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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party Etiquette, host or charge?

94 replies

Tuesday66 · 22/06/2019 10:50

My child had their prom last week. It’s quite a small school (private) & one of the parents kindly offered to host an after-prom party, via email.

How lovely I thought, then further along mentioned a cost of £10 per head. This was to cover drinks & food.
The prom venue was already providing a buffet, so it was changed to nibbles & drinks (apparently alcoholic ones at that - this is for year 11) and reduced the cost to £5.

Surely if you’re hosting, you do just that or ask parents to provide drinks they’re happy for their child drink? Confused

OP posts:
ChequerBoard · 22/06/2019 12:15

May DD just had her Prom. A friends parents hosted the Afterprom party and I was more than happy to chip in the £20 requested. This covered hire of a marquee, separate buys and girls portaloos,snacks and soft drinks.

TBH I was just grateful to them for taking it on, not a responsibility I would have wanted myself.

Begrudging £10 isvery cheap of you OP. Imagine the noise and the cleanup afterwards!

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 22/06/2019 12:20

YABU - they are doing everyone a service, giving the kids somewhere safe and supervised to attend together (rather than get into mischief elsewhere).

Pay the money and be very grateful.

Aprillygirl · 22/06/2019 12:26

All the effort the parent has gone to to organise a fun time for the kids and you begrudge her a poxy fiver. Jesus OP I hardly have a pot to piss in but I'd buy the host some chocolates too and be bloody grateful!

rosemarysalted · 22/06/2019 12:52

Give the money, a thank you card and a bunch of flowers. And be grateful.

DogHasEatenTheSqueaker · 22/06/2019 13:53

Surely if you sent them along with food/drink it would have cost more than a fiver anyway? Unless it was a can of lilt and a bag of wotsits Hmm

NomNomNomNom · 22/06/2019 14:44

I'd happily pay double that not to have the hassle. If someone wants to risk their home and sanity I don't mind contributing financially.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 22/06/2019 15:05

Mine have all been to after prom parties but rather than being asked for contributions they all took their own drink. Only one was contributions and the parents owned a restaurant which they closed early for the after prom party and also ooked food for all of them.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 22/06/2019 15:05

Cooked not sure where the c disappeared to.

Oblomov19 · 22/06/2019 15:09

WTF?
You are quibbling over a fiver? ShockShock
Seriously. God give me strength at peoples pettiness and being so tight!

HomeMadeMadness · 22/06/2019 15:27

It's not like she's just hosting a party for her own DC's friends it's the entire year. Much easier to charge a small amount to cover the costs of food, drink and cleaning than worry that people won't bring stuff and be out of pocket. Even if people paid £30 a head you couldn't convince me to host that party!

PepsiLola · 22/06/2019 15:30

Will help host with the post party cleaning bill. I'd pay

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 22/06/2019 15:32

I don't really see it as being much different to bring a bottle, apart from having more control over what nibbles/alcohol is consumed.
Probably better/cheaper rather than kids having access to spirits.
I don't mind bring a bottle/pot luck/bring a course/dib in for a takeaway so poor etiquette or not, a fiver to the host would be fine as I probably would have spent that on chocs or flowers for the host.

Original poster
Tuesday66 · 22/06/2019 19:42

No I’m not quibbling over a £5. I’m Hmm about charging for a party. She’s not a venue & I think it’s rude.

One thing to ask for people to be nibbles - seriously do 15/16 need nibbles or alcohol - &/or appropriate drinks, but to actually charge money to step over the threshold? No thanks.

OP posts:
FatFailureMum · 22/06/2019 20:17

Well then don’t go then OP. I think you’re being a bit dense. It’s not rude to charge a token amount for hosting a prom after party. It’s totally different that a personal party where you choose your guest and are hosting them because you have something to o celebrate with them (or just want a party!). There will be children there the host might not know well or like very much. They are trying to provide a safe venue for the year group to continue to celebrate after the official prom venue has closed to them. What’s so difficult to understand??? ITs a token amount towards food drink etc. Can you imagine the mess hyper 15/16yr olds could make and also being responsible for them?? Pay your fiver and be thankful or don’t sent your child. Your choice.

GeorgeTheFirst · 22/06/2019 20:22

I agree with everyone else. After proms are a total nightmare. Of course you should pay. And thank them profusely

DugHug · 22/06/2019 20:25

I’d happily pay a fiver to cover the cost of drinks and nibbles. But no way would I want my 16yo having alcoholic drinks!

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 22/06/2019 20:26

Oh wow no way would I do this for £5 a head! If someone else wants to then brilliant!

Snappedandfarted2019 · 22/06/2019 20:29

Yabu and bit precious

RockinHippy · 22/06/2019 20:41

To add...

It's very naive to think that 16 yr olds won't be gathering together & drinking after their prom, it's exactly what they are chattering about if you bother to listen. Some won't be interested of course & fair play to them. DD has friends who are happy to go along to these gatherings & not drink, but most of them do. They know where to buy alcohol from & many of them look older than 18 & don't get asked for ID. They also won't buy alcohol sensibly when left to their own devices. Providing alcohol means it's free to them, so they're not scraping around to collect money for a bottle of cheap vodka & you get to control the strength of & how much they drink. The parents know & agree, because we recognise that they're going to do it anyway, so it's best to communicate with them & guide them into doing it in a safer way.

BlueSkiesLies · 22/06/2019 21:12

*my child is autistic & suffers from social anxiety. I would love to be badged to host a party

Does your child even want to go to prom and an after party with 50 other people here?

Youre are displaying an disproportionate amount of hate towards these parents - and given your update, to me seems like really you’re just seeing your child’s school life come to an end and it’s throwing lots of worries for their future up, and reminding you how much they have already struggled and probably will struggle in future. Like you say, you’d love to be hosting parties, but you’re not.

ollo · 22/06/2019 21:57

I'd give them the fiver, ask if it's enough and thank them profusely for the effort of hosting rowdy drunk teenagers!

Looking4wards · 22/06/2019 22:05

YABVVVU.

I’d be quite happy to host (40-50) btw & wouldn’t dream of charging an entrance fee etc.
Go on then, host a free party for a bunch of teens and we'll believe you.

HolesinTheSoles · 22/06/2019 22:12

I don't really get the issue other than you kind of think it's not the done thing. It seems sensible for the parents to provide nibbles and drinks (if people are coming straight from prom presumably they're not going to bring stuff anyway) and then get reimbursed from the kids who are going.

I think it's super kind of them to be inclusive and host for everyone - it would be easy just to host their own DC's little group.

rosemarysalted · 23/06/2019 06:49

Oh @Tuesday66 , it's a good job we are all not a bloody misery like you isn't it then.
Find some joy in your heart, some appreciation and understanding of the differences in people.
And stop criticizing someone's kind and fantastic party idea.

rosemarysalted · 23/06/2019 06:51

And I presume you've decided your daughter isn't going to the after party?

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