Party Etiquette, host or charge?

[Tuesday66]

My child had their prom last week. It’s quite a small school (private) & one of the parents kindly offered to host an after-prom party, via email.

How lovely I thought, then further along mentioned a cost of £10 per head. This was to cover drinks & food.
The prom venue was already providing a buffet, so it was changed to nibbles & drinks (apparently alcoholic ones at that - this is for year 11) and reduced the cost to £5.

Surely if you’re hosting, you do just that or ask parents to provide drinks they’re happy for their child drink?

Stop being a tight wad, hand over the $5 and say thanks to the parents. Having 5 kids at my house for a kids party is too much for me, i would happily pay someone else more than that to take on the job.

Blueskieslies, my child is autistic & suffers from social anxiety. I would love to be badged to host a party.

I’d be happy to give the parents £10-£20, for nibbles, drinks, everything else plus the knowledge of where my child was and safe. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Givemesteel a favour to the school? The parents? How so?

The prom is at venue already, paid for by the parents.

Givemesteel, pay their cleaner? What cleaner?

I think it’s a dick move to charge for this. I’d probably just pay it though, and silently judge

Honestly OP the correct response to this situation is gratitude!

Thanks for posting replies.

inviting people to a party should be free

if there's a charge, you tell them that upfront.

So, you've never actually hosted a party then op?

and why should anyone be "grateful"? What is the problem if there's no prom after party? Is this another level of crazy that I missed?

Who is providing the nibbles and drinks?
£5 is VERY reasonable if it's covering those costs, and probably cheaper (and safer!) than taking their own alcohol on the whole.

It’s the “further along, mentioned a charge of ££” that’s a little in this scenario I think. If they’d mentioned it from the start, you might think “fair enough” or perhaps “nah, don’t think we’ll bother, the actual prom is enough celebration for us.”

This was last week then, OP. So you went ahead and paid did you?

I think asking for £5 a head seems very reasonable. They are providing their home they don't need to provide all the drinks and nibbles too.

RosaWaiting - the host DID tell people up front by the looks of it.

OP - there's a choice. It's not compulsory. Tell your child not to go and then you don't have to spend the fiver.

I'd much rather this way than kids all turning up with goodness knows what drinks, especially where alcohol is involved with teens.

Christ. Some people really do want the moon on a stick at someone else's expense don't they?
Of course you should be grateful. Someone is going to an enormous effort to your child to have fun.
I hope someone responds with 'are you sure £5 is enough? It doesn't seem enough to go anywhere close to covering costs. I'm happy to pay more.'

YABU £5 is nothing for the use of their home, nibbles, drinks, set up and cleaning up afterwards, plus taking responsibility for a large group of excited 15/16 year olds! £10 would also have been very reasonable!

Pay it with good grace and thank the hosts!

Aragog I took "further along" to mean in a second email, I guess I misunderstood.

It seems reasonable and reduces/keeps a lid on alcohol consumption which will be brought in if not provided.
Mine all went to hosted after proms with no cost but usually restricted to friendship groups. After sixth form speech day they all just went clubbing and to a casino.
I’d rather pull my eyes out than host an after party.

YABVU & ungrateful to boot

Snap their hands off for the invite & be grateful someone stepped up to offer. Having hosted teen gatherings here, £5 or £10 charger or not, I would snap someone's hand off for offering.

No I didn't charge, but didn't provide much nibbles etc anyway as DD wanted them to bring their own, but given the clean up & the repair of a blocked loo (add alcohol & teens = giant toddlers) I'd totally understand & be very grateful to someone else doing this

I also took “further along” to mean in another email. Like, after people had said yes please.

A little bit different but when my DD left primary school one of the parents put a message to all the parents saying that she was going to do a party at her house after school on the last day. She was asking for £10 from each child towards a bouncy castle and food.

I very happily gave the £10 - rather her house than mine! 50/60 hyperactive and emotional 11 year olds (many were crying like they would never see each other again) running around her house - she must be a bloody saint!

Presumably if you’re paying for your kid to go to an independent school, you can manage £5 to another parent who is lending out their house for your child’s benefit, then cleaning up the inevitable carnage afterwards?

You are being cheap and unreasonable

Tuesday if the favour is not apparent to you the it's probably a good idea to just save your fiver and not go. You're not forced to, as you say yourself you've paid for the prom ticket already, so just call it a night when it ends.

I'm assuming they have a cleaner as it's a private school so they can probably afford one but if they don't it's even worse as they'll have to do the clean up after in their own time.

Seems fair. We hosted the pre drinks for one prom and stood the cost of canapés/fizz but that was just 6 girls, all of whom we knew well and their dates. An after party with potentially in excess of 50-100 guests is a very different matter. A fiver to not have to the work of hosting and cleaning up after that is money well spent IMO.