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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Summer birthday’

87 replies

Yellowpolkadot · 18/06/2019 23:18

I’ve probably posted about my sister in law previously, my niece is a Christmas Eve baby. It was her first birthday last year and the usual big family hoo-ha was made, lots of presents for birthday and then lost more for xmas. Happy days 😊

SIL has just announced that she will be hosting a ‘Summer birthday’ for niece. She’s planned it for the weekend after DD’s first birthday. We thought it was a bit odd but figured if that’s what you want to do, whatever, we will go along and be polite and spend some time with them. Sil has since told DH that DN would like garden toys as a gift (he had not asked what she wanted as we had no intention of buying anything as she has already had her birthday gift in December!! We just assumed they wanted a reason for a party).

AIBU to just turn up with some food and drinks for the party and ignore the gift? After all she has already had her gift for her birthday, along with SIL having a gender reveal, baby shower, and having a list for DNs christening! 🙈

OP posts:
thirstyformore · 18/06/2019 23:20

Nutter. Ywnbu to totally ignore her request.

thewinkingprawn · 18/06/2019 23:23

I would say happy to do it as an early gift for her second birthday if you’d rather have the gift now than on her actual birthday in Dec - let me know! Then in Dec just send a card.

Jemima232 · 18/06/2019 23:23

Good grief. Whatever next?

This is just an excuse for a party, isn't it - disguised as an attempt to get more presents.

Please tell me SIL hasn't produced a list.

Procrastination4 · 18/06/2019 23:23

A one-year old has expressed a preference about gifts? Wow! She must be so gifted.Grin
You would definitely NBU to turn up with food and drinks and forget the gift. After all, you’ve already given it for her actual birthday. Your sister-in-law sounds extremely greedy, ignorant and extremely thick skinned.

AdaColeman · 18/06/2019 23:24

I’d be giving that a miss altogether!

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 18/06/2019 23:26

This is mad I have an end of November baby, I have a summer birthday and DH is winter, so I know sometimes winter birthdays aren't as much fun. We've decided to have a big family BBQ each summer no presents etc but we might set aside some of the money we would've spent on DSs birthday or Christmas as they are close together and get a garden toy of some kind. Family and friends will just be invited to our summer BBQ, we've often thrown them in the past so no one will think anything of it. Your SIL is grabby.

willstarttomorrow · 19/06/2019 00:02

I am an xmas baby. Not great but that is my birthday and people who care mark it out as such. So message to SIL-
Hi, I prefer to give gifts on the actually birthday because this is a special day and I will continue to mark it as such. Obviously if you would rather hold the celebration later in the year we will be there but we really want to mark the day of birth and send a gift.

Louiselouie0890 · 19/06/2019 00:07

I would just right would you not prefer a present on her birthday? Just put it like you'd feel bad not ending up giving them anything in there actual birthday

Leeds2 · 19/06/2019 00:07

YWNBU to attend without a gift for the child, but taking food/bottle of wine etc for the party. If SIL asks where the present is, and from what you say she probably will, tell her that you gave your present on her actual birthday in December.
Personally, I would give the event a miss!

whatthewhatthewhat · 19/06/2019 00:11

Buy a cheap gift and just enjoy the party. Not the kid's fault parents are neurotic, but also surely you'd be buying them presents regularly as they're related? So what is the big deal?

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 19/06/2019 00:20

You should definitely buy her DD a present....a loud and incredibly annoying one.

PepsiLola · 19/06/2019 00:26

I wouldn't attend...

Original poster
Yellowpolkadot · 19/06/2019 06:35

I'm glad on the whole people agree she's just a bit of a nutter

@whatthewhatthewhat we buy the odd thing but as we now have our own DD with DC2 on the way buying gifts for their already very well catered for child is not high on our list of things to spend money on, we mainly just gift at xmas, birthday and a little token gift at Easter 🤷🏻‍♀️ we got her a very nice birthday gift so I don't really see why we should be obliged to buy another one now!

