With DH for sharing with MIL details about our life

[beyoncessweatband]

I've NC for this.

Anyway DH shares a lot with his mum. More than his brothers
His mum asks for pics of the gc every day. I made it clear to DH I would not be indulging her. She has several other gc so I'm not sure if her obsession with dc is because he's the youngest or because DH is her favourite son.

Anyway, he speaks or texts her every day and sends her pics of our dc. It's gotten to the point whenever dc does anything insignificant he's willing out his phone to take a pic of video for his mum.

I'm trying to work out why it bothers me so much. I think it maybe because he shares details about my life with her and she's generally a gossip.

When I miscarried she said she wanted to ring and offer me words of comfort which I thought was sweet until she said you weren't pregnant for long so don't be too upset

When DH and I were having our first scan for this dc the doc mentioned I had cysts and he then told his mum about it who then called me up to mention he'd told her. We did struggle with infertility and she kept saying to me how all her sons her fertile thus implying the issue was with me so I'm sure as he told her about the cysts it confirmed whatever she was thinking. He told her all the details of my midwife appointments. If I tell him something minor happens to me at work he'll tell his parents. I just feel like he tells his parents too much stuff about his life and by extension my life. I find myself not telling him things.

I don't want to keep writing otherwise I'd be writing all night.

My thoughts are all jumbled but right now I feel like he puts keeping his parents happy by giving them my dc as some sort of you for amusement over my need for privacy.

I don't know. I feel like I know I'm being totally unreasonable but I'm sure MN will let me know
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"His closeness to his mum makes him a very kind person and he does keep her feelings in consideration."

But doesn't consider your feelings!

I can't help wondering if he does it to stay the favourite?

You'll make peace with it so as not to upset him???

Oh please-he really is treated like a baby, isn't he?

Tbh he sounds awful.

Seemingly no boundaries/awareness & mummy comes first!

I don’t see the problem if he’s not telling his mum private things between him and you. Plenty of women are that close with their mums.

@Teddybear45 but he's telling her about op medical stuff!

I'll try having another conversation with him. Last time I spoke to him about it was during the first two weeks of dc life. MiL was turning up every other day and was getting on my nerves. In the end I told him to tell her to stop coming round so often and it lead to a whole bunch of other resentments coming up including his over sharing. We had a blazing row because he couldn't understand why my mum could be round often but not his. As well as him not understanding why he couldn't share with his mum our whole lives

I need to get to a point where I'm able to discuss it calmly because right now I've built up many years more of resentment by not saying anything hence me posting here

I would be livid. He can share all he likes about himself and his children but he should definitely not be sharing stuff that is personal to you and you don’t want him to.
As for whipping out his phone constantly, that’s ridiculous. It seems like his first thought about his children isn’t along the lines of ‘wow my child is clever/funny/entertaining’ and be in the moment but ‘oh my mum has to see this’

Anyway I'm having to make peace with it because the last time I addressed it he got upset

But he doesn’t seem to care that he’s upsetting you though does he? If you’ve spoken to him about it before he knows how you feel but continues to overshare.

Why is your self esteem so low that you would accept this and suck it up so he isn’t “upset” that you are asking for reasonable boundaries within a relationship/your right to privacy to be respected?

Why does his need to tell his DM everything more important than your need for privacy?

Not wanting your DH to tell your confidential medical information is entirely reasonable

There is a problem though where your mum can came round whenever she likes but his gets told not to.

RedHelenB most woman find it more comfortable being around there own DM following the birth of a DC. Especially getting fro grips with breastfeeding and feeling quite emotional. MIL aren’t all demons but they can be a challenge and expectations can be different in this early days of a new baby. If she was coming round to help then that’s different but if it was turning up simply because she was jealous of OP DM was there being a lot then it’s just silly game playing . Turning up, helping making tea and tidying up in those early days is just such a helpful thing to do but my own MIL turned up and hogged the baby and I was expected to get on with making them all lunch

he couldn't understand why my mum could be round often but not his

The question here is if you'd genuinely be more pleased to see her if she behaved decently, or if the damage they've caused and your natural resentment means that ship's sailed. He's entitled to comment if his mum's being frozen out of course, but then he also needs to look at why that might be - especially given the other siblings' / IL's positions

You can't fight too many battles at once, so personally I'd concentrate on him and what he's prepared to do about this. He is after all your primary relationship, so seems a good place to start

For some context, I send my mum pics everyday but we live far apart.

" he couldn't understand why my mum could be round often but not his. As well as him not understanding why he couldn't share with his mum our whole lives "

Was he at home & wanting to see his mum?

If not, then I think you choose who you want to see when you're at home.

As for him not understanding why he shouldn't share everything with his mum-is it just easier to not understand?

She is cruel to you and the things she has said are unforgivable.

"His mum has banged on for years about how his brothers don't ring her or share much about the grandkids."
Ask him why he thinks this brothers do this. It could be illuminating to see how he sees his brothers' behaviour in comparison to his own.

"I need to get to a point where I'm able to discuss it calmly because right now I've built up many years more of resentment by not saying anything hence me posting here"
I'm so sorry he does this to you.