Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Summer birthday’

87 replies

Yellowpolkadot · 18/06/2019 23:18

I’ve probably posted about my sister in law previously, my niece is a Christmas Eve baby. It was her first birthday last year and the usual big family hoo-ha was made, lots of presents for birthday and then lost more for xmas. Happy days 😊

SIL has just announced that she will be hosting a ‘Summer birthday’ for niece. She’s planned it for the weekend after DD’s first birthday. We thought it was a bit odd but figured if that’s what you want to do, whatever, we will go along and be polite and spend some time with them. Sil has since told DH that DN would like garden toys as a gift (he had not asked what she wanted as we had no intention of buying anything as she has already had her birthday gift in December!! We just assumed they wanted a reason for a party).

AIBU to just turn up with some food and drinks for the party and ignore the gift? After all she has already had her gift for her birthday, along with SIL having a gender reveal, baby shower, and having a list for DNs christening! 🙈

OP posts:
Scoobydobbywho · 19/06/2019 07:59

Will she still be expecting presents on the real birthday also?

SleepsleepsleepImissyou · 19/06/2019 08:12

I am a Christmas baby and my younger brother was also a December baby. Our parents used to buy us a present each in the summer, my mum felt it was a long time to wait a full year, then everything come at once for us when we were kids, so I can kind of see what your SIL is doing.

However we didn't have a party though ! Or celebrate our birthdays in the summer. Nobody else in the family bought us anything or was instructed to by my mum, it was just for us. Think your SIL is maybe forward thinking too far and trying to start something nice for her child, but getting the whole gist of it wrong.

TeenTimesTwo · 19/06/2019 08:18

I think when the DN is school age, a summer party for friends sounds great.
But not for adult relatives.
Provided of course that you do give 2 full cost separate presents wrapped in separate paper with a proper card. I wonder whether some other relatives gave 'joint' presents.

SnuggyBuggy · 19/06/2019 08:18

I sort of get this as people with Christmas Birthdays get a raw deal but garden furniture?

crimsonlake · 19/06/2019 08:20

I am stunned at their sense of entitlement, is their daughter a queen or what with these 2 birthdays? Crazy parents.

Passthecherrycoke · 19/06/2019 08:23

I don’t understand the idea that parties are to get gifts. Parties are really expensive to host- if you just wanted stuff you may as well buy it yourself with the party money- and especially, no offence, considering the crap people usually buy children for their birthdays.

HiJenny35 · 19/06/2019 08:24

Just text saying...
Are we doing 2nd birthday cards now too or just the present? Wasn't sure if you wanted all the cards now too or in December?
If she comes back and states it's first birthday then sorted just say you've already done the first birthday presents.

MarthasGinYard · 19/06/2019 08:26

'Sil has since told DH that DN would like garden toys as a gift'

Grabby McGrabsville

Ugh how entitled.

Let them buy some bloody garden toys and indulge her in a 'summer party' they're choice.

I'd attend with literally a balloon or a garden windmill.

Is she normally a CF?

Jent13c · 19/06/2019 08:27

We have a Jan baby and my SIL takes him for a wee day out every summer as a little half birthday celebration. All her idea and he loves a day with his big cousins so quite happy to play along. His birthday is a little tagged on to Christmas/NY celebrations but you can't pick when your birthday is! We don't buy him half birthday gifts as such but if he needed something (like a scooter or bike) I would probably just get it when he could use it.

Pinkprincess1978 · 19/06/2019 08:29

I would buy a gift but out a little (cheap) card with it saying 'Happy Early 2nd Birthday DN' thereby making it clear that this is her 2nd birthday present and not a second present for her first birthday.

We have a few Xmas birthdays inc a young child on Xmas eve. Her parents briefly thought about doing a summer party but actually have never not managed to throw her a party near her birthday.

Present wise early on they asked if for birthday we could give money (everyone gets money now as they are old enough to want more expensive gifts). The money from her first birthday was saved to but garden toys. So I don't think the idea that out there. I think we will find out on Xmas eve if she was a cf if she then expects presents again...

I have to say she has chosen a weird weekend to host the party. I guess at least she did it after and not before. Summer lasts a long time so there were plenty of weekends to choose from so I agree taking up two weekends for family is a bit odd. Spreading them out even by a month would have been nicer and made it more special to see each other.

greenlynx · 19/06/2019 08:33

I think that your DH is right. He knows his sister better than we all! I wouldn’t txt your SIL deliberately but I would mention casually that you prefer to stick to presents on DN’s actual birthday. Then I would treat it as a family gathering and take a bottle of wine or something else and a small token gift for DN.
The thing is that some people do one present for birthday and Xmas for Xmas babies. Just stick to 2 separate ones and no problem.

