To think that people are weird about non-drivers?

[HennyPennyHorror]

I don't want to learn to drive. I'm mid-40s and just don't want to. Never have.

I catch trains and buses and ride a bike. It's never been an issue for me. My DH works for himself and so he's always been the one to take DC to their friend's parties etc.

He likes doing it...if he didn't I suppose I'd need to reconsider.

People look at me like I'm weird because I don't want to drive. You also see it here. A sort of irritation regarding those who can't drive.

The thought scares me frankly and I'm aware that I'd only be adding to pollution. I never ask anyone for a lift. I just get on with it.

I do feel sorry for people who want to drive but can't because of co-ordination problems or illness.

I have had so many driving holidays round Europe over decades and been to places that would be totally inaccessible otherwise... beaches where there are no people etc, I just can't imagine limiting myself from this sort of experience by choice.

Blimey, these mixed comments are only making me feel worse that I can’t drive...

I’m in my early twenties, and the frustration of being unable to drive are really setting in, now. I absolutely hate having to rely on someone else to get somewhere. Whether that means getting a bus, a train, a taxi, or my partner driving me, it really frustrates me that I can’t just get in my own car and drive. I’m at that age, now, where I feel embarrassed to say I can’t drive. It makes me feel inadequate and immature. Particularly when I mention it to employers, as it being a driver makes people more employable, sadly.

I’ll probably take lessons at some point in the near future, but won’t be able to afford a car for a good few years. In a way, I wish I’d learned earlier. But not at 17, I was waaaay too young and immature. Some people are just a natural when it comes to driving. I’d be a nervous wreck, even now.

You are so lucky if you can drive! Don’t ever take it for granted.

You genuinely can’t see that happening *?! With climate change and fossil fuels becoming ever more scarce you don’t think there’ll be additional charges and taxes applied? A large city near me is under consultation for a congestion charge and I think it’s only a matter of time before these are more widely applied.

“It was funny watching the drivers squirming when petrol was rationed years ago and given to essential users only.
They had to either car share which people should do anyway, or catch public transport.”

When did this happen?

StreetwiseHercules

Around September 2000.

Tbh, a lot of the non-drivers I know do rely on others for lifts. I'm also quite precious about my car (brand new Golf R) and I find that my fellow drivers seem to have greater consideration in the way they treat my car - e.g. not letting the seat belts fly back and smash off the plastic pillars/window etc and not sitting on the seat bolsters (side) of my bucket seats etc.

However, I've got nothing against those who don't expect lifts.

Dexra, l also had a SAHM whi didn't drive (had a provisional licence once but never passed her test) and my siblings and I also missed out on a lot.
We lived pretty rurally also. As my brother put it once 'We were the kids always waving off the neighbours' kids going out for day'. A short car journey could take hours on public transport so my mum often didn't bother. We could have done so much had my mother been able to drive.

Yanbu - drivers clearly are weird about non drivers judging by this thread. There are not many other skills, that if you were lacking, would then mean you were also assumed to be:
Lazy, CF, having no ambition, wet lettuce, clueless, helpless in all areas of life, irritating etc.
It's pretty harsh to label a group of people all those things based on that one missing skill.
I can't drive, tried but was crap at it so better all round if I don't. It doesn't make me any of those other things, infact I'd argue the opposite as you have to compensate with good planning and organisation. We live in a city and it's quicker to bike most places anyway.
I did worry it would be limiting when I had Dc but actually find we go more places than my driver friends who have become so accustomed to the convenience of driving they don't want to get a train or bus to a fun event or place in certain cities because of traffic and they don't want to be pay parking charges.

You live in London. So what happens when for whatever reason, you have to move?

Or indeed, venture into the post-apocalpytic wilderness outside the M25?

My theory is that non-drivers who have no access to a car such as partners driving don't appreciate that they are limited because they factor not driving into every decision.

I'm not explaining myself very well. So if you're a non-driver planning a day out, you'll start off by looking at where you can go by bus or train. And you'll tell everyone about what a lovely day you had out at the seaside and how it was SO easy by train and how you don't understand why anyone would ever want to drive a car because look! Public transport is perfectly adequate.

It would never even occur to you to go to a safari park, or a castle, or a stately home in the middle of nowhere because there;s no way of getting there.

"Tbh, a lot of the non-drivers I know do rely on others for lifts."

No, I don't. I always decline the offer, since it's my choice not to drive. Though it may be different for me, since I can drive if I wanted to, and I have a car. (though many don't know I assume, and think I can't.)

Re. the Venn Diagram nonsense - I would add:

• how many non-drivers do you see popping up on CF parking threads to say 'If you didn't have a car, you wouldn't have this problem?'

• How many non-drivers go onto threads where people are asking for insurance-related advice after having had a car accident, to say 'If you didn't drive, you wouldn't have this problem?'

• How many non-drivers go onto threads where people are asking for new car or child car seat recommendations to say 'Don't bother - use public transport instead, it's better for the environment?'

Answer - they don't. Some of the replies on this thread are tempting me to start, though!

My mum doesn’t drive. It’s really annoying because she tried but really got very little support from my father. She believed him when he said she should only learn on a manual car for example, She would have been fine driving an auto and it would have changed her life.

