To rehome rescue dog

[roflwtf]

We got a rescue puppy at 4 months just over a year ago and I have single handedly trained and loved her into a wonderful family pet. But she has a defensive aggressive streak I cannot deal with and I think we have to rehome her. I think it is her personality and being in kennels for her first 4 months but DH says I have hardly bothered to train her and should try harder. He thinks I am too soft on her and should hit her more. I think keeping the dog to try and abuse her into submission is not the answer?! I say this will make her more fearful and aggressive. She will snarl and bark at visitors and lunge (from behind a stair gate) at children. We have three kids and she recently lunged and warning bit my middle one then chased him upstairs. She snarled and lunged at my husband yesterday when he went to answer the front door. If I hadn't been there I don't know what would have happened, she has never been so scary.

This type of behaviour pops up every couple of months or so, seemingly randomly. If we have guests over I now have a cosy nest for her in my garage workshop but she will bark and growl and whine in there until they go. I have tried treating and petting her until she is calm but she just won't go near children and barks and growls and snarls at them to back off if she is in her bed in the hall and they go up or down stairs.

I am the only one she listens to. DH never had a pet and is not a dog person, but has it in his head that I have failed and am being lazy by suggesting we rehome her. I personally am a dog person and have done everything incl a behaviourist, constant vigilent training, calming sprays, talking to the rescue we got her from, lots of walks to tire her out, lickymats etc etc. One behaviourist said that because she was already going for a family member he wouldn't get involved.

I've given her a year of everything I can do. But I want her to have a good life, with other dogs, a quieter house, constant calm loving attention and no children. We can't do that and in the meantime she really does pose a threat, particularly if I am not around.

AIBU to rehome her?

Here's a virtual £ for the vet's bill to pts your' d'h...
D for ddog abuser.

How often do YOU hit her?

I know it's not the point of the thread, but why does your DH shout at you? Does he also shout at the DC and the dog?

I can't help but think that if you resolve the issues with your DH, the dog issues will resolve also.

@AvocadosBeforeMortgages

Is the behaviourist around the London area at all? My d has very bad fear aggression so I am considering this.

TIA

If the dog is snarling, everyone absolutely should back away, this is the final step before it bites.

Are you not paying attention to earlier warning signs of yawning and flicking tongue onto nose, or even growling?

I think you need a reward based behaviourist pronto.

I’d rehome the dog purely because I don’t think she is safe in your care , sorry . The only alternative would be to get rid of the husband and keep the dog .

Perhaps try one more behaviourist, checking their qualifications out carefully and doing a lot of research as AvocadosBeforeMortgages suggested? But only if your husband gets on board with not hitting the dog, ever. If you can't trust him to do that then rehoming through the shelter is probably a better idea. I hope he can support you though as it sounds like you love your dog very much and have done your best.

My dog is v. calm and placid (is a rescue, but only due to the death of his elderly owner), but if anyone was shouting at me aggressively he would at the very least growl to protect me. I think dogs can completely tell the difference between "normal" household sounds - like children playing and shouting in fun - and aggressive noise (which your husband is doing to you). Your DH shouts at you and I would suspect, purely from the information you've given, has hit the dog before. Inconsistency in training and punishment will leave a dog fearful and insecure. I know you know this, but unfortunately it does sound like your husband is contributing to or even creating the situation here.

The dog has bitten your child one year into owning her, whatever you are doing to train her and manage her aggression is not working. Fear aggressive/resource guarding (in the eye start of the dog you could be the resource she guards from other family members) dogs that have gone as far as to bite a family member are not safe in that family. The best outcome is for someone who is familiar with fear aggressive/resource guarding dogs and does not have children. If I were you I would return her to the rescue immediately before things escalate even further.

BTW I agree your behaviourist sounds pointless but the dog has now bitten your child so waiting for another behaviourist and applying their ideas would be too risky.

DH does shout at me a lot. Maybe my dog is picking up on that and guarding me?

Of course that is what he's doing. Your poor dog is an anxious mess, and I'm surprised you and your kids aren't in the same state too. It's your abusive husband that needs the behaviourist ffs.

Please please do not have any children visit your home until you have resolved your problems. They are in serious danger.

All those stories you hear about of children being attacked? They are from dogs like yours. Children who get scared by dogs act in ways that terrify the dog even more causing it to lash out. They could scream, squeal, wave arms - or even act defensive themselves as if to prove dog is harmless.

Your dog is telling you, over and over again, it is not happy, it feels unsafe, it needs to be protected from harming anybody whilst you resolve your problem however you do.

And regardless of the dog, please rehome your husband.

