Party Etiquette, host or charge?

[Tuesday66]

My child had their prom last week. It’s quite a small school (private) & one of the parents kindly offered to host an after-prom party, via email.

How lovely I thought, then further along mentioned a cost of £10 per head. This was to cover drinks & food.
The prom venue was already providing a buffet, so it was changed to nibbles & drinks (apparently alcoholic ones at that - this is for year 11) and reduced the cost to £5.

Surely if you’re hosting, you do just that or ask parents to provide drinks they’re happy for their child drink?

That’s a brilliant idea. Its not an entrance fee either it’s to cover nibbles and drinks. I can’t see any money being made and hosting this could be a nightmare. 40 - 50 excited, hyped up Y11’s. Pay the fiver and be grateful.

Like a pp the majority of teens this age will be drinking at an after party so a nice civilised, supervised event sounds fantastic
The norm around here is a party in the woods. Not the day of prom but to mark the end of Y11.

It’s not an ‘entrance fee’ though - surely it’s to cover expenses like food, drink, decorations, cleaning etc?!

A fiver. Can’t believe you’re even giving it a second thought let alone starting a thread on MN about it.

Ours charged. Much bigger group, over 200 in the year. Both times (we have 2 kids) it's been someone out of town with a big place. Costs included private bus there and back, one alcoholic drink, nibbles etc.
I was amazed that there were people prepared to host that many hyper teenagers!
Why not charge? It'd not like it's their own child's birthday or other personal celebration.

I think you should be extremely grateful that someone is offering to host the after party.

Charging £5 means they can provide drinks and therefore avoid kids bringing their own alcohol. There will be alcohol but it's more controlled.

It also means they can cover some of the associated cleaning costs, logs for a bonfire or whatever.

Attendance is not compulsory so if your child would rather miss out, they don't need to go.

FWIW my own child attended last week and didn't enjoy the massive party atmosphere. I had to collect them early. Still a learning experience and I'm grateful to the hosting family

You’re so lucky someone (very naive!) even put their hand up to host.

I’d be offering £15, and a bunch of flowers.

I assume you've never hosted a party op? It's bloody hard work. And a potential nightmare with 50 excited teenagers, many of whom they won't even know. These parents are giving up two days of their own time (setting up, buying in food etc on day one, the evening to supervise and the following day to clean up) and you're begrudging a fiver?! If the kids went out on the town after prom they'd spend more than that on one cocktail!

Saying you’re happy to host and actually hosting are two different things...!

If it were a tenner you would have a decent argument but I really don’t see how £5 to cover a party for hordes of teenagers is a big ask.

Yes, guess further along was probably a second email - but still sounds early in in the proceedings. And it was, after all, a small amount.

Wouldn't it be normal for teens if this age to contribute to a friend holding the 'after Larry' even if it's just a bottle of something and some bags of crisps? Would have been here.

I would always expect to contribute / self cater at an after party.
I didn’t ever go to one till I was 18 but we’d always bring our own drinks and food to share.
For under 18s getting the cash seems more sensible (less cheap vodka!).

I'd be happy to pay £5. It's not a birthday party and I think the mum is doing the other parents a favour.

I think maybe OP is a bit black and white and is thinking all hosting is equal. Yes if you invite friends round for dinner it would be bizarre to charge them for food.

However this is a completely different scenario. The host probably knows there will be in an after party almost certainly involving alcohol and thought it would be better and safer that it happens in a supervised setting (instead of in a local wood or some empty house somewhere). As a kind gesture they've decided to have the kids at theirs but don't want to be massively out of pocket so a charging a small fee. This isn't really their party they're hosting - they've invited the entire year, many of which won't really be their own DC's friends.

It makes much more sense for the parents to provide food and drinks than rely on guests to bring it as 1) who is going to turn up to the prom with a load of crisps and dip in their bag? and 2) much better to have a small amount of alcohol provided than have kids bringing bottles of cheep vodka along.

One thing to ask for people to be nibbles - seriously do 15/16 need nibbles or alcohol - &/or appropriate drinks, but to actually charge money to step over the threshold? No thanks.

Simple solution - tell your child not to go and then you don't have to pay.

Do 15/16 year olds NEED nibbles and drinks? Well no. Nobody NEEDS them regardless of age.

Do some want them? Yes, that's not wrong. And re alcohol - we are talking about predominately 16yos, not 6 yos. For a special event, not a regularly occurrence.

And the 'charge' is not to step over the threshold to their home. Its to help fund the nibbles and drinks that presumably several of the kids want to have. You might have a spare £250-300 but maybe not everyone has, even those who have children at private school

It really isn't the same as hosting a birthday party or dinner party at your own house. It's a group of teens who want a large get together and need a venue. A parent offered their home but, quite understandably, would prefer not to foot the bill for them all to be fed and watered. Nibbles is a vey good idea if there is alcohol involved.

Regardless, its not compulsory. Say no thanks, don't pay and pick your child up after prom and go home. Simple solution.

Don't begrudge those kids who do want to go and those parents who are happy to spend a fiver the chance to have their after party.

The options are that either everyone brings some nibbles to share and their own drinks or everyone pays £5. I can see why it feels a bit off paying to go somebody's home, but it is easier for someone to buy for everyone and then others just paying a set amount.

Sounds like a good idea! It means the teens don't have to bring their own snacks and drinks which would be hard if they are coming straight from prom.

The other thing about charging £5 per head, is the shared responsibility that comes with it. Great idea!

you do just that or ask parents to provide drinks they’re happy for their child drink?

I think at this age, parents are more hands off with their kids and most parents could do without the hassle of dropping around drinks and snacks.

I think maybe as your child has additional needs, your feelings may be slightly different from those of other parents. And I mean that with kindness.

I can't imagine being this involved in my teens after party to be honest. They sorted out for themselves where they were going after and clubbed together for drinks and food. My only involvement was to buy the outfit and take some pictures before of them and their friends before leaving them to it.
It is £5 probably cheaper than what mine spent on beer and takeaway after the dance.

Wow what value. WOuld gladly pay.