People with low self esteem

Rowennaravenclaw · 2019-06-21T00:01:26+00:00

Do you find people with low self esteem who always do themselves down annoying? Yanbu= yes Yabu = no

Original poster

Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 01:02

Oh that was meant to be a vote.
Never mind.
Share your views??

OP posts:

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 21/06/2019 01:07

No I don’t find them annoying as normally they have low self esteem due to past experiences it’s not a choice to feel crap about themselves!

Houseworkavoider · 21/06/2019 01:09

It really depends!
I’ve met some stereotypical ‘nerdy’ types and been absolutely enthralled by them -despite having to gently bring them out of themselves.

I don’t think having a low self esteem is necessarily indicative of a boring personality.

carla1983 · 21/06/2019 01:23

No, I feel sad for them as they have usually had it drummed into them by someone else (a parent or a partner) that they are not worth much.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 21/06/2019 01:27

It really depends.

The 'poor me, I'm such a victim, everyone is mean to me' types really annoy me. People who say things like 'oh you're so lucky because you can xyz' when they would be just as able to do the same thing, but they don't put any effort in. The people who think everyone else has it easy and that they're the only ones who suffer and that the universe has singled them out for unfair treatment (my entire family act like this and it drives me crazy.)

It annoys me especially when people talk constantly about their weight but never do anything to lose weight.

But just having low self esteem, of course not. But I think going on about it is actually a form of having a massive ego actually.

Sadiesnakes · 21/06/2019 01:29

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 21/06/2019 01:31

As an example: I recently did surfing lessons, and so many women at work (younger than me, with no kids (I have two), same or similar salary) told me how jealous they were, how I'm sooo much braver, how I'm sooo lucky. I asked why. They said because I could go surfing. Why can't they go? "Oh just, I don't know, I wouldn't feel like it was my thing and I would feel stupid and and and."

I just don't get that attitude. Don't go if you don't want, but don't make it sound like I've somehow lucked out because I sorted out something I wanted to do for myself.

BoomBoomsCousin · 21/06/2019 01:41

Self esteem issues can make friendship hard work sometimes, but if they're otherwise nice the self esteem tends not to be annoying. I think it's sometimes just a lens you see other less nice traits through (like the person who complains about their life a lot but doesn't do anything about it - it's the constant moaning that's annoying, not doing anything about their life is sad but no annoying per se).

I'm more annoyed by people who are people pleasers or avoid conflict. It's cowardly and makes it harder for other people to be nice.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 21/06/2019 02:10

Having low self esteem is no fun, but constantly moaning how useless or pathetic you are is bloody annoying, yes.

Hithere12 · 21/06/2019 02:19

It depends how often. If it was every conversation I’d find it a bit needy/annoying. We ALL have insecurities.

standingtall71 · 21/06/2019 08:04

I have low self esteem due to past experiences of physical child abuse, being bullied throughout my life, being told I am ugly and useless and then cheated on. It’s not a route I chose to take, it’s something that happened along the way.

I’m pretty sure I’m frustrating at times... cause the doubts about myself and within relationships (however BF recently did cheat so that did NOTHING to help my low SE) but it inevitably gets in the way at certain points ... Saying I’m annoying is like saying someone with a broken arm is annoying ... it’s not a choice to have that issue.....

ThatsUnusual · 21/06/2019 08:08

I'm more annoyed by people who are people pleasers or avoid conflict

I used to be like this. Then I had CBT and found a huge vat of confidence and esteem I didn't know I had.

I'm not a people pleaser at all now and say what I really think and mean, and oh my god I get on with people so much better!

Be yourself. Always be yourself.

BlueSkiesLies · 21/06/2019 08:33

The mist annoying people are self professed “people pleasers” who then fucking moan and moan and moan about doing things for people ‘because I’m such a people pleaser me’ ARGH if you genuinely were a people pleaser you would be happy and not a moany drip.

My friends husband is like this. He’s such a pain to have around.

Original poster

Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 09:38

The people pleaser thing is interesting. How do you know when a person is a people pleaser?

