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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be shocked at having been ghosted?

119 replies

GraceSlicksRabbit · 19/06/2019 13:57

We just recruited someone. During his first week he had a really comprehensive induction and lots of care was taken to make sure he was welcomed with lunches etc as well as just work stuff. Everyone who met him said that he was really engaged. He’s early thirties-ish, married with kids.

Didn’t turn up for work on Monday and hasn’t responded to any calls or emails, we even tried his emergency contact. We were genuinely worried about him!
He was on standard probation so could have walked away with minimal notice if he had just told us he had changed his mind.

Is this what people do nowadays?

For context, this is a permanent mid-level job in a big corporate, not a minimum wage type thing that might normally have high turnover. He was university educated and came across as articulate and pretty normal. All his references checked out in that they confirmed he had worked for them during the dates he gave. Two jobs in similar organisations to ours lasting many years.

We’re all a bit stunned.

OP posts:
minisoksmakehardwork · 20/06/2019 08:47

That's even weirder then. I'd expect sister to be maybe number 2 on emergency contact list but spouse to be number 1. Unless there's disability or illness which means she would be unable to assist in an emergency.

I'm still going with an oversight for planned holiday. Depending on how many times his sister has been called either she's on holiday as well, doesn't recognise the number (although I assume a message would be left) or is otherwise not in a position to answer the call.

Buster72 · 20/06/2019 10:17

The police will not be your port if call. If he us still unreachable after a day or two then a member of your staff can knock upon his door

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMysery · 20/06/2019 12:15

Any update OP?

GraceSlicksRabbit · 20/06/2019 13:00

No, and I only work part time so not back in till Monday now.

OP posts:
knittedthrow · 21/06/2019 23:24

Why would his emergency contact be his sister if he's married? That's so odd.

KC225 · 22/06/2019 05:29

My guess is he applied for lots of jobs, started your one then got a better offer and just didn't want that awkward conversation. There are some awful sitauiations on here but as the OP stated, he was a new starter. If something bad had happened, with him being maried and his sister being his emergency contact number, you would have heard by now.

Back in the day, before ghosting was invented, I did runners from awful jobs.

Batfurger · 22/06/2019 21:15

@Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername

Why do you think it's against the law to give a bad reference. Spoiler: it's not.

This line is in the top 10 most bizarre things that mumsnetters believe.

likeafishneedsabike · 22/06/2019 23:22

Not a rare occurrence unfortunately. Most people are deeply unreliable. Hang on to the rare gems you can rely on in professional and personal life.

minisoksmakehardwork · 24/06/2019 11:42

Any news @GraceSlicksRabbit? I'm intrigued and have nothing better to do than assemble Lego!

GraceSlicksRabbit · 24/06/2019 12:32

HR have confirmed he is alive and well but are not giving any details of how they established this. No suggestion that anything bad happened to him, he just doesn’t want the job, other than that they are not giving out details, if indeed he did give any. Possibly my manager will have been told more for feedback purposes. So it was indeed ghosting. What a twat.

OP posts:
GreyGardens88 · 24/06/2019 12:43

This is the fault of companies behaving so badly after the last recession. Treating employees as disposables, not getting back to people after interviews etc. Now the boot is on the other foot

GraceSlicksRabbit · 24/06/2019 12:57

Except we offered him the job within 3 days of his interview, only had one round so hardly made him jump through hoops and went out of our way to make his induction personal and friendly. So not sure why we should suffer just because “companies” in general have behaved badly in the past?

OP posts:
minisoksmakehardwork · 24/06/2019 19:45

It's a shame that he has taken the job away from someone who did actually want it. But I'm glad there was a sensible, of unreasonable answer as to his whereabouts.

GraceSlicksRabbit · 24/06/2019 19:52

Fortunately our second choice candidate has accepted today 😀.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 24/06/2019 21:58

Boob

I apologise for my rude comment but FYI, his name did start with a J

SkydivingKittyCat · 24/06/2019 22:35

Anything could have happened really. Seems strange they'd keep it hush hush rather than just saying he'd changed his mind.

My mum worked somewhere for 22 years, went in one day and said she wasn't coming back after her shift. My dad had been diagnosed with pretty advanced terminal cancer out of the blue and had weeks to live.

GraceSlicksRabbit · 24/06/2019 22:49

They have said he changed his mind. What I mean is that I have not been given any details of what he said to HR when they got in touch with him or what, specifically, he said was wrong with the job vs what he thought it would be. He probably didn’t say much.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 24/06/2019 23:19

I once left a job with no notice but this is a whole new level!

makingmammaries · 25/06/2019 00:17

My colleague’s husband was found dead in his weekday pad after his company called the police to report him missing.

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