Due to the timing DH is keen not to go as he feels holding it the week after DDs birthday is trying to take the shine away from her 🤷🏻‍♀️ personally I'd like to think most of the family will just eye roll at what a nutter she is being and ensure they come to DDs birthday (if they can) and then do as they please for the 'summer' already celebrated birthday

OP posts:
Popskipiekin · 19/06/2019 06:39

I don’t see the harm in a half birthday as long as you’re not grabby for presents! I did this for DS2 who has a December birthday. I wanted a summer party for his friends. Family who attended were free to give gift then or in December (or not at all!!! We’re not forcing the gifts! And I expressly said no presents, this is just a party.) Usually family blend birthday and Christmas together for his birthday which I’ve always felt a little unfair, and he may start to notice the disparity with his brother as they grow older, hence wanting to give them a chance to spread the cost.

Kungfupanda67 · 19/06/2019 06:42

I always thought this idea was more for when they start school - if your birthday is over Christmas lots of kids can’t come to your party (and you’re stuck with soft play hell because it’s cold outside) so some winter babies have their party for their school friends in the summer

StealthPolarBear · 19/06/2019 06:42

If you do end up going, make sure they get a reciprocal invitation to your dd's winter birthday. It might be quite a small gathering (just you and them) but gifts are expected :)

Kungfupanda67 · 19/06/2019 06:44

@Popskipiekin my mil does that, my son’s birthday is at the beginning of November and she always gives him money ‘for his birthday and Christmas’. He’s only 6, so when Christmas comes round a full 7 weeks later, he’s forgotten and is left wondering why his brother and sister have money in their Christmas card and he doesn’t 🙄 I don’t understand what benefit there is in her doing it like that.

Di11y · 19/06/2019 06:47

could you treat this as an early 2nd birthday? get moderate present and remind them at Christmas you've already bought and will be getting joint Xmas birthday present.

gumbyprickle · 19/06/2019 06:52

I'd say 'so is this in lieu of her birthday present in December?'and see what they say. There's no way I'd be buying again.

Canyousewcushions · 19/06/2019 06:53

Is she hoping you'll buy this year's birthday present (I.e. 2nd) now and then nothing on Christmas eve?

It's not my cup of tea but it must be a bit rubbish having a years worth of presents in 2 days, then nothing for a year- possibly even more so when the child is at a stage where they are developing so fast between birthdays. When mine were smaller it would take us a week to open all the Christmas gifts- the thought of having a birthday added on top is a little overwhelming.

I think if SIL would be happy to have either nothing, or perhaps a really small token you're feeling generous, on her actual birthday, then it is a fairly practical idea And I wouldn't take umbridge.

A different matter if she's going to have 2 big birthdays a year though!!

NoSauce · 19/06/2019 06:56

That’s ridiculous and really cheeky. I too would say that this present is also for her real birthday.

Canyousewcushions · 19/06/2019 06:57

And i think your DH is being a bit precious worrying about the shine being taken off your DD.

A week later, everyone else will have moved on to other things and thoughts anyway. Her first birthday might be the centre of your existence but although it's fun and lovely for everyone else, a week later is fine. YABU for that thought.

TidyDancer · 19/06/2019 06:58

I would reply to say thank you for the invitation and you will be pleased to go but that as you've already bought a birthday present you'll stick to the actual birthday but would they like you to help clear up afterwards (or something similar)? If you don't want to go, you could still reply to mention about the present situation.

It does sound grabby but it might be a parent with a PFB worrying too much.

Theworldisfullofgs · 19/06/2019 07:01

I have an August bday child and we always had a party in the spring as none was around for the summer. He got gifts from family at bday and from friends at party. It's incredibly cheeky to expect two lots.

CherryPlum · 19/06/2019 07:01

What on earth? Will there be an 'autumn birthday' too? How bonkers.

There is no way I would go.