To be shocked how much "ordinary" people spend on grooming?

[Daygals]

Let's start by explaining that by ordinary, I mean people on average incomes living not unusual lives. What is normal might also be regional, I live in a world of fake tans and long fake lashes.

I am shockingly low maintenance but I thought I might make a bit of an effort for a special occasion and have my brows tidied and nails done, so I looked up some salons and price lists and this is where my shock comes from.

I had no idea these things are so expensive. The list I'm looking at is a fairly basis salon, nothing upmarket and includes things lots of people I know would consider "need" doing on a regular basis.

The prices are probably fair from the point of view of the therapist's time but I can't imagine spending this on myself on a regualar basis.

Eye lashes £40
HD Brows £20
Gel Nails £30
Pedicure £20
Hair cut £40
Hair colour £80

That's before waxing and and more luxury treatments like facials or anti-aging stuff.

I don't know how often it all needs doing (monthly?) but I know lots of people who are always "done" like this I can't fathom how it's even possible/

pop what gives me the right? Freedom of speech.
Why have I clicked on a grooming thread, because its in AIBU and I agreed immediately with the sentiment in the title.

I hope that answers your questions.

Its not like I;m trolling S&B....though its a thought.

lying I'm not trying to change your mind...or make you think. Not even sure the latter is possible - but if it is, it'll take a better person than me.

How can it not be my business when other people's choices impact both me and my children?

There are all sorts of things people do in the privacy of their own home with their own money that genuinely don't affect me. That's fine. But funding cosmetics adverts isn't one of them.

I am not responsible for your insecurities or the insecurities of your daughters, sorry not sorry. It's up to YOU as parents to teach them how to be at peace with her body. And leave me to do as I please with mine.

lying I'm not trying to change your mind...or make you think. Not even sure the latter is possible - but if it is, it'll take a better person than me.

Wow, that’s rude. And a sign of someone who has lost the argument.

I’d say I spend about £150/yr on hair, makeup, beauty treatments, skincare. Saves me a fortune! Many people I know on a yearly basis must spend £1000’s. I’ll keep the money!

£5 every 5 weeks or so for eyebrow threading. Shave everywhere else myself. £20 per haircut (infrequent).

I have rosacea, so I do splurge on a particular moisturiser that isn’t cheap (£24 for 100ml) but I do try to buy one get one half price and make them last.
I use foundation, a bit of powder and mascara. All fairly cheap from Boots. Again, I try to make things last.

If I didn’t have the rosacea I’d probably use a Simple Moisturiser and a quick flick of Mascara most days...

I generally use Simple facewash and the cheapest, biggest bottle of sensitive shower gel I can find (e.g. the big bottles of Carex/Sanex often on offer)

Occasionally paint my own nails.
I’ve got 2 eyeshadow palettes for special occasions.

Maybe once a year treat myself to a bottle of Soap & Glory shower gel... Lol...

I’d say I’m fairly low maintenance by today’s standards?

I don’t really buy clothes either. Maybe a few items a year if I need something. I wear the same work clothes until they wear out.. although admittedly I don’t feel very stylish at work, especially for my age.

No tanning, no nail bars, no eyelash work or anything else... I’m in my late twenties...

Some people my age and a lot of people I know who are in the generation after mine find not going to get a tan weird...

@M3lon and you can't see that your extreme views are slightly ridiculous? You've entered a grooming thread with such opinionated posts and will not consider what anyone else is saying. You're presenting as 'I'm right, you're wrong. End of.'
Someone buying a beauty product or paying out for a treatment does not directly effect you or your children.

If it causes you or your children to feel insecure then that's for you to work on. No one is responsible for another's self-worth unless they allow them to be.
What will happen as your children get older and want to experiment with make-up or by dyeing their hair? Will you tell them they can't?

Indeed, M3lon. There are posters who do make me think and ponder. As you've correctly surmised, you're not in that number. Your hectoring tone grates and obviously not just with me.

Carry on patting yourself on the back and halting any possible debate. It's you that tries and fails to dictate to other women what they must do.

This thread will go the way of all others, ie. drop off the page, and you won't have made a whit of difference apart from ensuring that I don't post to you again. With that in mind, kindly don't name-change; I never do. Thanks ever so. :)

There are scientific studies showing the drop in mood and self-confidence that people experience as the result of being exposed to 5 mins of advertising....let alone the non-stop barrage that is the daily life of a teenager.

