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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have flipped

76 replies

doesthiseemright · 22/06/2019 14:15

Or do I need the pole extracted from my behind?

I was in my kitchen, which has a side back door leading onto an enclosed outside patio area at the side of the house which is accessed by a side gate from the driveway. I do have a functioning front door.
Happily making lunch for the kids in the privacy of my own home.
Next thing I am scared out of my wits by a loud rap on the window in the kitchen and one of DH's friends shouting loudly "are you decent, have you got your clothes on?"

I flipped, swore, opened the door and asked why he had come through the side door and what did he want? After figuring that all out I decided to tell him that I don't appreciate him coming down the side of my house and shouting things like that with all of the neighbours so close and in their gardens etc.

Rather than apologising, he patronisingly told me that MOST people would find that funny. To which I replied, some do not, including me and that the truth was that he gave me a fright. He wasn't having it.

For context, this guy is pervy and creepy and every time he calls around in the day, makes some lewd comment about DH and I being naked or having afternoon delight or something. I work at home so am there trying to get work done.
AIBU in flipping? Would you find that "funny?" . God, I'm so wound up, he has really upset me. Yes, I know it's not the worst thing in the world but really!

OP posts:
Original poster
doesthiseemright · 22/06/2019 15:16

I just managed to tell DH. He wasn't too impressed.
He said, "well, he won't be coming 'round again in a hurry, will he?"

OP posts:
Snidpan · 22/06/2019 15:16

oh god, he's one of those twats. It'll all fall on deaf ears, and be water off a duck's back, and he'll appear hurt and mortified by anything you say, and he'll do it very well, and you'll feel guilty and foolish.

He's one of those twats

Snidpan · 22/06/2019 15:16

! ! ! I meant the friend, not hubby!

Original poster
doesthiseemright · 22/06/2019 15:18

@Snidpan yes, that is him to a. well......"T"

OP posts:
SavingSpaces2019 · 22/06/2019 15:25

For context, this guy is pervy and creepy and every time he calls around in the day, makes some lewd comment about DH and I being naked or having afternoon delight or something
I don't think you 'overreacted' at all.
I'm just surprised that neither you or dh have said or done anything about this before now.

SingingLily · 22/06/2019 15:25

Recognise the type (don't we all?). A "bit of a lad" even though he should have grown up by now. A "bit of a character". And anyone who doesn't get his humour (for "anyone" by the way, read "women") is a humourless cow.

So that would be 99.9999999% of us then.

Let me guess. No stable relationship of his own?

TitsInAbsentia · 22/06/2019 15:27

he's a total knob and needs to be told he is not allowed to call round unannounced EVER Angry

Siameasy · 22/06/2019 15:27

In the context you describe he sounds like Fred West so yanbu

Bookworm4 · 22/06/2019 15:30

Why is coming round if your DH is at work? Sounds a pervy chancer to me

Senseofself1 · 22/06/2019 15:36

Well done you! What a jerk.

skybluee · 22/06/2019 15:41

Just horrible, probably knew he had scared you and thought it was funny. Definitely get locks - ASAP - make it a priority. You'll feel better once you've got those and it's secure.

OldUnit · 22/06/2019 15:52

All these things, from the comments- to the surprising you are part of a power play.

There's absolutely no chance of a sexual liaison- he can't 'win you' that way, and I think he knows that and resents it. His power and control as a man is therefore compromised so he will engage in many little micro-aggressions to 'win' in any encounter with you. Having you back down following a sleazy comment, blocking a doorway, HAVING to micro touch you every time you meet, keeping you in conversation even though he knows you have to rush off, surprising you. All micro aggressions.

Recognise and deal with them all accordingly, as he will change his tactics to suit as you scupper each one.

Speak to your DP, unless you've been on the receiving end of this, it's impossible to know how sinister it feels. Thanks

AcrossthePond55 · 22/06/2019 15:57

It would scare the pee-water out of me if some idiot came knocking on my kitchen door or window (round the back of my house).

Hopefully he's got the message, but if he does it again I'd absolutely ignore him until he went away no matter how long or loudly he knocked or tried to get my attention. Or better yet I'd walk to the door and windows and drop the blinds down in his face!

And I'd be sure that I kept my doors locked.

VivienneHolt · 22/06/2019 15:59

Yanbu, sounds like a creepy fucker behaving really weirdly!

Graphista · 22/06/2019 16:01

Dh wasn't impressed with him or your reaction? It's not clear.

Why on earth was he even there when dh at work and he's most definitely dh's friend not yours?

In your shoes I'd be making it clear he's not welcome at your home at the very very least unless dh is home, only then if invited not unannounced, though to be honest I'd not want him there at all due to his appallingly rude behaviour.

Definitely get locks on the gate and keep front and back door locked too.

I know pp are saying he's unlikely to escalate to anything sinister but the truth is we don't know and I for one wouldn't be chancing it!

It's "ordinary" men that DO assault women after all they don't have horns or neon signs announcing their intent.

And dh needs to back you!

Quite honestly I'd think very little of a man who chose a man like this as a friend.

Original poster
doesthiseemright · 22/06/2019 16:03

Sorry, not impressed with HIM.

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 22/06/2019 16:04

I think I would have taken a broom to him; he sounds gross.

TigerLilyMasie · 22/06/2019 16:18

I don't think you overreacted. I wouldn't have been happy about that myself. It's very 'familiar' to come that way into the house when the front door is perfectly fine. He obviously wanted to startle you and make an entrance which is why he raps loudly and to then make lewd comments about being dressed puts the cherry on the cake.

He's an annoying nuisance.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 22/06/2019 16:20

Why would he come round knowing his friend was at work anyway?

Yes, lock the back gate and tell him not to come round again unless pre planned and when husband is at home so he can make the bloody tea.

TigerLilyMasie · 22/06/2019 16:20

wibbletooth

Ha!ha!

CoraPirbright · 22/06/2019 16:28

Why was he coming around? I would tell your DH to tell this creepy bastard to never come to the house again.

OldUnit speaks much sense re micro-aggressions and power plays. Urrrgh.

RosaWaiting · 22/06/2019 16:30

YANBU at all. Sounds like a right perv.

It wasn't a one off "are you decent" but I think some posters maybe haven't read even the whole of your opening post.

InionEile · 22/06/2019 16:38

Sounds like that character Finchy from The Office. Awful line in nudge-nudge wink-wink 'humour' and Benny Hill type references. Is he quite elderly or did he just get to your house in a time machine from the 1970s?

1Wildheartsease · 22/06/2019 16:53

If he is your husband's friend, it is odd that he comes around (and inflicts this behaviour on you) when his friend is out.

His humour might have appealed to people (men?) in the 1970s but probably not most of them.

As for the 'T' sign - well perhaps it might be taken for self-description. I can think of a few 'T's that might apply.

You could always reply with an 'N' for no - made of two finger V signs?

IamWaggingBrenda · 22/06/2019 17:14

Why is he showing up in the middle of the day, when I’m assuming your DH isn’t around? And you say he’s a pervy creep? Ugh. How disturbing. You did not overreact and I’m surprised your DH hasn’t said anything to him already.