Pinkprincess1978 · 19/06/2019 08:33

Now I've read the full thread I see she has made it clear this is her first birthday again. Very strange and no I wouldn't entertain a second 1st Birthday present.

I would be clear to her though - do you want us to buy her 2nd birthday present early now or would you rather wait until December?

CassianAndor · 19/06/2019 08:36

DD is a Christmas baby and it's true enough that Christmas being right around the corner knocks off some of the shine, so we do a 'half birthday' for her - but it's small in that we buy her a git and have a little celebration meal, maybe with a pal, and that's it.

So I don't think your SIL is U to have a half birthday for your niece (Christmas Eve is really shit for a birthday) but I think asking for presents is a bit much.

CassianAndor · 19/06/2019 08:36

unless you are the kind of person who gives a joint present. In which case, cough up ya tightwad!

Isadora2007 · 19/06/2019 08:39

I would still go and actually prefer a summer half birthday as it spreads the gifts over the year and as the child gets older she will end up with one “bigger” (that often isn’t even bigger) gift as a joint one. But as you’ve given a gift already I’d say that- in a nice way. “Looking forward to her summer celebration, as we gave her X for her birthday we will bring her some bubbles or a little windmill and resume gifts next summer.”

diddl · 19/06/2019 08:44

I do like the idea of (hopefully) being able to be outside & kids having a run about.

But why not just frame it as a get together in the nice weather?

Oh hang on, they couldn't ask for presents then, could they?Hmm

No, I wouldn't be getting a gift I don't think.

PregnantSea · 19/06/2019 08:52

I don't think it's fair to complain about it being the weekend after your DD's bday. As long as it's not on the same day then it's really her own business when she organises stuff for, you don't "own" that whole month just for someone's birthday. A birthday is one day.

But YANBU to not bring a gift to this party, that's absolutely ridiculous. Just say to your sister that DN has already had her first birthday gift, did you forget? And maybe clarify is this is going to be a regular thing moving forward, and if so does that mean that she wants to wait until next summer to have her 2nd birthday gift?

Just make sure she knows that her daughter is only getting birthday gifts once a year. Maybe that conversation will make her realise that she's being a bit cheeky. Although she really should have figured that out already Hmm

burritofan · 19/06/2019 08:54

It seems odd to go to a nephew or niece’s birthday, especially if you have to travel. We’ve never been to our nephew or nieces’ birthdays. We would never be asked, and nor would we ask other family members to come to ours.
It's not remotely odd.

CripsSandwiches · 19/06/2019 08:57

YANBU. She should have said at the christmas birthday that she doesn't want birthday gifts for DN because they're having a summer hoohaa. She can't accept birthday gifts then ask for more 6 months later!

daisypond · 19/06/2019 09:04

Equally, I wouldn’t expect invites to my siblings’ birthdays or DH’s siblings’ birthdays, or either of our parents’, never mind assorted nephews and nieces. Maybe if you live in the same town it might be more normal to meet up for occasions like birthdays, but we all live hundreds of miles apart from each other. But I don’t know anyone off the top of my head who lives near their relatives.

Yabbers · 19/06/2019 09:19

She’s starting her own family tradition, doing it early so her DD doesn’t lose out with a Christmas birthday.

Is it really such a pain to buy something small as a gift and enjoy the day?

If DH is precious about it being close to your DDs birthday, he should suggest in future she shifts it a few weeks.

having 2 birthdays is just unreasonable
I wonder if anyone said this to the queen?

DD was born early. She has a second celebration on the day she should have been born, 3 months after her birthday. I couldn’t care if you think that’s unreasonable or not.

Alsohuman · 19/06/2019 09:20

My birthday is in August so always fell in the summer holidays. I remember feeling quite cheated that nobody could ever come to a party - so I ended up not having one - and I never got all the stuff they did In primary school for a birthday child. I’d have loved an “official” birthday during term time.

Original poster
Yellowpolkadot · 19/06/2019 09:26

@Yabbers as a parent to a preemie I can see why you may wish to celebrate that, do you expect other family members to Mark the event with gifts though?

I think we are just a little taken a back with how many occasions SIL has managed to engineer to gain gifts in the last 2 years 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 19/06/2019 09:27

DD was born early. She has a second celebration on the day she should have been born, 3 months after her birthday. I couldn’t care if you think that’s unreasonable or not

Depends what form the celebration takes. If it’s framed as another birthday party that’s odd because the day of your birth can only be one day. If it’s just an excuse for a family get-together, why not?

bridgetreilly · 19/06/2019 09:30

She is bonkers, obviously but DH is keen not to go as he feels holding it the week after DDs birthday is trying to take the shine away from her is also bonkers. Get a grip, everyone!

Swipe left for the next trending thread