Why do you think that isn't important?

Why should 33% of parents (number as of a few years ago, its probably even worse by now) be battling to support their children's self-esteem just because you want to use make-up as a hobby?

My views aren't as extreme as those of suicidal teenagers who can't face social interaction due to their distorted beliefs about their own bodies.

lying are those the posters that agree with you by any chance?

If you self-declare the impossibility of argument changing your mind, you might realise that people are going to decide you are a bit..well...non-evidence based shall we say...

I'm sure I recognise your user name too...I wonder if its from a reikki thread.

Parent your children. Don't make ME responsible for them.

@M3lon sources? And is that any advertising? Or just beauty/cosmetic related?

The same could be said about anything, but we don't tell people to decline a promotion in case their colleagues start feeling inadequate, or scrap first place in a contest so that the runner ups confidence doesn't get bashed.

Developing the skills to be responsible for your self-worth is crucial. Learning that no one can make you feel like crap unless you allow them too. Learning to love yourself.

My mentality is I partake in personal grooming because I want to. The minute I stop wanting to is the minute I stop partaking.
But, right now, I enjoy taking that time out for myself and how it feels. I do it for myself (which is why it doesn't feel like a chore.)
Someone telling me I shouldn't do it, is someone trying to prevent me from doing what I want to do. Which would be wrong.

So much emptiness on this thread. I'm usually very "each to their own", but I don't move in circles where women spend such time and money on fakeness and it's baffling.

Firstly there's the impact it has on young people, mental health and the pressure to look good (when really you don't, you just look fake. Skin isn't meant to be orange, nails aren't meant to be red and eyebrows aren't meant to be black and pointy).

Then there's the time. Do people seriously enjoy sitting in a chair at a salon for hours at a time? I can't think of anything more tedious. What is enjoyable about it? Do you not think you could be doing something more interesting?

I could never be with a man who found women that spent so much time and money on their appearance attractive. Thank fuck I have a DH who loves me for me.

Supermassive - I agree

Loves me for me

Plus I'd rather spend my money on other things like days out

I love going to the hairdressers. I’ve been to the same place for years - they are friends now. It’s so relaxing in a comfy chair with a good cup of coffee and nice biscuits. I love having someone wash my hair and massage my head. The shampoos and hair treatments smell gorgeous. It’s a great feeling to come out feeling special and looking your best. A good use of my free time. Would go every week if I had the time.

Goodness, this turned superior all of a sudden!
I've got a mind, I use it. How far can this worthiness be taken? Back to hemp clothing and rotten teeth?
Give women some credit and remember choice means choice. Not your opinion only

Why are we giving all this power-of-veto to men? Why do they get to decide what's attractive and then pass on that nonsense to women in general and, by some strange twist, posters like Supermassive who uses their own partner's preference as yet another stick to beat women with?

We are a huge group. If we wanted to, we could unite on this and anything else we chose to, to turn the tide from what men want and expect, to what women (any woman) choosing to do for herself, being the right thing.

But not, divisive is what we seem to enjoy and do best. Heckling women who differ from us because they groom themselves to varying degrees. Why is this even important that we do that, pull other women down? We really need have no fear of the patriarchy, not whilst we behave like this.

So much energy wasted when it could be better spent lobbying media advertising or anything else we felt needed scrutiny.

Paraphrasing Germaine Greer when she said, "Women have no idea how much men hate them" ... adding in "but it's on par with how much other women do.

Those posters berating women for grooming - when those posters are not berating or judging you - your 'brand' of feminism is something that I just can't and will never subscribe to.

As PP said upthread - parent your child. If your child is coming to you upset and confused then put them straight on bodily autonomy and give them the confidence to stand separate from 'borg-thinking'. Or don't. My daughter knows that my hair is quite grey and that I don't like it so I go to the hairdresser. She's ok with that. She also knows that other people have different hair and however it is, that's fine too. When she's older we'll talk about pubic hair and how she is beautiful just as she is whether she keeps it or removes it, only her opinion is valid.

TLDR: You do you and I'll do me.