OP posts:

The80sweregreat · 21/06/2019 13:34

I think that i can fall into the whole ' people pleaser' trap at times - i like to think i am cool and confident, but really im not and i am sometimes scared to say no to people or tell them what i really think about something - i tend to just go with the flow and not say too much so as not to upset anyone. i admire the ' i call a spade a spade' people, but i've also found that they tend to be the ones that are most upset if someone does it to them!

I have suffered with low self esteem, but , with age, its a little bit better than it has been in the past. I also tend to compare and i know that others can do jobs that i couldnt do in a month of sundays. but maybe i do things that they wouldn't do.
some of it is confidence to i think - or some people are just better at faking it all and also have crippling self esteem issues, but you would just never guess it.

Ringdonna · 21/06/2019 13:49

Yes hate snowflakey, weak people.

whothedaddy · 21/06/2019 13:52

I feel anyone that moans frequently about the same problem, that is completely within their control to fix, really bloody annoying, especially if they ask for advise and never take it.

However, I would always support someone and try to encourage, motivate to do things that make them happy and improve their mindset. Self love is important.

BogstandardBelle · 21/06/2019 14:14

I can find their behaviour annoying, without necessarily finding the person themselves annoying IYSWIM.

I have a relative who has crippingly low self-esteem. It manifests itself in anxiety (she's not a relaxing person to spend time with - constantly tidying, never does small chat, always worrying about boring other people or putting them out in some way), doom and gloom (she's always expecting the worst) and always putting herself last (overly polite, "no no, it's fine, it doesn't matter, you go ahead").

She's been on ADs and anxiety meds for year, has had counselling for years, but nothing seems to break through this utter conviction that she is boring, annoying, unattractive, stupid and generally at the bottom of every pecking order. She's been bullied in every job she's had - I think her cringing manner brings out the worse in some people. Even I find it hard not to get impatient and a bit brusque with her!

But she is such a lovely person, considerate and kind and funny when she can just relax for five minutes.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 21/06/2019 14:18

"especially if they ask for advise and never take it."

Oh God this.

Or if they ask for advice and then get offended when you give it to them.

Sorry but if you ask me if I think your husband's being a dick, don't be surprised when I agree that he is.

LimeKiwi · 21/06/2019 14:19

YABU because I get you think it's annoying, but they can't help it, can they?
I do think just take the compliment, I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it, would I? (and have actually said this before to people)
It's not annoying as such. More sad than annoying that they feel that way.

zweifler1 · 21/06/2019 14:22

people pleasers are unbearable because it's self absorbed and controlling. they pretend to give freely but in reality it's an exchange but you don't know what they want from you. then they bitch and moan and throw everything back in your face.

Siameasy · 21/06/2019 14:26

I think it is at the root of a lot of annoying behaviour yes and sometimes destructive behaviour too
Over thinkers and people pleasers annoy me and they tend to also be perfectionists.
Presumably low self esteem is linked to certain criminal behaviour but not all. Substance abuse over eating etc too
We have a people pleaser at work and it comes across as insincere. I think unfortunately low self esteem is cat nip to bullies.

zweifler1 · 21/06/2019 14:28

Sorry there was no punctuation there.

article about why people pleasing is selfish

selfish

lovemeorleaveme · 21/06/2019 15:00

People probably find me annoying then as I'm a people pleaser.....I hate it but I'm afraid of having noone if I don't stop. If I don't try really hard with some people close to me, I get the silent treatment. I think they like me for what I do for them and not for who I am. Although I like to be kind and help people. I don't think I have much of a personality apart from being nice, kind and helpful so yes, you would all probably find me irritating

Shodan · 21/06/2019 15:20

No, I don't find them annoying. I'd far rather give them a willing ear and my time than some of the bumptious posters on this thread.

Low self-esteem is not something you can help you know. No-one with low self-esteem wakes up one morning and thinks "Oh I know what would make my life complete! I'll doubt everything I do, worry about how I come across to others, not feel able to chase my dreams, and make poor life decisions. Perfect!" Low self-esteem is built, brick by brick, by arrogant, selfish, bitchy parents/friends/partners. It is encouraged and exploited by users across the board.

I'd suggest that if a people-pleaser is bitching and moaning about what they've done for someone it's because they are hurt and upset that despite doing everything, they're still taken for granted and then laughed at by those who erroneously consider themselves superior.