd definitely call more behaviourists before giving up on that idea.

Well his behaviour has improved. He knows he isn't allowed to growl at people and will back away instead of running forward. Of course I manage the people as well and tell them to give him space.

The dog doesn't like your 'd'h shouting - how do you think your kids feel?

Your husbands childhood is no excuse for how he is treating you, your children and the dog.

He's the one that needs to be rehomed. It's not just the dog that's suffering, your kids are living this too.

I have rehomed a difficult dog but I have no small DC and dog has never snapped at a human, ever. I am finding it really hard at times and my fear is that the dog will snap at a little child because despite my best efforts, a lot of parents don’t teach children how to behave around dogs. The home I got him from had a toddler and they were very lucky that dog is placid and timid because the toddler would not stop touching the dogs face, lying on the dog and cornering him.

If you do keep this dog you need to make it clear to your guests how to parent their DC around the dog but I think like my dog, there is not a good mix with your own smaller children. My dog is 5 and DD2 is 15 but when she was 10 he would try to dominate her all the time - he does not now she is a larger child! My dog visibly pants and panics when around small DC although at the same time trying to be ‘friendly’ he essentially urinated in his owners entire house repeatedly. He also barks at Every Single Noise and chases cats, has no road awareness and approaches other dogs like a rocket in over excitement which can make them aggressive towards him

I’m no dog expert by any means but high needs dogs like this just need a different approach to trying to live in a normal family with a lot of noise and unpredictable DC. My dog has very high anxiety but he finds adults much more reassuring as he can interpret their behaviour (one reason he has issues with cats as he becomes instantly on the defence).

I’ve never hit the dog ever but I do use a time out area but NEVER behind a closed door all this does is increase his anxiety 10 fold, make him think I’ve abandoned him and be more clingy. What has worked is a time out on his bed when I am in the same room. I will physically put him there and demand he ‘sit, stay’ and I repeat this over and over during his bad behaviour until he calms down. Then he gets a treat when he’s calm and a cuddle. Problem is I couldn’t do this with small DC as they get in the way and disrupt the process

He's lovely with the dc it's just me. I know it's shit and needs to change but only realised this extremely recently. The abusive shouting has escalated over the last year or so, almost certainly because stuff he's repressed is coming to the fore. I am sticking by him for now but am also in contact with gingerbread and will be going to the local refuge for housing and financial advice so I am prepared to leave if and when the next bollocking happens. I think. I mean, part of me feels like a drama queen tbh. It's a lot to take in, I am terrified and still blaming myself a lot. I have helped so many women in my situation and said much of what you guys say and think! And I am shocked that I am on the receiving end without really seeing it for myself. So thanks for kind words and I endeavour to make sure everyone is in the healthiest and happiest place they can be, ASAP.

endeavour to make sure everyone is in the healthiest and happiest place they can be, ASAP

That’s all very well but what does it MEAN, it’s so woolly

PookieDo so much of what you say is how it is here. Other people's kids drive me insane. They have no dog manners at all! If I'm there she's fine and looks to me to check everything's OK. And mostly I am here to reassure her. And she hates being shut away and I don't blame her. And when she's really barky and aggro she is learning to check herself and comes to me whining for a cuddle and a treat. She's yummy. If only she didn't bloody snarl and bite 😢.

My ds1 is 9 and going to die with sadness when I tell him. And it'll probably spell the end for me and DH because he won't forgive me for getting the dog and failing to keep it.

Oh bloody hell.

Firstly let me say that when u rescue any dog they are the property of the rescue organisation you got it from.. legally they still are responsible for the dog and should take the dog back.. you cant just rehome a dog if its not working out for you and you must contact the rescue team before doing anything else.

If you cant cope with the dog take it back to them sooner than later or you are making a bad situation worse by not doing so.

The rescue team will know how to find it the right home..

Too many people im afraid do not realise whats involved in owning a dog and especially rescues need more care and patience..

Do right things and take it back to them..

I have tried treating and petting her until she is calm

You are rewarding the bad behaviour by doing this. She is getting attention for doing the very thing you need her to stop doing. Ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good!

Never, ever hit a dog. It won't cure a single thing and will possibly make her more aggressive rather than less.

I am afraid to say but if you have had this dog from 4 months old then you (and your DH) have taught her to be this way; she was plenty young enough to have grown into a lovely family pet.

I had an aggressive collie, but the difference was his obedience was to the level that he would drop to the floor and growl. He never bit anyone and certainly never lunged at them, plus he was never aggressive with family members or children, it was directed at other dogs.

Collies are arguably the most intelligent breed there is, they thrive on work and training. They most certainly can be pets but at the same time their brains need to be kept as active as their bodies.

So who’s hitting the dog? You said your dp told you to hit the dog more? Which implies someone, you, and or someone else is it hitting it.

If the dog is being hit, please re-home it today. Poor thing. No wonder it is so confused, frightened and scared. Then you wonder why you are having the behaviour you are..........

