‘Summer birthday’

[Yellowpolkadot]

I’ve probably posted about my sister in law previously, my niece is a Christmas Eve baby. It was her first birthday last year and the usual big family hoo-ha was made, lots of presents for birthday and then lost more for xmas. Happy days 😊

SIL has just announced that she will be hosting a ‘Summer birthday’ for niece. She’s planned it for the weekend after DD’s first birthday. We thought it was a bit odd but figured if that’s what you want to do, whatever, we will go along and be polite and spend some time with them. Sil has since told DH that DN would like garden toys as a gift (he had not asked what she wanted as we had no intention of buying anything as she has already had her birthday gift in December!! We just assumed they wanted a reason for a party).

AIBU to just turn up with some food and drinks for the party and ignore the gift? After all she has already had her gift for her birthday, along with SIL having a gender reveal, baby shower, and having a list for DNs christening! 🙈

“Hi, it’ll make a nice chance for Gwendolyn to have a summer party. Since we bought her a present in December already we won’t have a present for summer party. But going forward would you rather we give presents in December or next summer instead?”

Make it clear she has a choice. She can delay the birthday but no one gets double birthday presents.

DD has a friend with a Christmas Eve birthday . Since being at school had always had a half birthday in June - as no one could ever go to her actual birthday . She received presents / party ( just off friends ) Family celebrated as usual on the day . Now she is at secondary , she just has friends over in The Xmas hols and no longer has a half birthday . Worked well .

Agree that your DH is being precious about the attention being taken away from your daughter [hmmm]

I think it's a nice idea as having a Christmas Eve birthday must be quite shit. However I think it's very cheeky to expect presents!

If you do buy one then she wouldn't get another on her actual birthday. Maybe having her birthday so close to Christmas makes it over whelming? Perhaps just buy a hula hoop this time and a proper present on her actual birthday.

She’s a grabby CF and particularly do by choosing to do this on the W/e of your DD’s actual birthday. My birthday is in November. and my GM used to do me a “three quarters birthday” in the school summer holidays. It wasn’t much more than a day out to somewhere with a picnic. Definitely no presents!

My brother has a Christmas Day birthday and my other brother later in the year. Family bought them both gifts on both occasions. It's rubbish having a Xmas birthday as everyone says 'this is for Xmas and your birthday'. I can understand why parents would want to get over this perceived unfairness early. Having personal experience of this I'd buy a gift this time and see how it pans out over time. She's probably just trying to compensate for the birthday being lost in Christmas. I can't see how it would take the shine off your daughter's birthday. That's a strange idea to have. Christmas will 'take the shine off' his birthday every year.

I get the concept of having an alternative "birthday" away from her real one at Christmas, but not straight after her proper 1st birthday, ffs!
Wait until the kid is old enough to understand the timescales at least!

It would be worth asking the SIL if she's doing this instead of Christmas Eve presents this year. If she's planning on just doing Christmas this year, then it does make sense to have any birthday gifts now - but the worry would be that she would ALSO expect birthday gifts at Christmas, as well as Christmas gifts.

I'd talk to her, in all honesty. See if she's just starting this really early (it would have to happen one year, if this is something she plans to continue every year) and then go from there. After all, if you were going to buy her presents for her 2nd birthday at Christmas time, then it's just getting ahead of the game getting them for her now, isn't it - it's not extra presents.

Clearly she is raising a future Queen and you, dear, don't know your place.

I think DH is just annoyed that she has literally all year to pick a second birthday but is trying to make family travel on consecutive weekends, sorry probably didn’t phrase it the best way by saying take the shine off 🙈

How ridiculous that is made me laugh; take food and drink and if they ask about a present innocently say you gave one on her actual birthday

I know someone else who did this with a boxing day baby. They just had a BBQ and garden party. No gifts or cake. Still thought it was peculiar though. Either don't buy anything or say that if you buy a gift now you won't be getting anything for the actual birthday.

Also, why does it need to be so close to your DD's birthday?

SIL sounds like a CF

I would not bother going to be honest, say you already have plans and can't change them at such notice. However if you do go, a token gift like an art set for under a fiver would do. If she wants garden toys or similar for her kid she needs to buy them herself as we all do. Yanbu

Unless there is history, I took it to mean that they're having a party summer 2019 instead of a birthday thing for December 2019 so this arrangement is for this year, not a second present for December 2018's birthday.

I can understand it. When children are growing etc getting a years worth of presents so close must be impractical and then you also get the people who do one present and try to dress it up as birthday and Christmas.

I would bring some bubbles, or a water pistol

It seems odd to go to a nephew or niece’s birthday, especially if you have to travel. We’ve never been to our nephew or nieces’ birthdays. We would never be asked, and nor would we ask other family members to come to ours.

If you go to moon pig you’ll be able to personalise a card “Happy First Birthday again”.
Ignore the fact it’s the weekend after your DD’s. That may not be accidental on her part, but everyone will be thinking the same as you anyway.
I’d go, but take the bare minimum. Get something small off the list and bear in mind December’s gift should be half the usual cost.
Unfortunately if you don’t do the above, you will look like the one who is being unreasonable.

@LolaSmiles unfortunately it’s been called her ‘Summer first birthday party’ 🙄

@daisypond we tend to go to them whilst children are little, then they get replaced by party’s for friends instead of family 🤷🏻‍♀️ Has always worked well on my side of the family 😊

What a CF! My birthday is exactly 6 months before Christmas, I should have asked for double the presents at Christmas because it was my half birthday! Gonna tell my mum now.

daisypond - we’ve always been to all of our nephews and nieces party’s. Even if they had a school friends party, we would if numbers weren’t limit. Or if they were, go for lunch or something separately. It’s nice for us because we live a long drive away and gives us a chance to catch up with everyone.

A friend of mines brother was born on Boxing Day.

He celebrated his birthday on June 26th instead!

She's an absolute head case

@adaline if it was instead I wouldn’t have a problem... having 2 birthdays is just unreasonable

I've heard of people celebrating half birthdays when their birthday is around Christmas but 1 seems a bit young to feel the need to do it. Also if its 1st birthday again I wouldn't do another present either

@Poloshot 😂 I frequently think that but try and keep myself in check as she is DHs sister 🙈

Haha yes best to keep thoughts to yourself on occasion 😂