To feel shocked at my high needs baby

[Jadefeather7]

I have a seven week old baby who seems to fit the description of a “high needs” baby. Initially I thought he may have colic or silent reflux because he screams so much but I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not those because he seems to get triggered by things like laying him down in his Moses basket/swing/car seat/changing mat or holding him while sitting (rather than standing and walking). Sometimes I’ll put him in the bouncer and he will be ok for 5 minutes then start screaming. Occasionally he’s totally calm when having his nappy changed other times it’s like I’m torturing him by doing it. These things make him totally hysterical. He basically seems to be very impatient and angry and he spends more awake time screaming than calm. There’s no build up in crying. I just took him out in the car and he went crazy as soon as I put him in his car seat and screamed non stop for 20 mins until we got home and I picked him up. At the moment DH has been around to help out but soon he will be back at work and I feel like I will go insane. I need to be able to put him down to change his nappy, make his bottle, go to the loo, grab food, take him to appointments etc. I put him in the sling for two to three hours in the afternoon and get a bit of time then while he’s napping. Apart from that it’s relentless.

I’ve tried cranial osteopathy but it hasn’t helped.

I read all this stuff about how crying is detrimental to baby’s brain and I feel massive guilt for ever putting him down. If he simply cried I might be able to take it but he doesn’t cry he screams hysterically. I feel like he must have suffered so much damage already from all this screaming. I feel totally lost.

Mine was like this. Someone suggested I try infant Gaviscon. He slept for 4hours for the first time ever, after 9 weeks of screaming. Silent reflux. It's an easy diagnosis - if the Gaviscon works, that's what it is.

Ime a baby only cries that much if something is sore. Obviously babies cry but when they are that 'touchy' then I believe they are in pain. Both mine have silent reflux / cmpa and it took a while to find the right combination of medicine/ dosages and hypoallergenic formula.

You don't say how baby is fed?

Read a list of silent reflux symptoms here

www.thesleeplady.co.uk/silent-reflux-tips/

Colic calm gripe water works with silent reflux babies whereas infacol and standard gripe water makes it worse. If you go on the colic calm UK website then you'll be able to find a local stockist.

I also recommend probiotics - biogea do drops which are easy to administer or biocare do a range for babies too. Their nutrition helpline is fab as you can share symptoms and they'll advise best product.

It can take up to 6 weeks for dairy to leave their system although results are usually seen much quicker. Some say within a day or two! If breastfeeding you may need to cut out dairy and soya to see a difference.

I would really focus on eliminating cmpa / silent reflux as a cause but I suspect it's these that are causing the excessive crying. To eliminate them properly it may be best to ask for a trial of infant Gaviscon and nutramigen. Ranitidine and omeprazole work best for silent reflux though.

Echo all the other pps who are saying try and make it easy as possible for yourself - sling, co sleeping, white noise etc. Keep posting as well - don't let it drag you down although understandably it's really really exhausting and wearing. Try everything you can !

Oh and will he take a dummy?

My DS was utterly miserable for the first 10 months of his life. Then he learnt how to walk and he transformed into the loveliest toddler you could imagine. He is a preschooler now and just perfect. Never having another baby though.

I had one of those, OP. God, I felt exavtly the same. It's worse when people say that "He's only crying because something is wrong", and of course you eliminate this as much as possible, but mine was just that - a very, very high needs baby. He was only happy when being walked around - constantly. For hours and hours. If I was holding him and went to sit on the sofa - he's start screaming. If I tried to stand still - screaming. He would only nap for 30 minutes at a time. He wouldn't sleep through the night. He was just a very frustrated little baby, and the doctor sympathise but said that he was just very high needs and would grow out of it. He did - no damage to his little brain from constant screaming. Damage to mine though. You are doing a great, great job - hang in there, it DOES get better.

He wasn't good at being a baby basically. I've had two others since and they were 'easy babies who were a breeze compared to him! It was hell and I totally sympathise with you. You can and will get through it, and have a beautiful funny toddler who loves you to bits. Do whatever yo make it easier. Mum's of chilled babies will never know, and will always think it was their amazing parenting, as would I have if I'd just had my other babies

^^THIS. In spades.

All of mine have been like this, I’d say it’s pretty standard baby-behaviour so please try not to worry too much. Young Babies are very hard work. A lot of relationships end, a lot of people co-sleep who really weren’t planning too, etc. It’s the same with toddlers - some might not cry and tantrum but an awful lot do.
Try to accept your baby simply as your baby, no negative labels, and each day run through the practical check list and try: too hot/too cold/need winding/baby massage/bath/pour water over baby’s belly/movement (slings are fab so is dancing to lively music!)/white noise/skin to skin/more feeds.
It does get easier. Oh also, babies can teeth from very early too.

Please see your GP about reflux.
He sounds exactly like my LO. She was so screams, so unsettled, she didn’t cry but screamed and all that would calm her was walking up and the stairs for hours. Even then she’d sob.
Infacol and gripe water can make reflux worse; Boots gripe mixture is better but can still trigger the reflux.
If she’s not being sick, then Gaviscon for reflux might not do anything, but a dose of ranitidine for pain might...

Good luck, you’re doing so much better than you’re letting yourself believe!

Both my kids wanted to be held for the first 5 months. Including day sleeps and when they were awake. I couldn’t bare them crying so kept hold of them. I only just kept sane 🤪

Sounds like totally normal baby behaviour to me

I had one of these. He was a perfectly happy little boy as long as 90%of his body was attached to mummy at all times and he had constant access to milk. Our pram was pretty much unused until he was a lot older and we sold his cot after 700 unsuccessfull attempts to get him to settle in it.

