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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked at having been ghosted?

119 replies

GraceSlicksRabbit · 19/06/2019 13:57

We just recruited someone. During his first week he had a really comprehensive induction and lots of care was taken to make sure he was welcomed with lunches etc as well as just work stuff. Everyone who met him said that he was really engaged. He’s early thirties-ish, married with kids.

Didn’t turn up for work on Monday and hasn’t responded to any calls or emails, we even tried his emergency contact. We were genuinely worried about him!
He was on standard probation so could have walked away with minimal notice if he had just told us he had changed his mind.

Is this what people do nowadays?

For context, this is a permanent mid-level job in a big corporate, not a minimum wage type thing that might normally have high turnover. He was university educated and came across as articulate and pretty normal. All his references checked out in that they confirmed he had worked for them during the dates he gave. Two jobs in similar organisations to ours lasting many years.

We’re all a bit stunned.

OP posts:
daffodillament · 19/06/2019 17:05

I can’t believe that people think it’s mean or spiteful for scrumymum to have passed on a true statement of fact about a former employee.
Well it sounds like unnecessary interfering to me. Not really a nice thing to do is it ?

honeygirlz · 19/06/2019 17:06

I can’t believe that people think it’s mean or spiteful for scrumymum to have passed on a true statement of fact about a former employee.

Because after 6 months scrumy should have let bygones be bygones. It was spiteful to call her flakey after so long, because she wasn't asked for a reference, she just wanted revenge.

The girl may have a mental/nervous breakdown 6 months earlier for all Scrumy knows.

If you think what Scrumy did was right, I can see why this chap didn't want to work for you OP.

wifesupremacist · 19/06/2019 17:10

After four weeks unexplained absence (after working for us for 3 days) she sent in a sick note back dated to cover the four weeks and then another for the next two weeks) sickness noted as 'stress'.
No idea what's going on with her

stress probably

daffodillament · 19/06/2019 17:10

honeygirlz Exactly. Who knows what happened, but I was thinking could have been mental health related, therefore the interfering call from scrumy was uncalled for.

MLMsuperfan · 19/06/2019 17:11

He could have got the start date wrong.

Original poster
GraceSlicksRabbit · 19/06/2019 17:14

MLM he had started the previous week.

OP posts:
Scrumymum · 19/06/2019 17:14

We spent A LOT of time and money training her up for her to just disappear. We are a small and skint organisation. Both time and money are precious and she knows this. I have it on good authority from this other colleague that this is not the first time she has done this, so if I can help another small and skint organisation from suffering this woman's ghosting then I will do it. If she had replied to any of my gazillion messages with a "I'm sorry, I can't come back" then I would have left it but she just continued to ignore us, and I have no regrets in warning the other place. I'm not sure how trying to save the other place money is mean and spiteful, we are all publicly funded - it's your tax money I am trying to save!

honeygirlz · 19/06/2019 17:18

Exactly daffodil

We had a new guy start, FTSE 100 company, amazing perks, not stressful job. He went home at lunch one day and didn't come back.

We were concerned about him but I didn't think any less of him, God knows what was happening in his life. We only see the face people show to the world.

Original poster
GraceSlicksRabbit · 19/06/2019 17:19

If someone has a mental health problem they can still send an email to their employer at some point in 6 months saying “I resign”. And is it not in the interest of the new employer and the employee for the employer to be extra vigilant about potential mH issues so support can be given as early as possible should it happen again?

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 19/06/2019 17:23

But if his wife knows he is not OK codemonkey then that’s all that matters. We wouldn’t have any further involvement anyway

Well, unless you have any death in service policies/life cover etc. Where I work we have a mass of procedures to follow when an employee dies while employed, not to mention all the payments that need to be made, payroll informed, tax office, colleagues who need to know and comms be sensitively handled, activate the employee support programmes if deemed necessary, letter from the chairman to the family....etc!

honeygirlz · 19/06/2019 17:26

If you haven't sent the resignation email within a few days of not turning up then it becomes harder every single day to send that email, OP.

