To have flipped

[doesthiseemright]

Or do I need the pole extracted from my behind?

I was in my kitchen, which has a side back door leading onto an enclosed outside patio area at the side of the house which is accessed by a side gate from the driveway. I do have a functioning front door.
Happily making lunch for the kids in the privacy of my own home.
Next thing I am scared out of my wits by a loud rap on the window in the kitchen and one of DH's friends shouting loudly "are you decent, have you got your clothes on?"

I flipped, swore, opened the door and asked why he had come through the side door and what did he want? After figuring that all out I decided to tell him that I don't appreciate him coming down the side of my house and shouting things like that with all of the neighbours so close and in their gardens etc.

Rather than apologising, he patronisingly told me that MOST people would find that funny. To which I replied, some do not, including me and that the truth was that he gave me a fright. He wasn't having it.

For context, this guy is pervy and creepy and every time he calls around in the day, makes some lewd comment about DH and I being naked or having afternoon delight or something. I work at home so am there trying to get work done.
AIBU in flipping? Would you find that "funny?" . God, I'm so wound up, he has really upset me. Yes, I know it's not the worst thing in the world but really!

Massive overreaction.

Get a bolt on that gate...so it can't be opened from the outside and tell your DH. If my DH's "friend" did that, he'd probably not be his friend any more.

"fuck off and do not come to our house again"

End of. Creepy fucker.

Tell your DH to sort it out too and never invite him over again.

Yeuuch. He needed to be told but sadly, sounds like it’s fallen deaf ears.

You perfectly entitled to stand in your own house, minding your own business, without some tool frightening you out of your skin.

He is obviously getting a thrill out of surprising you.

You didn’t I overreact, OP. You don’t like his boundaries, or lack of.
Why should you put up with him?

He treated me like I was a fool for asking him not to shout things like that out. I think that's mostly why I am wound up tbh. I am not a prude but its gross.

I am also mortified that I swore.

Also if he gave you a big fright, your flight or fight response would have been triggered (which he clearly wanted). So you weren’t feeling calm. The only thing to do would be to run or ‘fight’. You chose the correct one.
He will keep going until he ‘catches’ you/your husband.
I bet lots of women were told they were overreacting to Weinstein, et al.

You can be a prude if you want to be. It’s no less valid a choice than anything else.
In your own house.
You can be and do whAt you like - do long as you’re not upsetting others. (Loud noise, etc.)

I will be getting a bolt, as recommended :)

If he's a creepy perv why is he even in your life?

No, you didn't over-react. He sounds like a nightmare.

What a jerk he is.

@Jemima232 one of DH's "mates". Why do men have friends they don't even seem to like?

Why hasn't he been told (by his friend, your DH) that he's not welcome in your home, especially given his inability not to be a creep?

I'd have told him to fuck right off. You did not overreact, he sounds like a prick.

You should talk to your dh about his choice of friends.

Once he walked into the house and made a giant "T" sign with his arms at me, demanding a cuppa. I SO wanted to do the "V" back at him.

Why do men have friends they don't even seem to like?

They do like them, that's why they're friends.

DP doesn't have friends who behave like that, because he doesn't like creepy people. Your DH obviously does like this friend.

Sexual predators totally get off on ‘surprise’.
They start off flashing, then graduate to much.
You were 100% within your rights to call him out. As pp says, remove from him the opportunity to do this. (Gate locks, etc)

He’s a dick and gets off on upsetting you.

What a knob! I would have reacted the same way. Pleased you are getting a bolt on gate!

sexual predators totally get off on ‘surprise’.They start off flashing, then graduate to much Oh god, that makes me feel quite ill.

Next time he appears like that, don’t open the door until you have a jug of cold water in your hand. Open door, throw out water over ‘friend’, close and lock door.

If he complains say you have had a problem with nasty Tom cats and it’s the only way to scare them off. Point out that he was the one that gave you a fright and that most people would find it funny. And that it will happen every time he gives you a fright.

Plus tell your dh that he needs to meet friend elsewhere, not at your house...

Lock on the gate.
Doberman just to be sure.
That would have wound me up a bit.....

What has your DH said about it or to him?

DH is at work, not home.