Deep baths with me were the only thing that would stop screaming. I had my DH with us at first to help get us in and out but he loved swimming about. Sometimes we did it twice a day.

I carried a sling or carrier with me at all times. He was probably in it a good 8 hours most days.

We used a dummy. He didnt love it at first and made a very strange moaning noise with it for about 6 months but it meant I could get someone to hold him for 2 minutes while i got changed or whatever.

With my son I think it was a combo of slight reflux but mostly personality. He began speaking at 10m and has been a MILLION times easier since walking and talking for himself.
I hate to jinx it but he is 2 and a half and I literally have never seen an easier toddler. He has never tantrummed, rarely cries, likes to be close to me so doesnt often run away and his speech is pretty good so he can tell me why he is unhappy.

I see you 've tried cranial ostopathy but on mine I saw a peds opstiopath who did the full body. She was excellent and their ribs were out (traumatic birth...aren't they all) 3 sessions and I d dream babies.

He needs to be checked repeatedly for an ear infection OP.

If it's when you put him down that normally signifies an inner ear thing and most likely an infection.

If calpol works at all, then that also signifies pain somewhere.

For those whose babies had silent reflux did you ever feel like it was a temperament thing?

Sometimes I feel like it could be reflux. This morning he woke up red faced and screaming as he does most (not all) of the time. I held him close to me horizontally and that didn’t help. I held him upright and away from me and he was fine. So that doesn’t seem like crying for closeness to me for comfort but might suggest reflux.

On the other hand when he woke up at night for a feed I put him on the changing mat and stripped him down as he had a damp patch. He was perfectly fine until I put the wipe on him (I know it’s cold and babies don’t like it) but once he started screaming he just wouldn’t stop even once he was fully dressed until I lifted him upright and walked back to bed after which the screaming resumed (presumably because we were stationary again). In this case it seems more like a response to something babies don’t like but in his case it seems like he over reacts and can’t stop?

He used to take the dummy but has started to spit it out in the last week which makes things even more difficult

Yes - definitely felt like it was a temperament thing (and in the end it was both). It was also an overtired thing (because the reflux meant he was never ever well rested).

I know what you mean with the reacts and can’t stop. My little boy is still a bit like this - once he starts going he finds it hard to stop. He’s definitely a baby of extremes. Either extremely happy or extremely unhappy. The reflux just brought out the extremely unhappy for the first few months of his life.

@Tallgreenbottle Once he’s drowsy at night we put him in his cot and he sleeps for a few hours and in the morning when he won’t settle I sometimes put him in bed with me and he will sleep so I guess he’s actually ok with lying down sometimes. So confusing!

Try white noise on your phone. Worked a treat at helping to settle my neice who screamed/cried a lot! Also her eyesight was poor, once she had her baby glasses fitted she was a different calm little girl.

My first baby was like this.i reallyget you, you have all my sympathy.
She lived in a sling, and I had dark thoughts a lot and felt very very guilty.
I m not sure there’s anything you can do except get through it, k nowing that it will change.

It does change I promise.
I went to lots and lots of baby groups, because I couldn’t do anything else, and it was adult company.

My now 10 yr old was like this.
As above, feeding (bf) or sling was most of his life in the early months.
Also, he much preferred to be on his tummy, so if I got 30 seconds of him lying down, I might be able to stretch it to 35sec by putting him tummy down rather than on his back. He was much happier being put down once he was mobile (at 5 months.....)

If you are bf, it might be worth going low dairy for a couple of weeks - I basically cut all obvious dairy, but not the hidden stuff (so, no milk, icecream, cheese, cake, but didnt read the labels on sausages and dark chocolate), and that made a difference, so I stuck with it.

I couldn't quite believe it when DS2 arrived, and could be put somewhere, and slept for more than 40mins at a time.....

For those whose babies had silent reflux did you ever feel like it was a temperament thing?
Yes that makes sense, DS wouldn't 'self soothe', he needed close contact to settle. He had reflux and CMPA.
Now he's older he has a tendency to feel hard done by, even when its no justified. He's aware of that and working on it.

Are you FF or BF? Could be a reaction to dairy (either way!)
It does sound like silent reflux - just from my own experience.
Some ideas to try that worked for us
We raised the head of her moses basket just slightly
We put a water bottle in her bed before bed so the mattress was warm- to us they look small and cosy but to a small baby its just a wide expanse of cold not-mum!
I was BF so I stopped dairy for a few months. That seemed to help.
I bounced her to sleep on the exercise ball and then put her down.
Swaddling didn't work for us, but its worth a try
It won't last forever, but if all the suggestions aren't working (and just anyway!) Talk to Hv and if unhelpful GP.
Good luck. Our screamer lasted for about 3 months but the cuttng out dairy finally seemed to do the trick and I was back on at 5months.

Definitely ask the Health Visitor or GP, if he improves on something like gaviscon/ranitidine that’s fantastic.

But what you say about temperament could be equally true. My Son would get in such a state he would stop breathing and we would have to blow in his face.

I’m mixed feeding at the moment. I don’t have much dairy (except chocolate which I could try giving up). Could also try nutramigen. I don’t like the idea of switching formula because we did that early on and he got constipated bigots worth it if it really is a dairy allergy.

I do also have infant gaviscon which I could try. I’ve heard that can also cause constipation and it seems that people have had better results with ranitidine...

My nephew was like this. We all came to the conclusion he didn't like being a baby as mad as that sounds. He started walking just over a year old and it was like a light switch how he changed. He was checked for all sorts and no allergies or changes to diet or cutting out anything worked. We used to take it in turns to give my poor sil a break. I hope things start to improve for you soon.

OP, it probably actually is silent reflux if it's brought on by laying him down on his back. My eldest was exactly the same.