And is it not in the interest of the new employer and the employee for the employer to be extra vigilant about potential mH issues so support can be given as early as possible should it happen again?

Your new employer being told you're flakey is going to get you the job, so the employer can't be vigilant about MH anyway.

RingPiece · 19/06/2019 17:27

Worked in a small sales company years ago. Had three new starters - two women, one man -who had completed their two-week induction. We all went out to celebrate. One of the women and the man got exceptionally drunk and started snogging in the corner of the pub. He was a little wee thing, around 5ft 3, she must have been nearly 6ft. She lifted him up and carried him to their shared taxi at the end of the night. We never saw either of them again. We eventually found out that both were so embarrassed that they couldn't bring themselves to come back. They also never saw each other again. Don't know what happened in the taxi or afterwards....

managedmis · 19/06/2019 17:29

Par the course these days, surely

managedmis · 19/06/2019 17:29

That's brilliant, ring piece

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 19/06/2019 17:30

I would have done exactly the same scrumy and have done in the past. Would do it again. Yes its against the law to give a bad reference, but why should flaky people keep getting away with this shit. I'm out here working my backside off, only for a staff member to decide he can't be arsed to come in ?? How is that ok for them to do, but not for us employers to warn another small company? ?

cdtaylornats · 19/06/2019 17:32

I remember the look of horror when a guy in our office arrived, looked round and said "who's died".

The answer was our trainee - brain hemorrhage at her 21st birthday party.

Pinkmouse6 · 19/06/2019 17:34

I did this with one job years ago. I was a student at the time and it was the worst job I’d ever had, in a famous pastry chain. I worked there for ten months and I’d just had enough, I was so sick and tired of people talking to me like I was shit on their shoes. I had a particularly horrible, long shift one day then just decided not to go back the next day. I didn’t call them, I just didn’t turn up. I’d been so tempted to just leave out of the back door mid shift umpteen times before, it was the worst job I ever had. I blocked the manager and stores numbers and never contacted the company again.

I just reckon he didn’t want the job and didn’t have the courage to tell you as much.

EL2019 · 19/06/2019 17:35

I’ve seen it happen quite a few times. No tragic story. They just changed their minds.

One guy we’d sent a hire car for him to drive to office on his first day as his company car wasn’t ready. He didn’t show. Hire car company did us a favour and drove past his house and car was gone. We ended up calling the police!

Another (different company) didn’t show on his first day, didn’t call. We were waiting to do his induction.

Another did one day. At least he phoned the next day to day it wasn’t for him.

These were all jobs over £30k. The one with the car was much more than that.

codemonkey · 19/06/2019 17:38

But surely you need to know re. wages, death in service etc., OP? What's the payroll dept doing about his wages this month?

Original poster
GraceSlicksRabbit · 19/06/2019 17:40

I have no idea codemonkey, not my area. I meant that we would not be involved in attending to any immediate health matters or post-death arrangements in the period of time that it took his wife to recover from the shock or whatever.

OP posts:
Towelsareblue · 19/06/2019 17:45

If he'd only just started surely he wouldn't be eligible for any death in service payments etc?

minisoksmakehardwork · 19/06/2019 18:47

I wonder if he and his family are on a pre booked holiday somewhere and there's been an oversight which just hasn't noted that this man had a holiday booked prior to him starting the job. Especially if his wife is emergency contact and can't be reached either.

Original poster
GraceSlicksRabbit · 19/06/2019 18:49

The emergency contact is his sister. He told us he was going away for the weekend and said “see you on Monday” to a colleague.

OP posts:
KatieHack · 19/06/2019 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissConductUS · 19/06/2019 21:13

I had someone not turn up on her start day. She didn't contact us and was completely unreachable for a week. She then tried to claim medical leave. That didn't fly and HR was able to rescind the job offer, thankfully.

I had another who quit and took a pile of paper car service vouchers we kept on hand for staff who had to work late and didn't feel comfortable taking the tube home. He spent the next few months using them for limo rides around the city until the police tracked him down.

Hopefully your new employee is okay and just taking the piss, like mine did.