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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked at having been ghosted?

119 replies

GraceSlicksRabbit · 19/06/2019 13:57

We just recruited someone. During his first week he had a really comprehensive induction and lots of care was taken to make sure he was welcomed with lunches etc as well as just work stuff. Everyone who met him said that he was really engaged. He’s early thirties-ish, married with kids.

Didn’t turn up for work on Monday and hasn’t responded to any calls or emails, we even tried his emergency contact. We were genuinely worried about him!
He was on standard probation so could have walked away with minimal notice if he had just told us he had changed his mind.

Is this what people do nowadays?

For context, this is a permanent mid-level job in a big corporate, not a minimum wage type thing that might normally have high turnover. He was university educated and came across as articulate and pretty normal. All his references checked out in that they confirmed he had worked for them during the dates he gave. Two jobs in similar organisations to ours lasting many years.

We’re all a bit stunned.

OP posts:
S1naidSucks · 19/06/2019 13:59

What did the emergency contact say?

Original poster
GraceSlicksRabbit · 19/06/2019 14:00

Didn’t answer.

OP posts:
floribunda18 · 19/06/2019 14:02

He probably just got another better job and was hedging his bets, checking your job out first.

It happened when I was working somewhere else, the person didn't come for induction first though, they accepted the job but just didn't turn up. The agency was just as much in the dark as we were but did manage to find out she had started a job elsehwhere.

I was amazed that it happens, it's so unprofessional. I've been in the fortunate position of having three different job offers at one point but I always made a decision asap and didn't leave anyone in the lurch.

AntiHop · 19/06/2019 14:03

I'd be very concerned about his welfare.

S1naidSucks · 19/06/2019 14:04

I’m stubborn sod and I’d constantly ring until the bugger answered.

codemonkey · 19/06/2019 14:04

So have you actually established that he's OK? How do you know he's not dead or injured? I'm not suggesting this is your company's sole responsibility but it seems that you don't actually know you've been ghosted... You still simply have a missing employee.

billybagpuss · 19/06/2019 14:06

Very unprofessional, We had someone once who was sick two days of her first week at work (was seen hanging around town during the lunch hour), then didn't show up on the Monday, we found out from her mum by the Wednesday that she'd gone on holiday to Spain and 'didn't realise' she was supposed to book her holidays in.

They didn't cancel her probation and ask her to leave which still astounds me to this day.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 19/06/2019 14:06

This isnt a rare occurrence anymore, unfortunately. I have this on a regular basis. High turnover of staff in my particular industry, but fgs, communicate. If you don't want the job, speak. Drives me insane

TurtleStar · 19/06/2019 14:08

I've seen happen a few times, even seen people go out for lunch and never return. It's become a running joke in my office.

cosmicdoughnut · 19/06/2019 14:09

I'm not surprised by this at all. Why would any worker be loyal to a company when so many companies are so unloyal and have such horrible policies. The corporate world is my vision of hell.

michaelbaubles · 19/06/2019 14:11

I would call the police, seriously! Given that it's not a kid who you might expect to be flighty. It's standard practice at my work now after a very sad incident.

codemonkey · 19/06/2019 14:12

You have his address, I assume. Has someone paid a visit? I don't think enough has been done, personally. You can't just decide he's changed his mind simply because he's not answered a call or email. There are other, far more worrying, explanations for his absence.

My husband died suddenly in the street. He worked from home for a small organisation. I phoned his boss the day he died but it's not beyond the realms of possibility that I was too distraught to do this.

I might have switched my husband's phone off. I certainly wouldn't/couldn't answer his emails. My number was listed as NOK but I might not have answered an unknown number in my distressed state.

I can easily imagine that this might well be the same situation as your employee's... Shit like this happens. I'm proof.

codemonkey · 19/06/2019 14:14

OP, please tell us what your company has done to establish his welfare. This is what happened to me. Had I not phoned my husband's boss (actually my dad did), they would be the ones posting on mumsnet that some fella never turned up one day.

HE MIGHT BE DEAD.

Cheeseandwin5 · 19/06/2019 14:16

I would wait on accusing him of any dodgy behaviour before you find out the whole facts. If your job and the person is how you initially described, it is probably wisest to make sure he is ok and has been wasting peoples time before throwing accusations

ForeignBodies · 19/06/2019 14:19

I’d say it’s more likely something has happened to him or something major has happened in his life. Of course it’s possible that he has ghosted the company....but at this stage I’d be worried about him.

codemonkey · 19/06/2019 14:20

I know I'm dramatic because of my own experiences, but it's too early to have a nice chunter on mumsnet about unreliable employees and hateful employers.

There's nothing in your post, OP, that says you KNOW FOR SURE that he's simply changed his mind. Just that you called, emailed and tried the emergency contact. This is not enough to determine why he's not at work.

I'm really hoping you missed a bit from your OP and that you'll come on and say 'oh yeah, someone spoke to him in the end'.

Original poster
GraceSlicksRabbit · 19/06/2019 14:22

codemonkey I am very sorry for your loss. I had a relative die suddenly in the street and another suffer a horrendous accident at work so am fully aware that these things sadly can happen. HR are dealing with this.

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 19/06/2019 14:22

Yes I agree that's very odd considering he could have quit with minimal notice. Yes you might have been annoyed but surely disappearing with no explanation will make you more annoyed and completely burn the bridges should he ever want to work with any of the same people again. I hope he actually is OK!

Original poster
GraceSlicksRabbit · 19/06/2019 14:22

To be clear, I did not call or email anyone, HR did.

OP posts:
codemonkey · 19/06/2019 14:26

So did HR just decide 'oh, he's obviously changed his mind' when they couldn't get hold of him? Did they contact the police?

I know he's not living alone, but, as an aside, not turning up to work is often the first indication that there is something SERIOUSLY wrong. It's incumbent on employers to establish someone's welfare. They might be the only ones who can raise the alarm.

codemonkey · 19/06/2019 14:27

Sorry. I missed your post above. So HR are trying to find out more? If so, then I get stop getting so excited Grin

codemonkey · 19/06/2019 14:29

Also, when I keep referring to 'you' I'm using that as short hand for 'your company'. I'm not suggesting this is all down to you.

SunshineCake · 19/06/2019 14:29

Does his name start with a J?

Pikapikachooo · 19/06/2019 14:30

Better offer or Major MH crisis
Onwards ?

MRex · 19/06/2019 14:30

We had a guy "disappear" but when we finally got through he'd been unconscious from a motorbike accident. My friend's colleague disappeared because he died of a crazy allergy. I wouldn't assume he's walked until I got hold of someone.