Party Etiquette, host or charge?

[Tuesday66]

My child had their prom last week. It’s quite a small school (private) & one of the parents kindly offered to host an after-prom party, via email.

How lovely I thought, then further along mentioned a cost of £10 per head. This was to cover drinks & food.
The prom venue was already providing a buffet, so it was changed to nibbles & drinks (apparently alcoholic ones at that - this is for year 11) and reduced the cost to £5.

Surely if you’re hosting, you do just that or ask parents to provide drinks they’re happy for their child drink?

How many kids are involved? It does seem a little cheap on the surface, but if you’re talking about 100 kids, then even providing a couple of cans of Coke and crisps per head will come to £3. And presumably they’ll need to have their house cleaned afterwards etc etc. I wouldn’t charge - as it does look stingy. But then I wouldn’t offer to do it in the first place because of the hassle and mess!

£5 a head is pretty good value if you think of it as for a venue and drinks and nibbles.

Be thankful someone else is offering to do this - there is shit loads of admin and time spent setting up and clearing down after a party.

The correct response would be “amazing, thanks so much for hosting”. Fucks sake.

About 40-50 in the year, not sure on how many went to the party.

Blueskies, it wasn’t a prom party (that was at a venue) it was an after party, about 2-3 hrs long.

At my kids prom there are a couple of pre prom parties of about 20 kids and some parents. The hostesses are not asking for contributions, though I’ll bring some drink and I’m sure people will offer to help with nibbles.
No one has taken up the challenge of an after party though! That would be about 40-50 kids all wanting to let loose! But if someone had I’m sure people would contribute food and drink, but no one would actually ask for it. Proms are expensive enough (outfit, £30 per person ticket, transport).
Having said all that, a £5 contribution to the poor parents hosting is reasonable and I’d pay it if requested.

My DD made a contribution of about £5 to her after prom party in y11. She was also at an independent school and as far as I can recall typically someone with a lot of land steps up to host (around 250 pupils). The contribution really covered a marquee. It was the same deal for both of her older brothers. I’m just glad what we have is a garden and definitely not land and grateful that someone did volunteer every year. Not an issue again as end of y13 they just go into town!

I would gratefully pay a fiver to not have to deal with the hassle of hosting a party. I think you’re being a wee bit stingy to a parent who is doing something all your kids will be grateful for.

And Blueskieslies, you weren’t the host?

The correct reply is "thank you so much for taking the time to arrange this for them all, because my kid would love to attend but I haven't sorted anything myself"

then pay the £5 and send the mum a thank you card after the event for organising.

Would you want 40-50 16 year-olds in your house OP?
I personally would not go to the hassle of trying to get £5 from all the parents, but nor wouid it bother me if I was asked to contribute either. It’s really not much and not a big deal.

I’d be quite happy to host (40-50) btw & wouldn’t dream of charging an entrance fee etc.

If the cost was mentioned in original email then I don’t see the issue. A large group I’m involved with have get together a but everyone brings their own drinks and items for table. The host still has to organise, decorate and clear up (with a little help). I wouldn’t expect them to find the whole thing though when it’s not a personal celebration. The kids will love the evening being extended for few hours, worth a fiver!

Ha ha I wouldn't let them in my house for £20 a head, it's really kind of those parents!

Cannot imagine anyone begrudging a fiver for this, honestly.

They were in the garden. Yes of course, keep my eye on them!

I think if she sent an email implying that she was happy to have them all over after the prom, but then, after people had accepted, sent a second mail asking for £70 or something to cover the cost of the marquee, champagne and catering staff, then you might have a point. But £5? Really? Why do you object so much?

Blueskies, it wasn’t a prom party (that was at a venue) it was an after party, about 2-3 hrs long

Yes I understood that.

But essentially for a fiver you are getting a venue (their house) and drinks and nibbles and zero hassle of setting up, supervising or cleaning.

As pp's have said, the 'host' is already supplying the venue, party prep and clearance - surely you think 'get in!, I don't have to do it' and happily throw a fiver in the pot?

FWIW, I'm having a fiftieth, everyone is buying their own lunch at a local restaurant, then supplying their own drinks for a party for 70 back at mine. We are supplying 'welcome drinks and laying on a buffet from the local takeaway in the evening. That's how we roll in these parts!

I’d be quite happy to host

Obviously your children didn’t feel the same way or they would have been bugging you to host the party already.

Honestly. It’s a fiver. You’re not having to do anything. Why do you have to look for the worst in the situation instead of thinking ‘great, I’m sure it will be a fun party’

I think £5 a head is great value and I'd be happy for my child to attend the after party hosted by a fellow parent. I think it's a generous offer and a token contribution is what I would expect.
I'd much rather that than a bunch of them going out and trying their luck getting into a local bar/nightclub ( which is the culture around here)after the prom as they don't want the party to end!
I'd probably send a thank you and a bottle for the host after the event too.

I’d never offer to host and charge myself

Equally, I would never think negatively of anyone for doing so either

Nope, if we were hosting such an event either we'd pay for it or the kids would organise themselves to bring various elements.

Can't understand why the parents are involved in the organising??

Yabu.
I would a million times over rather pay a mere fiver than host.
Even though I've never charged for hosting, I actually think paying the host makes far far more sense, and everyone's social lives would improve if it became the norm. No more getting cross with those who dont reciprocate, no more only hosting only once a year because of the huge costs.
We have one group of friends we do this for for our Xmas do, everyone pays a bit which not only covers the cost of the food, but also a cleaner for afterwards. It actually is completely win win if you can forget about traditional etiquette for a second.

Are you kidding? Yabu.

It is very very very nice of this parent to host, and it's clear that it is a favour to the school and their pupils / parents rather than a social occasion for them.

They will have to spend several hours getting their house ready for the party, buy the nibbles and drinks, allow for the cost of whatever will get inevitably broken and pay their cleaner for several hours of extra work to clean up after.

I highly doubt £5 a head will even cover the cost when you take account of the above.

As mentioned above, I wouldn't even do it even if I was making a decent profit out of it so it is very mean spirited to complain about a tiny £5 cost.