If you got your dog from a rescue then your contract will state that if you can't keep your dog then you must contact her that you have to contact the rescue - it's called rescue back up and all good rescues do this so that when people can't keep dogs, have a change in circumstances or simply get fed up with dogs as often happens the dog is protected.
You must call them. Simply rehoming the dog yourself is unfair to her and she could end up anywhere, in the hands of anyone.

Oh, and if your dog is hitting the dog then you certainly should t have the dog. If I had been the person to homecheck you and heard him say that was his method of discipline then there is no way on earth I'd have passed you to adopt a dog in the first place.

Rehome your husband not the dog

Sounds like the dog is the least of your worries, but maybe you should rehome it to get the poor thing away from your husband.

Please rehome the dog. Give her a chance somewhere else.

I would not keep a dog who had gone to bite my child.
I feel there are bigger issues as all pp have said, but generally the coupling between the dog and some of the humans in your house does not work.
I also wonder whether dh saying you should hit her more, means that is how you have trained her. Apologies if you haven’t, but the wording to me suggests that.
Please keep the dog and the kids safe, by rehoming

When you say your OH thinks you should hit the dog more, that sounds like you already hit the dog. You both sound totally unsuitable dog owners. Take the dog back to the rescue.

I don't think you should feel any guilt or regret about rehoming this dog. Your main priority is keeping your children safe, you clearly love the dog and have given her lots of time and patience. She sounds like she might make a lovely pet for a quiet couple perhaps, who can devote all their time and energy into training her.
Maybe ask the kennels if they'll take your husband too?

Thanks guys. I didn't expect any replies so am very grateful.

My DH can be verbally aggressive to me. I had an abusive childhood but only realised this a few years ago and so it's not surprising that I only realised I was being an emotional doormat to my DH last week. He is a good person but emotionally fucked due a childhood you wouldn't believe. He gets angry instead of sad or stressed and thinks its OK to take it out (verbally) on me. I have told him it's not OK to be like this and he is seeking help for this as of last week. We just didn't know this was even a thing because we are both pretty damaged. However, we are both keen to learn and want to be the best we can be with the shitty hands dealt us.

He doesn't hit. But his verbal aggression is profound and like being hit and this is what would scare the dog. He took the dog for a walk just now and when they got back it was clear the dog was stressed. I showed DH this because he was actually really chuffed and thought all was great. I showed him the dogs body language and he was crestfallen but took it on board and is starting from the beginning. He is listening to me when I tell him to let the dog go up to him and take the treat. I have told him his shouting scares the dog. I am showing him the dogs stress signs like panting, licking lips etc and he was listening hard. Tbh he is taking it all on the chin despite a week of some intense honesty about his behaviour.

He hasn't listened to me properly before. I think he honestly thought I would magically make the dog like him with my training and because I hadn't I was at fault. Now he gets that he has to put the work in for the dog to like him. Which is insane! How can he not know this?! Anyway, he does now.

And all this is great. But I can't help but hear your resounding plea for me to rehome her. I would never rehome her personally, she would go back to the charity. Because they know she has bitten my DS I don't think she would ever be rehomed which is what made me change my mind with her a couple of months ago. I thought she might as well stay with us as live her life out in a shelter. (they have a no kill policy which is great).

The family are trying. But personally I know now we cannot keep her.

Thanks guys.

OP I’m impressed you’ve come to a hard realization. I foster dogs from all sorts of situations and while I sometimes when I hear of her another fog given up on, in your situation you must give her back. Your marriage and the fact the dog is hit, is causing a situation where your dog is being abused. No phone deserves that and what’s going to happen is a bite out of fear/defence and the consequences for your dog will be so unfair. There is no choice here, the fact the dog lives kennels is also a sign - something super stressful for most dogs is less stressful than being in your home. That’s a hard realization...

Please also get help for you and your son.

Sorry for the typos, lying down with a headache!

You may find it very hard to rehome her but please don't beat yourself up. Sadly some dogs are so damaged by their early experiences that they can not be rehabilitated.

I doubt your delightful sounding ‘d’h is treating the dog the way you want him to. Tbh, if you’re considering rexhoming, take her to the vet. It is highly unlikely a dog known to bite will get a new home so she’ll languish in kennels forever more then be euthanised anyway.

Hitting is not the answer but sometimes a physical reminder works. I have a spray bottle which I spray towards him if he growls at a person. It snaps him out of his fear/anger

No, it teaches him that he will be punished if he growls. So now he has no way of warning a human if he is stressed or fearful. The first you will know of it is when he bites.

He thinks I am too soft on her and should hit her more.

When he says hit her more, who's hitting her, you or your DH? Or both? I think you should rehome her as she and your husband are not compatible. It just isn't fair on the dog. It sounds as if your husband is an aggressive bully and you have too much on sorting that out to throw a dog into the equation as well. She probably would be a lovely dog if she were in a different home.