She refuses lifts all the time. ALL the despite me constantly trying to reassure her that a 5 minute trip to town because it’s chucking it down doesn’t bother me at all. Whereas it would take her 20 minutes to walk and shed be wet and uncomfortable going round the shops. I feel really sad for the constrictions she has put on herself.

I finally got a licence 6yrs ago in early 40's but have barely driven since, partly because I live in London and cycle to work for fitness and partly because to get insurance as a first time driver for a cheap car is around £1200 (if not more), which seems such a lot on top of the price of a car and then all the extras. Reading this thread though is making me think again, do feel a little scared as well I have to admit. Almost got a lease car last year but decided I can use the £200 pm on holiday travel instead!

Driving isn't for everyone. It doesn't come naturally to everyone. It causes many people extreme anxiety and fear. I don't think anyone should be made to feel like a second class citizen for not driving. Of course non drivers can't assume others will drive them around. Relationships are give and take though and if a non driver is driven somewhere, maybe they in return will cook dinner or something.

I had a phobia about driving and came under pressure to learn to drive when my DP and I moved to the countryside. Previously my DP drove us all over but in the last year I have been driving and am gradually going greater distances in the car. I was faced with the question that if DP became ill or disabled, how would I get DP to hospital or how would I get the shopping done etc. Now I am enjoying the freedom and independence of taking myself off anywhere I want when I want.

@PestyMachtubernahme maybe it's the area I live in. I know 3 non drivers, one the lady whose husband had a brain tumour and my mil - both are ridiculously reliant on their dh, the man of the house. The third was my controlling cf ex boyfriend who I gather remains a cf only dating women who drive, demanding lifts from friends. I have lots of friends but perhaps living here everyone needs a car.

How does your mortgage alter how limited your life is? Your comparison makes no sense. Paying off my mortgage would be more limiting short term as I'd have less money available for my 3 holidays a year.

I live very rurally and wouldn't be able to do my job if I didn't drive - my journey to work is 40 minutes in the car - the same journey by public transport takes over four hours at an absolute minimum. If I wanted to get to work for my start time via public transport (9.30am, so hardly the crack of dawn) I would have to leave at 7...PM. The night before.

I also finish work at 6pm. The latest time I could leave to get me home the same day would be...2pm.

I do think a lot of this depends on where you live. In a city, you can quite easily manage without a car. There are buses or trains every 10-15 minutes from early morning until late at night. Rurally, the buses maybe run once or twice a day (three times if you're lucky), don't run at all on Sundays or Bank Holidays, and stop at 6pm in winter.

Rural living also means walking/cycling just isn't viable either - the roads are too dangerous (and steep/windy) to safely cycle on a daily basis and are a literal death trap in winter! Very different to cycling the well-lit streets of a country town.

September 2000? No. There has t been fuel rationing in the UK since 1950.

In 2000 the haulage industry and some motorists blocked refineries in protest at the price of fuel. Which led to some queuing at petrol stations.

I also think lots of non drivers use shit excuses like “ I’m rubbish at it’ or “I’d be danger”. Like I did. Took me for attempts to pass. I eventually realised that all sorts of people drive...they can’t all be brilliant, safe or more confident. And then I passed and got to be a good driver with practise.

I also think all drivers hate something about driving. I do motorways and drive abroad but there’s a dangerous junction in town I’ll avoid.

I think non drivers are just a bit scared due to all the moaning about the roads ( and other drivers) that goes on, In fact I think most drivers acknowledge we all muck up on the roads.

I would automatically assume, if I met a person who couldn't drive, that they were either lazy or stupid (sorry!)

I would automatically assume, if I met a person who couldn't drive, that they were either lazy or stupid (sorry!)

As long as you’re happy for people to assume you’re also stupid, crack on

callmeadoctor

Oh yes, I'm so very very lazy, and so so stupid. To add, my dc missed out on so much because I was so stupid to know how to use a train, bus or taxi.
what a terrible, stupid, parent Iam.
Difference is when the shit hits the pan, I don't need a car and our life continues.

the biggest impact is on her two young kids. They've never left the city centre, family holidays, farm parks, country parks etc and all she does is take them to a local walkable park. It just makes me sad that in a world where there is so much to see and do (free or not) her kids just know the same few square miles.

OMG. Children that have never accessed Centre parcs and Tuscany. Oh the humanity! Pmsl. Fwiw most kids are quite happy riding their bikes round their local streets and playing with their mates. It's not the end of the world.
PS when we went on holidays and I couldn't afford a car we took the train and maybe a taxi or two. Beleive it or not dc not too scarred.

“I also think lots of non drivers use shit excuses like “ I’m rubbish at it’ or “I’d be danger”.

Agreed. It’s a total cop out, to avoid responsibility.

Agreed. It’s a total cop out, to avoid responsibility

What responsibility

Is it beyond the realms of understanding that non-drivers have weighed up whether they need to drive?

Agreed. It’s a total cop out, to avoid responsibility.

Responsibility for what? Multiple fatalities in a 10 car pile up on the M42? You're right, I don't think I want to be responsible for that, thank you.