AIBU To judge parents who refuse to pay their contribution to student maintenance loan at Uni?

[ThunderandPharoah]

Have got some friends who are not going to stump up for their parental contribution when their DD starts Uni this year. Can't help thinking that this is a pretty low thing to do as they are not exactly short of money. Would you judge?

Wasn’t it you who suggested if you had girls they didn’t eat as much ?

I’m happy to concede that due to your choice of childcare and dainty (yuk) female offspring you have experienced no shock at the increase in costs as your child grew up. Well done.

Wasn’t it you who suggested if you had girls they didn’t eat as much

I said that they didn't eat as much as 6ft tall hungry teenagers but considering that 50% of the population are female that is not the same as my children eat "less than the norm".

I’m happy to concede that due to your choice of childcare and dainty (yuk) female offspring you have experienced no shock at the increase in costs as your child grew up. Well done.

What do you mean regarding "choice of childcare" ? Do you think I chose something particularly expensive because I said costs were massive?! My costs were pretty average but that doesn't mean they weren't massive.

You’re absolutely right on every point @Dungeondragon15 your experience trumps mine in every way. I should never have dreamed of posting my thoughts at all.

How do you feel about the £30k maintainance it’s going to cost your family to get eachchild thro university?

How do you feel about the £30k maintainance it’s going to cost your family to get eachchild thro university?

It is £5 k a year. so about £15 to £20k overall, not 30k I am already paying it and it is less in real terms than what I paid for childcare (in today's money about 8k a year and I also earned less due to reduced hours).

It's a way off for me, but should my children want to attend university and it's the best thing for their aspirations then I will do my best to make up the shortfall. It's very difficult though for middle earners
particularly if more than one child will go.

Whilst I plan to support where I can, I will expect my children to work during the holidays at least. They get a long break in the summer. I graduated 2008 but always always worked during the holidays- my mum simply could not afford to fund my entire life. My brother also worked during his holidays and so did my DH.

I think if your teenager by themselves is costing you £20k/ year (full-time childcare round by me) in food, activities and clothes then you're doing something very wrong. You'll need to keep funding that through university because the loans simply won't cover that plus rent and bills. To keep up the same lifestyle once they graduate they would need to earn £25k plus enough for rent / mortgage and bills, that's an intolerable burden for a young person. Unless you have a huge trust fund for them it would really be better to teach them how to be more careful with their money and live according to a reasonable budget.

I REALLY don’t think I need to teach my children to be more abstemious but thank you for your concern.

You sound like you have everything figured out. Let’s meet back in twenty years time and you can demonstrate how right you were?

@yoursworried I agree. You worked through university and if your parents can’t find you what choice is there? If doing your best isn’t enough, I think there probably is far more wrong with your relationship than a lack of funds no.

How do you feel about the £30k maintainance it’s going to cost your family to get eachchild thro university?

I was counting the children as part of the family £18k family money spent per annum.

Sorry that may have made it less clear. £9k a year on maintenance times three years, I rounded up to 30. This is getting weirder and weirder

@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis tbh I don't really know anyone who didn't work during their holidays. You get 3 months...it's a long time to do no paid work.
I have a wealthy friend from uni whose parents paid her accommodation and loan, but not her 'fun money' or any other expenses she worked in a bar for that during the holidays. Another friend worked for her parents farm. I worked in a shop because my mum was a single parent, DH worked in a supermarket because he is one of 4 kids. We all got good grades and enough time to study around our part time jobs. And a good work ethic on top.

It is hard enough these days with high housing costs, pensions, saving for children, day to day life without excusing adult children from the most basic of part time work to make a contribution to their own aspirations and desires.

I think most people work during the holidays whether or not the parents make their contribution to the loan. That's always been the case.

£9k a year on maintenance times three years, I rounded up to 30. This is getting weirder and weirder

Even weirder - it costs a maximum of £5k a year for maintenance if your household income is over £65k. Not £9k at all. Are people being argumentative for the sake of it?

If so can they take their arguments elsewhere because there's already enough misinformation here - and misinformation worries people, especially those with little university experience.

Please don't put people off by peddling bollocks.

Well I'm overjoyed to say that dd has a part time job. Ive no idea how easily she will fit it in with uni workload which for her course is meant to be excessive but have told her to start it and see how it goes!

All my friends worked too. I worked term time as well but evenings. It was fine.

The gap between maintenance loan and living costs (or just accommodation costs) can be more than £5k, that's the problem.

@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis - seriously!? We currently spend that much on DH, me and a toddler for all our general expenses, living costs and food (excluding housing cost, housing maintenance, furniture etc). Not because we're constrained by a budget, but because that's all we need to spend. If your teenagers are spending more than £20k each excluding housing cost then there's something going wrong, are they taking drugs?

Just to add detail. Our daughters accommodation costs next year will be £7, 500. That’s before transport and eating.

YABU. You don't know their circumstances, whether the child could have chosen a cheaper course at a different university, whether their DC is a feckless waster and they are trying to encourage him/ her to get a job.\

Neither of my nieces has had a proper job while at Uni, they can't work in the holidays because they are going on holiday with mates and on holiday with their parents and travelling all over the country visiting mates for long weekends.

I went to Uni in the 80s so I had free tuition, my father was supposed to controbute to my living expenses but it was always short, I worked every holiday and I'd worked a saturday job from 16 before I left home.

When I came to apply for full time work, my work ethic was apparent to anyone reading my CV - I'd been consistently employed for the previous 5 years.

Depends on the course, but not everyone does science or medicine. If we funded less kids to go to second rate unis to do second rate degrees, there would be money to fund a decent education for those that merit it regardless of financial background. But there is also an element of self help that comes into it.

I’m not interested in interacting with you @MRex. I’m sure your teenagers are very cheap to look after and that they were extremely expensive to pay for when you needed full time nursery. You don’t need to know anything more about my family. You certainly don’t need to be suggesting that they need how to be more careful with their money and live according to a reasonable budget., or to suggest there's something going wrong, are they taking drugs, what on Earth is wrong with you? You’re behaving like a bully. Leave me alone.

So they get a loan for fees and a loan for maintenance and parents are expected to pay 5k on top of this if they earn 65k.

So what happens to those who don't earn 65k, do their dc have to earn about 5k per year for the shortfall, or would they need even more than this. I'm confused.

DD2’s hall fees in her first year were £6,500 pa, and we paid around £6,000 pa after that for her rent, bills and some food. (Not in the SE either) Her health was not up to studying and working part time.

So what happens to those who don't earn 65k, do their dc have to earn about 5k per year for the shortfall, or would they need even more than this. I'm confused.

No - they qualify for higher maintenance loans on a sliding scale. Once your household income is under £25k the students gets the full loan amount of almost £9k (more if London).

We earn less than £65k and will get £5,500 for DD. We will pay the difference. She has worked for last 2 years in hols and weekends so has about £3k saved.

The difference being £2250 pa in catered halls (en suite).

Kashali Students from low income families get a larger loan. There's a sliding scale from ~£25k where parents contribute nothing to £65K where they are expected to pay £5K.

The system is actually far from perfect, unlike in the 80s when I went to Uni the parental contribution is not clearly spelt out, although of course there were fuckwit parents who said they 'couldn't afford' to support their kids back then as well. In addition the parental contribution for children of divorced parents is only based on the resident parent. This leads to anomalies in two different ways, a rich non-resident parent isn't expected to contribute but a rich partner of the resident parent is, even though there is no blood connection to the student.