To feel shocked at my high needs baby

[Jadefeather7]

I have a seven week old baby who seems to fit the description of a “high needs” baby. Initially I thought he may have colic or silent reflux because he screams so much but I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not those because he seems to get triggered by things like laying him down in his Moses basket/swing/car seat/changing mat or holding him while sitting (rather than standing and walking). Sometimes I’ll put him in the bouncer and he will be ok for 5 minutes then start screaming. Occasionally he’s totally calm when having his nappy changed other times it’s like I’m torturing him by doing it. These things make him totally hysterical. He basically seems to be very impatient and angry and he spends more awake time screaming than calm. There’s no build up in crying. I just took him out in the car and he went crazy as soon as I put him in his car seat and screamed non stop for 20 mins until we got home and I picked him up. At the moment DH has been around to help out but soon he will be back at work and I feel like I will go insane. I need to be able to put him down to change his nappy, make his bottle, go to the loo, grab food, take him to appointments etc. I put him in the sling for two to three hours in the afternoon and get a bit of time then while he’s napping. Apart from that it’s relentless.

I’ve tried cranial osteopathy but it hasn’t helped.

I read all this stuff about how crying is detrimental to baby’s brain and I feel massive guilt for ever putting him down. If he simply cried I might be able to take it but he doesn’t cry he screams hysterically. I feel like he must have suffered so much damage already from all this screaming. I feel totally lost.

Do your silent reflux babies start screaming the second they are put down or does it take a while??

It varied for us OP. Sometimes it was instant, sometimes it was after a little bit of time, and sometimes she was fine! I guess there were unknown variables (as in I didn't observe them) such as how much dairy I'd eaten, how recently she'd pooed or fed or whatever. She was like it from week 1 but I thought she was just windy. She'd feed for maybe a minute then arch and writhe, then we'd try again. She also had tongue tie so I just assumed she was taking in too much air.

It did escalate though, peaking at about 7-8 weeks old, to the point where the moment I tipped her slightly to feed she screamed. I realised eventually that the constant acid has burned her throat and damaged it. I think I read it can 7-10 days for the oesophagus (sorry spelling) to heal, it took a few days of being on omeprazole (ranitidine didn't work and gaviscon did precisely fuck all except make her constipated) and removed dairy it all stopped. Like having a different baby.

With DS is seemed to depend if he had a full stomach or not. The trick seemed to be to feed him little and often, not let him get hungry then fill up. He used to vomit when he got hot and stressed as well.

Op it varied for us as well. Sometimes when laid down there was screaming instantly, other times it was after a while. Depending on when they fed. Also acid production peaks about an hour later I think.

I would put my money on silent reflux. Infant Gaviscon doesn't generally work for silent so ask for a trial of ranitidine. Give it a couple of weeks and see how things are. No point you both being miserable and more importantly it will be damaging his oesophagus if it is indeed silent reflux.

My eldest is high needs. Itbwasnt until i had another i realised just how horrendous it was. To be fair she has cmpa but by the time we figured it out it she was in the feeding, crying, pain cycle and it made no difference. She got incrementally better each time she hit a milestone. All I can suggest is take any and all help you can get, but do whatever works for you, ignore any advice about making a rod for your own back etc. Also a sling was a godsend. Good luck, this too shall pass x