I would suggest letting the dog go because it’s clear that she would do better in a child free home. I would also suggest letting your DH go, because frankly he sounds like a total cunt.

A next bollocking? Do you mean he hit you? In that case you haven't failed the dog and you have enough on your plate to deal with and you'd do the right thing giving her back to the shelter. (I'm sure you won't be able to take the dog with you if you need to run.)
Please don't beat yourself up over this.

The dog is not hit! No way! I have not trained her that way, I use positive reward based training.

But your husband says to hit her more. Not just hit her, but hit her more. Implicit within this is the assumption someone is already hitting her.

You should definitely rehome the dog and think about rehoming yourself too. Good luck.

I don’t know enough about dog training or behaviour myself, my dog was with his owner from puppy to 5 and they love him very much and tried a lot of training methods which worked very well until they had DC. It’s like having babies and toddlers in his home amplified part of his personality that is very anxious, clingy and reactive. He wasn’t like that bad before, and it just got worse and I think the less time they had with him because they had kids the more they resorted to the ‘easy’ method of shutting him away. First time parents don’t want a dog licking their PFB in the mouth and waking the baby up by barking etc

I have come across a lot of people who find that it’s easier to shut the dog away because it stops the problem from affecting you in that moment (like when you have visitors) but it’s not solving the deeper problem. If you have visitors round with boisterous DC who harrass the dog, shriek and run around a lot this does upset a lot of dogs, some don’t bat an eyelid but a lot do and don’t want to be around it but don’t want to be shut away either!

What is the prelude to the snarling? What triggers the dog off with that? Mine doesn’t do that but he rumbles with low growls a lot at noises as if he is always on alert.

OP you sound very up and down, and your posts don't make the most sense.

Are you ok?

I'm very surprised to hear you have seen a behavioural therapist. I'd suggest you see one that is accredited by the APBC, as the first poster said.

They need to see your whole family with the dog, and they will create a treatment plan for the entire family.

I haven’t really focused on your husband, he sounds pretty awful I’m sorry but he does. I think being prepared is a good idea. I had a bad childhood but I don’t think I go around treating other people like shit to make myself feel better in fact it’s made me more aware and empathetic to other people’s feelings. I don’t feel there needs to be an excuse for why someone is horrible to you, they are just being horrible

I re read your OP and it sounds like your dog is very fearful and although you don’t say what happened in the run up to chasing and biting your child it could be that you all missed the warning signs in the run up. If your house is very loud and shouty this is probably making the dog always feel on edge and alert, so then any slight action sets off her scared instincts to protect herself. Dogs hearing is so sensitive and imagine being a dog and having 1 shouty adult, 3 noisy DC, TV, washing machine, phones ringing, doorbells, noise from outside it’s so overwhelming, and maybe it’s not noticed by your family when she’s getting distressed and if only you can calm her down, this is no use if you aren’t home 24/7.

She doesn’t trust your husband at all and although he now knows about it, without that bond of trust I don’t think you have much hope of success with this dog. I also wouldn’t be so sure he hasn’t hit the dog he’s obviously thought about it and highly likely in a whole year he has hit her. Weigh up the likelihood.

My dog trusts my youngest DD15 the least of us 3, he’s least likely to go to her for comfort and won’t go for a walk with her alone but she doesn’t invade his space at all and waits for him to approach her. DD16 and I he very much trusts and it’s more obvious as he will do as told and will go with us without question or anxiety

Iv had hundreds of rescue dogs and never had a problem once they settled .if this dog has been ok there is definitely a problem not with the dog with what's going on in your home whether it's your husband hitting the dog or something else believe me it's not the pup.dogs aren't born bad people make them bad puppy's are like children they need to be trained and shown patience .your family life needs to be looked at

I don't like what I have read.
Your husband blames you for the dog not being better trained, thinks it needs hit more and shouts at you.
Keep the dog and get rid of the husband.
Seriously there is a lot going on .
Please don't hit the dog , no dog or human deserves hit .

I meant hit her more as in more than reward her. We don't hit her. She is so sensitive and scared, PookieDo seems to have it about right. Our house is mayhem and unpredictable and she hates it.

Sorry I am not making sense and am up and down. I have been doing this with 3 kids, while making a roast dinner, watching the dog and hiding crying.

Doggie will be sent back to rescue charity ASAP and they will look after her beautifully.

Have skipped through all the replies but one thing I would say is your home needs to be a lot calmer to cope with a young dog or they 'learn' the behaviour of the family. Also I noticed you said that her basket was in the hall. I'm not so sure that's a goof place for her to be. It wouldn't be very settling and quiet for her. I'm sure yo wouldn't like it if your 'safe space' was in the hall. Is there a quiet corner in the kitchen perhaps where you could set up a cage with her bed in it so she has somewhere quiet to go. It's also a good idea to have a cover to pop over the cage so the dog feels safe and secure in it's own space.