Generally women want to attract men, or other women. It is getting to the point where younger men are only attracted to fake woman with false hair, eyelashes, tan, breasts. Do you not think that's an issue?

Even if you "parent your child" which is what most parents do anyway, as standard, they are constantly being bombarded with adverts, Instagram, filters, comments, friends, shops, salons etc, normalising this bullshit that woman have to look fake to be accepted. No amount of me as a parent could combat the absolute battering teenage girls get from all angles. Body hair is seen as disgusting. How is that OK? Why do legs have to be smooth? Vulvas? Why are you bothered if your hair is starting to go grey? Who cares? Why do you? I am horrified that people can't see issues with it.

Haha I love this thread I am terrible this is monthly. Used to have botox and fillers etc but left that out a bit for a while until xmas time.

I use:
St tropez express tan
Balmain Hair extensions
Eyesential serum
Eyelashes
Gel nail varnish (I do my own)
Perfume (whatever one of my collection runs low)
lipsy dresses and shoes each month only about £300 if this is also grooming as adds to the look I guess.
Hair colouring
Eyebrows.

If anyone not sure why I do it, then seeing is believing ;)

While nobody tries to deny that on a large enough scale, people only do things like wear make-up because society tells them they should. That's why people from different cultures and societies wear different things and style.

The clever thing about capitalism/marketing is that they manage to make most individuals really believe that they're doing it out of their own personal choice, rather than because they were influenced into doing so. They acknowledge that en masse, it's all marketing and social conditioning, but they believe that they are one of the few who would choose to wear make-up regardless, and that they aren't being tricked into spending money on pointless shit.

Supermassive, I agree that it's a problem. Getting women (and men) to think about this though cannot be achieved (in my opinion) by making them out to be stupid/hard of thinking or any other unlovely insult.

Most men that I know are not young so I can't speak for what they like but what's to stop the promotion of say, classic 'vintage' porn (if we have to have it at all) where pubic hair is normal and desirable? Can we do that without slamming women who do choose to remove their pubic hair as 'childlike', 'jailbait' and other offensive terms? I mean, if we used such derogatory language to any other 'group', we'd be banned from this site and rightly so. Women are 'sequestered' from existence quite enough without being derided by their own sex too.

My hair has been going grey (steadily) since about 24. I don't like it grey. With the advent of young girls dying their hair all shades of grey from choice, why is it an issue?

Why do we even talk about what hair we remove from our bodies? It's only an issue for me when others insult women for their hair removal (it's never the hair removers that insult).

FridaKahlo I don't disagree with you either, I responded to your post yesterday saying that advertising is insidious. What is the net value of acknowledging that a decision you make is because of advertising/or isn't? If you're going to purchase the product anyway...? This applies to make-up, cars, books, food, clothes, electricity suppliers... why is the emphasis always on beauty products and services? I would really like to know why that is.

If there's a lobbying group addressing media pressure then I'd like to know of it because I fervently believe that media in the UK needs regulating. We don't have 'news' in this country any more (in my opinion), just vapid opinion from pseudo-journalists and a public that salivates over z-lebs and 'the royals' whilst in other news, we're about to get possibly the worst new Prime Minister of our time.

Standing together would be a good thing if we could only do that.

Lying I totally agree with all your posts, particularly your last one.

And if we are talking about men’s preferences then my husband likes seeing me when I have my nails, hair makeup done. That’s the person who I was when we met (although I have more money now to spend on things like that), and even if he didn’t, that’s the way I like to look.

The judgment on this thread of women by women is terrible. I hope those posters teacher their daughters not to judge like they do.

Too many question marks in the wrong place.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe just popped on to say that I could not agree with you more.

I agree with everything you've said, Lying.

It's a really huge problem. I just can't see it getting any better though, particularly the way things are going with the media.

I only brought men's preference into it because it seems to be so much of a motivator for some. I couldn't give a crap what a man or anyone else things of my face/body/hair and I do try not to judge other people by theirs. However I do feel a bit sorry for those who must feel under immense pressure to look "good" to spend all that time and money on appearance.

I don’t feel under any pressure to look ‘good ‘ - I go to the hairdressers because I find it relaxing and I like what they do to my hair. DH and I have been together since Uni days (more than 25 years ago). He only wants me to be happy if going to the hairdressers makes me happy, he’s all for it.