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Original poster

To tell bride to be her fiancé is a bisexual cheat.

106 replies

xiomaraV · 17/06/2019 17:31

Ex friends.

Would you tell the bride that her fiancé is bisexual and not only that, he cheats on her at any given opportunity. Is a sex pest. Constantly messages other women and men. From friendly chat to pictures of his penis.

He has done this to numerous people including myself, and had bragged about sleeping with another woman. He's also messed around with men.

Do I tell the bride before she marries him? I've always thought I wouldn't get involved especially after our friendship fell apart. But now it's closer to the wedding I feel like she should know.

OP posts:
be47 · 17/06/2019 19:29

Seconding @RedKite89 - I also can't believe the posters describing him as 'secretly gay'! His cheating is horrible but has no connection to his sexuality, and just because he has cheated with some men doesn't mean he is gay!

These myths about bisexuality are really unfair and I wish people would stop with them.

YouJustDoYou · 17/06/2019 19:30

The bisexual part is irrelevant. The cheating part is. If you're only wanting to do it out of spite, that's not the right reason.

YouJustDoYou · 17/06/2019 19:35

I do think it's wrong to hide it (being bisexual) from your fiancé though

I don't think you grasp basic concepts of sexuality. Just because you may or may not be bisexual etc, doesn't mean you'll cheat. There is absolutely no reason to disclose" being bisexual to a partner. If you're a cheat, however - then they need to know if you intend to "dabble".

RedKite89 · 17/06/2019 19:39

Not being out to your partner when you’re bi is not the same as being gay and using an opposite sex partner as a beard. He’s attracted to the gender he is with, and it’s a total myth that bisexuals will need to fulfil ‘needs’ for the other gender. I’ve had relationships in the past in which I never came out as bi, no one has a responsibility to come out. It’s a choice you make when you feel comfortable and safe to.

You have the right to out a cheat. You don’t have the right to out someone’s sexuality. Even if they’re awful.

Original poster
xiomaraV · 17/06/2019 19:56

I do understand the concept of sexuality. If he was bisexual and that was that there would be no issue and there would be no post here. Of course it's the fact that he's 'dabbling' that's the issue and not the fact he's bisexual. I wouldn't even know he was bisexual if he didn't cheat with men.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2019 19:56

@xiomaraV do you have proof?
If you do, for God sake tell her.

You aren't friends so if she knows but doesn't care, it's not like she has to face you.
If she doesn't know and is angry it's not like she has to see you.

It doesn't matter that she's not your friend, or not your business.

Knowiny letting someone get married to a serial cheat who is putting her sexual health and possibly her fertility at risk is not ok.

Tell her.

Original poster
xiomaraV · 17/06/2019 19:59

@RedKite89 so do you think I should tell her he's cheating with men and women, and just focus on the cheating part. Apologies if I've got that wrong .

OP posts:
RedKite89 · 17/06/2019 20:10

@xiomaraV Personally, I would tell her he’s a cheat and leave genders out of it. It sounds like you have enough examples/evidence to be able to do this.

I totally get that he’s a terrible person and it’s tempting to feel that he doesn’t deserve protection if he’s not out to his fiancée because of his actions - but outing someone should never be a weapon.

It’s hard to advise because I don’t know the circumstances of how ’out’ he is and his reasons around that - for example, if his family would cut him off or if he would lose friends if they found out. I know it’s hard to feel sympathy for an asshole but my way of thinking is that even if he deserves bad things, no good comes of using negative societal attitudes against someone to punish them. That just makes us complicit in spreading those attitudes. Coming out is deeply personal and should never be forced. I hope this helps.

YouJustDoYou · 17/06/2019 20:12

Of course it's the fact that he's 'dabbling' that's the issue and not the fact he's bisexual

So why into you mention that he's bisexual then? 😂

Original poster
xiomaraV · 17/06/2019 20:14

@RedKite89 I do see your point totally. It shouldn't matter what sex he's cheated with.In his instance though I think it's just that. He doesn't care who he's cheated with. I honestly believe he would go with whoever gave him the chance. And that's not bisexuality. That's just being an utter twat. That's why I felt like she should know.

I didn't phrase it too well looking back.

OP posts:
Original poster
xiomaraV · 17/06/2019 20:17

@YouJustDoYou I apologise. The fact he is bisexual isn't the problem.

OP posts:
TanyaChix · 17/06/2019 20:19

If it were me I’d absolutely want to know. I’d tell her anonymously. My best friend was told this way and she was glad that she was. I had a cheating ex but friends only told me after we split which meant I wasted years on him.

Goodenough06 · 17/06/2019 20:28

I think you should tell her. It's unfair of everyone to be keeping this from her, marriage isn't something you can just click your fingers and 'undo'.

Do you honestly think everyone will believe him over you? It sounds as though he will drop himself in it any way. A truth doesn't become less true if no one believes you, at least you can walk away from the situation with your head held high having been honest.

FancyAPint · 17/06/2019 20:32

oh well I'm going to go against the grain and say I would want to know the full picture - the cheating and the bi-sexuality.

Original poster
xiomaraV · 17/06/2019 20:36

@Goodenough06 I know everyone will believe me because he's put so many people through the same thing. It's if they actually side with me and admit it that's the trouble . Everyone openly slag him off behind his back and says what a disgusting pervert he is which is why, now it's getting nearer the wedding, that I feel so sorry for her.

OP posts:
Goodenough06 · 17/06/2019 20:50

They sound like they are really two faced Confused it must be hard for you to be in that situation if no one else is going to step up. I feel sorry for her as well being surrounded by fake friends. Even if no one sticks up for you, I'd still say tell her. It sounds like they aren't a great group of people anyway!

SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2019 20:54

Geez I wouldn't want any of you and your friends as my friends op.
Tell her so she can start again with a decent partner and mates who aren't all happy to see her screwed over

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 17/06/2019 20:57

Before they possibly ttc you need to get everyone he has made a pass at to tell her. She can't disbelieve all of you.

Mildpanic · 17/06/2019 21:03

Blimey. You need to let her know. Either speak to her or text her. She maybe awful about it but as her friend, now or not she needs that info.

Original poster
xiomaraV · 17/06/2019 21:04

They sent a great group of people your right. If I don't tell her that would class me as the same. I've made my decision to tell her. And I will tell her what she needs to know without bringing individual names into it. It's up to her if she believes me or not then.

OP posts:
Original poster
xiomaraV · 17/06/2019 21:05

They sent a great group of people *

OP posts:
Original poster
xiomaraV · 17/06/2019 21:06

Third time lucky. They are not a great group of people **

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2019 21:56

Good op, you're right. Keeping your nose out does NOT make you automatically the better person. Sometimes keeping oyur nose out makes you a shit person. I'm glad you've decided to tell her. What she does from there is up to her

Likeazombi · 17/06/2019 22:13

I think I would tell her, but if he has already stalked you what do you think he will do if/when he finds out it was you that blew the whistle?
If there is any chance this could put you in harms way from his direction I would reconsider and put yourself and your health and safety first.
If he's a prolific as you say and so many people are openly talking about it, she may already suspect or be about to find out from someone else.

tolerable · 17/06/2019 22:54

good on you.dont expect it to be anyhing less than a shit deal.then walk away.id thank you x

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