To have flipped

[doesthiseemright]

Or do I need the pole extracted from my behind?

I was in my kitchen, which has a side back door leading onto an enclosed outside patio area at the side of the house which is accessed by a side gate from the driveway. I do have a functioning front door.
Happily making lunch for the kids in the privacy of my own home.
Next thing I am scared out of my wits by a loud rap on the window in the kitchen and one of DH's friends shouting loudly "are you decent, have you got your clothes on?"

I flipped, swore, opened the door and asked why he had come through the side door and what did he want? After figuring that all out I decided to tell him that I don't appreciate him coming down the side of my house and shouting things like that with all of the neighbours so close and in their gardens etc.

Rather than apologising, he patronisingly told me that MOST people would find that funny. To which I replied, some do not, including me and that the truth was that he gave me a fright. He wasn't having it.

For context, this guy is pervy and creepy and every time he calls around in the day, makes some lewd comment about DH and I being naked or having afternoon delight or something. I work at home so am there trying to get work done.
AIBU in flipping? Would you find that "funny?" . God, I'm so wound up, he has really upset me. Yes, I know it's not the worst thing in the world but really!

Sorry OP I’m sure he’s not a fully-paid up member (of the sexual predator mob). Didn’t mean to frighten you.
But he does need stopped.

I don’t think YABU unreasonable in the slightest. I’d be asking my DH to reconsider the friendship TBH he sounds grim.

Just out of interest, does he know your DH sometimes works Saturdays?
I like the cold water suggestion.

So if you have told DH what happened, what is he planning to do? His friend does not have a right to treat you this way, he just sounds like a creepy sleazebag.

Unless this is the first time this "friend" has creeped you out, where your DH is today is irrelevant.

Why hasn't anyone told him to fuck off and stop being a creepy dick?

Cross posted with lots of people. Why is he even there if your dh is at work? Very odd. Unless he is a pervy oddball.

I would tell him he needs to go, you’re busy. And if he demands T again, I would just say sorry, not on offer. Have some W (water) and then go.

I will have a word with DH tonight , looking forward to seeing what he says!

I'd be making sure the side gate is bolted top & bottom OP. He sounds creepy & I wouldn't trust a guy who's constantly making sexual comments then turning up when you're alone.

I am also mortified that I swore.

Don't be. YANBU. Creep is bang out of order.

Next time (wearyingly, we all know there's gonna be a next time), shout even louder. Along the lines of: "This is my house, & you are not welcome in it with your creepy manner & pervy remarks. Sod off & don't come back."

It's a very big push of boundaries. He has totally got a buzz out of the fright he gave u and you rising to the bait

I'd text DH tell him to ring friend and advise him his well being is at risk from u if that ever happens again.
He is a twat.

YANBU.

Bolt for the gate. Tell your DH that he needs to have a word with his so-called mate.

If a fuckwitt like this made a big T sign at me I'd throw boiling water over him.

The guy shouldn't have done that. I wouldn't have liked it, it would have startled me. Though I live in a semi, there isn't room for anyone to come around the back so they have to ring the doorbell.

He was quite rude imo.

I think the "T" thing was even more irritating than the pervy comments tbh.

Thing is, OP, if it had been someone else, someone who doesn't have a track record of making creepy remarks, you might have been startled but you would have been less upset by it. Because your instincts recognise that this man is no friend of yours. He may not be working himself up to some sort of sexual assault on you - it might be more that he's a woman-hating bully and it's not about getting his dick wet so much as about upsetting and offending you, because all women need to be 'put in their place'.

So yes, bolts on the gate, and tell your H you are sick of this tiresome man being rude to you in your own home and your H can socialise with him else where.

The 'T' thing is born from the same impulse as the comments are: the feeling that he is important; the desire to put you in your place (with plausible deniability--'just a laugh!'); the complete lack of boundaries, manners, or empathy.

He gets off on the response. Not necessarily gets off in a sexual way, but he enjoys seeing you wrong-footed; he gets pleasure and satisfaction from it.

Cool, wearied sneering is always the best cold water on this. ('What are you doing, you pathetic man?', drawled, works wonders.) It takes away the satisfaction at having upset the applecart. But I rarely manage it.

It's all really shit and he sounds awful. I'd tell your husband you don't want to see him around again.

Oh gosh, of course. In case anyone reading thinks I am getting the notion that he is working up to an assault- no I'm not. Yes, I think he is (just?) a misogynistic twat.

I would have been furious too. YADNBU.

I doubt he is a sex predator, just a big idiot with a self inflated opinion of his own importance and who thinks he is the funniest person in the world. Truth is he is probably quite unpopular among his peers but is too thick to realise that his ridiculous behaviour is the cause. Sadly I have met a few of these people.

The jug of water is almost a great plan... improve on it and make it a bucket full!. And get that bolt for the door.

As to the T sign, if he ever tries that again then stand your ground as you would with a small rude child and tell him that when he is prepared to ask nicely then you might consider it.

No way did you over react, if anything you UNDER reacted. What a creep, I would have screamed my head off at him and left him in NO doubt that his behaviour was not normal and completely unwelcome.

Your DH needs to either drop this guy as a mate or only see him away from the house. He would not be welcome in my home.

And yes, bolts on the gate!

Ugh - if anyone came up the side of the house and accosted me through my own kitchen window, I'd set the dogs on him.

doesthiseemright please say you didn’t make him any tea??

He thinks he is more important in your DH’s life than you are. He’s belittling you and your DH needs to tell him very firmly to stop. Were they friends before you met your DH? You need to be there when he does this or the friend will try to downplay it.

Get a bolt on that gate...so it can't be opened from the outside and tell your DH. If my DH's "friend" did that, he'd probably not be his friend anymore.

This.

You didn't overreact at all. He had no business to be there and, as regards the T sign, I would have told DH to make his tea.

Yanbu. What a knob.

No freakin' way did I make him that tea.