AIBU for not “thanking” Ex?

[FanjoFizz]

My ex DP and I split up 4 years ago have a child together. He has him one night a week and EOW.
He pays maintenance around CMS level but I don’t know exactly how much he earns so he may be paying a tad more (maybe £20-30 a month more max).
For all intents and purposes he is a good dad.

However, today he has sent me a huge ranty texts saying I don’t appreciate “everything he does” and he deserves some thanks for it. This is a recurring theme with him, he expects praise for basically being a dad.
I have our child 22-23 days a month, organise everything, provide all his clothes (bar a few spares ex keeps at his house), I have always paid all nursery fees, haircuts, all doctors and dental appointment. In fact I suspect he wouldn’t even be able to tell you where he is registered for these.
I literally do everything, yes he sees his child regularly and makes a financial contribution but beyond that it all falls to me.

AIBU for pointing out how much I do and have never once received appreciation or thanks from him? I acknowledge our child loves him very much and he is obviously appreciative, BUT I’m not going to thank my ex for basically being a dad and being present in our child’s life?!!

He is furious and has called me a nasty cow etc. and a row has ensued because I feel he’s being ridiculous. What on earth does he want? He’s a parent, it’s his job.

Your ex sounds like a complete idiot, why the hell would you be thanking him for being a parent to his own child? either ignore his ridiculous text or send one back pointing out everything you do without any thanks! and be very glad he's an ex.

Just ignore him. Luckily as an ex you don't have to "row" with him.

Tell him its called Parenting and its your DC who gets a Gold Star, not him.

LOL, I think I'd just text back, 'don't be so silly'.

That’s exactly what I did! But now a row has ensued because I called him incredibly arrogant for expecting praise for contributing to his child’s upbringing.
He has a real weird sense of self in general though a really believe he is amazing and people at work/ friends/ family should revere him and constantly talks about being deserving of respect.
He’s a strange man in many ways and I ignore most of it, however this “thanking” bollocks has hit a nerve with me because I honestly do 99% of the parenting and bear the brunt of most of the expense of raising our child.

I’ve never received a mother’s day card or gift organised by him for example, only the one my child has made at school.

He's a twat

I'd say nothing. Don't lower yourself and get into dialogue. Simply buy him one of those chocolate no.1 medals and place it around his neck, stand back and courtsy next time you see him. It will say it all

Just leave him to row with himself. Deprive him of both target and audience.

What he thinks he is due, or worthy of, is of no matter to you.

Omg, what an absolute tool. You must feel so relieved he is now exP Urgh!

I'd just text back the following

Sent a ranty text back, listing all the things you do for dc and ask where your thanks are

He obviously wanted a Father's Day card.
If the kids make one for mums in school could you not have got them to make home one?

He doesn't get praise for parenting but if he loves his kids, he only sees them a couple of days and a Father's Day card would be important?

I said he was being ridiculous and then blocked him but not before I received accusations of having a secret christening for DC on Saturday. We actually attended a confirmation mass for another family member at his parent’s parish church which we’d even chatted about earlier in the week.

Why on earth would I get our son baptised in secret? I’m not even religious

Buy a plastic medal like the ones they give out at sports day and post it to him what a knob.

@notmylittleangel he got a father’s Day card that DC made at school.

@notmylittleangel he set the tone for mother’s day / father’s day by not ever getting me a card or gift. I just followed with his wishes.

It’s not even about father’s day though, he does this all the time and wants constant acknowledgement of minor things he does which are just a normal part of parenting.
For example he bought our DC a pair of trainers and wanted me to thank him for it? DC didn’t need new trainers, he had a virtually brand new pair at home and he didn’t ask for any. So they were just a random treat for DC, but ex kept mentioning the cost (£30 so not a huge amount) expecting me to say thank you.
Firstly they weren’t needed, secondly they definitely not what I would have bought for DC given the choice, and thirdly he genuinely thought he was a superhero for buying one pair of trainers in 4 years.

Why do you think he's doing this now?

Might be easier to ignore if you know the reason

I'm afraid I'd just turn around, look at him blankly, and say, 'um, I'm not going to throw you a ticker tape parade every (or any) time you do anything that any half way decent parent does. You'll just have to stretch your own arm around a little further to give yourself that pat on the back you're so obviously craving'. . .

yanbu he's a twat. have you tried just ignoring him? hard to do but may avoid the arguing next time he says something ridiculous.

He doesn't get praise for parenting but if he loves his kids, he only sees them a couple of days and a Father's Day card would be important?

We only have one child, it’s also his choice that he only sees DC that much. I however have to pay extortionate childcare costs just to be able to work whilst he prioritises his career over his availability to parent DC more regularly.

@AuntieStella honestly I don’t know. The shitty texts started on Saturday morning and ignored them, but today he’s escalated because I responded. I won’t now.

It’s a shame because we’ve been coparenting happily and getting along fine since before Christmas so it’s literally come out of the blue.

@mbosnz

Okay he's a twat - you know that though because he is an ex.

Just ignore it

Text him every time you do something for DD

“Just fed DD, are you going to thank me?”

“Just bought DD school shoes, are you going to thank me?”

“Just put DD to bed, are you going to thank me”

Or, probably better just to let him know you won’t be thanking him for being a parent and won’t be engaging in the debate further.