to be shocked at having been ghosted?

[GraceSlicksRabbit]

We just recruited someone. During his first week he had a really comprehensive induction and lots of care was taken to make sure he was welcomed with lunches etc as well as just work stuff. Everyone who met him said that he was really engaged. He’s early thirties-ish, married with kids.

Didn’t turn up for work on Monday and hasn’t responded to any calls or emails, we even tried his emergency contact. We were genuinely worried about him!
He was on standard probation so could have walked away with minimal notice if he had just told us he had changed his mind.

Is this what people do nowadays?

For context, this is a permanent mid-level job in a big corporate, not a minimum wage type thing that might normally have high turnover. He was university educated and came across as articulate and pretty normal. All his references checked out in that they confirmed he had worked for them during the dates he gave. Two jobs in similar organisations to ours lasting many years.

We’re all a bit stunned.

A collegue of mine vanished. he was found a week laster, been knocked off his bike on a country road and flipped over a hedge.

Single man, lived alone, No one missed him

I’m so sorry codemonkey. Similar happened to a friend, recently. 💐

We've had one noshow (accepted job didn't turn up on 1st day)
1st Ghost - 2 days working then gone (she texted eventually that the job was "not for her")
2nd Ghost - 18 months working then gone (repeated doctors notes for "stress" which then expired and still no contact - never heard from again, could not contact, active on social media still so not dead)

I hope your HR are being proactive in this rather than just accepting by Wednesday lunchtime that he’s done a disappearing act.

Is his emergency contact his wife or a parent? If they are also uncontactable that would suggest more that there’s been a major issue to me.

We've had similar whereas once all contact attempts were exhausted a manager went to their home address to do a welfare check (I work in an office.) The person had had a complete breakdown and felt unable to so much as to pick up the phone. It meant they got the help they needed. Please don't let it drop until contact is made.

I'd be very concerned about his welfare.

This was my thought too. I hope HR are talking to the Police if they can't get hold of him or his emergency contact.

My friend’s colleague didn’t turn up one day....they called, emailed then when no reply just put to down her ghosting then. Luckily her parents were a bit more on it and asked police for a welfare check as they lived abroad, police broke in and she was dead from a DVT. Luckily it had only been 48 hours so her three year old twins that she single parented we’re still alive.

Very sorry for your loss, codemonkey. When it happened with the person I recruited, we were phoning to check she was ok initially when she just didn't turn up to start the job. Because people do occasionally die suddenly or have accidents or crises, it is even more unreasonable that people don't communicate that they don't want the job or have got a better offer, or other reasons for flakiness/crapness, as it makes people worried unnecessarily as well as being unprofessional.

We had someone do this to us once - just didn't turn up for work - then, he rang three days later to say he'd returned home to Poland!

People do do shitty things and yes, people do just ditch jobs for better offers. I've had people just drop keys through the door instead of handing in their notice, or turn up, speak to me and walk out - never to be seen again!

I've also had people walk out mid-shift.

if he's married with kids, surely he can't be that hard to track down and make sure he's alive? that would be my immediate concern rather than being ghosted!

We also had this happen and he had also died suddenly. I would not assume ghosting here. We did a welfare check and sent a local colleague to his home, who peered through the window and saw him lying there.

DBiL worked with a gut who booked his leave for two weeks, went off as expected, never returned. Enquiries eventually revealed that he hadn't been "on leave" so much as "on trial" and was in prison for very serious offences. Nobody had a clue.

Does his name start with a J? 😂

OP does he have two eyes and a mouth? Omg I think I know him!

We had an otherwise reliable colleague do this after the Christmas break. Unfortunately, it turned out he'd had an accident at home and died pretty much straight away and one of my bosses had to identify the body as there was no next of kin.

On the other hand, people do abscond.

I did it once. Regretted it, but I was young and stupid.

Sounds very odd.

I am quite trusting of people though and am always astounded when they don't behave in the way I would expect.

OK. I was that employee.

I hated the first two weeks in the job. Told my manager that I thought she should go back to her shortlist because I didn't think it was the right post for me. We discussed some changes, but they just weren't enough.

I also have serious mental health problems and was becoming more unstable with each passing day. On what became my last day I was parked on the top level of a high multi-storey car park. I left work and spent half an hour looking at the ground considering whether to jump or not. A friend rang and he came and collected me and the car.

The next day I rang in sick. Every time I thought about the place I had intense anxiety and then panic attacks started. I couldn't even send an email let alone answer the phone or answer their emails.

I saw my GP and got covered for a month. No one asked me for any certificates. No letters arrived. They carried on paying me though! I finally wrote a resignation letter (while on lots of medication) and sent it recorded delivery.

Four months later I received my P45 - and they paid me for the whole time! I was astonished.

Even now I can't go near the place and seeing the logo makes me feel sick and anxious.

😐😐hope he’s alright

Our nanny ghosted us (she's definitely not dead before anyone worries). I was really shocked because it's so far removed from how I would behave to anyone, even if I had only the most minor relationship with them. It left me a bit rattled but on speaking to others there were quite a few stories of ghosting due to better offers, or changing plans. It's just something some people do and think is ok.

I hope the man in the OP is ok anyway.

We had similar circumstances, person in question didn’t work in our office but on site at customer location which was not local to us. Couldn’t get hold of him at all, his wife was his emergency contact who contacted us 2 weeks later so say he has passed away, and only just had the strength to deal with everything.

It’s difficult could be either way really hope you manage to get to the bottom of it all

I can also add that earlier this year I opened the door to two officers from the missing person's unit. My ex had not been to work for three months, they couldn't contact him and they didn't have his address. They reported him missing. Anyone who has read my threads about our break up will understand why I was very upset by this.
The ae was at home, quite happily doing his own thing. They way he lives he could easily be found dead after months and months - I am his only acquaintance in this country and he's not in touch with his family either.

I’d be really worried about him.

These stories are all very sad. I think that what makes it most likely that he is fine but ghosting is that he is a new starter rather than an established employee. I’ll update once we know one way or the other (obviously with no details if something awful has happened).

We've had a missing colleague, other colleague-friend went by his house to check on him and saw him hanging, cut him down and he was still alive thankfully. I dread to think what might have happened if he didn't go to his house or had waited.

I used to be a secretary, if someone is missing and not answering I call the police. No exception.