To not want to have my Mother waiting in the hospital while I’m in labour?

[AngeloMysterioso]

My DM and I have a bit of a complicated relationship which I’ve posted about a few times. I’m 21 weeks pregnant (first baby) and she is very excited as she doesn’t get to see any of my brother’s DC, and keeps on referring to my baby as her baby (had a thread on that not long ago) which I have been feeling uncomfortable with.

Last week she did it again and I just said “Could you not call it your baby?” She asked why not and I just said I felt a bit weird about it, that I’m her baby and this is my baby. She just dismissed it with an “Oh, for God’s sake!” type of remark.

Later on we were talking about when I’m in labour etc, and she said “I do hope I can get to the hospital when it’s happening. I might ask your DH to let me know.”
I said I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, that childbirth is probably tricky enough as it is without the added pressure having to worry about people pacing the waiting room wanting to come in as soon as the baby is here. She just got all huffy and said “you do feel weird about the strangest things!”

Is it strange? I just want to be able to get on with labour with my DH and have visitors when we’re good and ready! AIBU or is she?

No, it’s her that’s being weird. She’s had her time, this yours.

Don't tell her when you go into labour.

Sorry this is yours

I have never understood why people want to go and wait at a hospital while someone is in labour like you see on TV and film. What's the point?

Tell your DH to on no account disclose when you go into labour YANBU.

Tell the midwife who you do and don't want on the ward. In my experience they and security are very good at making sure that anyone you don't want there will not be allowed access to the ward.

Completely understand. Just don’t tell her.

My first, mother decided to turn up at the hospital in the early hours of the morning and did manage to get to see me (against hospital policy) as labour ward was quiet. Didn’t give a shit that I didn’t want or ask for her there! Some people just have boundary issues.

No way! Don't tell her (or anyone if you can help it) that you are in labour, then once baby is here tell her when you're good and ready.

Bloody thumbs.

... me she felt safer, stronger, when her mum arrived. It wouldn’t have worked for me.

I think it's bloody obvious why she doesn't see your Dbs children.
Make your boundaries very clear now.

Ha! Part one was ‘Don’t tell her!’

Most hospitals do not want people waiting, the easy solution is not to tell her you are in labour

Nope completely normal - why would she even want to be there?!

Tell her it’s not like the movies - in all likelihood there is no “waiting room” for her to wait in. You will actually spend the majority of the time labouring at home, not rush into the hospital the second your waters break.

Most importantly, tell your DH not to tell her when the labour starts, and tell the midwives so they can prevent her from getting onto the labour ward.

She’s being ridiculous! (What’s the betting she will try and engineer a situation so that she ends up in delivery with you?! Don’t risk having her near the hospital!) I was in latent labour for 5 days then active labour in hospital for 25hours, why do people want to hang around a hospital for all that time if they don’t have to?!

Don’t tell her when you’re in labour, don’t even tell her baby is here until you’re ready for her to visit because by the sounds of it she’s going to turn up whether you’re ready for her or not!

And no, YANBU for not wanting her waiting around when you’re in labour.

Just don't tell anyone when you go into labour. I got taken in to be induced and the only person except for DH who knew was one of my best friends who was already on the Maternity Ward having given birth the night before, and she was sworn to secrecy!

I’ve just had a baby. He was born nearly 29 hours after we arrived at the hospital. Anyone sitting and waiting would have been extremely bored and uncomfortable by the time there was any news to share! Your DM IBU, ignore her and just don’t tell her when labour starts.

Just don't tell her when you've gone into labour.

Our local hospital is quite strict on labour partners and there is no waiting room. Obviously can't stop you hanging around the on site cafe in the day, but security would chuck you out at night.

If you're not up for fighting about it, make some non committal noises and don't tell her until you're ready for visitors. Most post natal wards are strict on visiting times and numbers too.

She’s being VVU!

I adored my DM but just wanted it to be DH and I at the hospital when DS was being born. MIL made noises about wanting to be there but DH shut her down immediately as we’d discussed it beforehand.

We told them I was in labour and then she DS arrived, but in your case I wouldn’t even tell her you were in labour, just get DH to ring her when baby has arrived.

She just got all huffy and said “you do feel weird about the strangest things!”

Tell her that, strange or not, that's how you feel and her getting huffy isn't going to change it.

My MiL wanted to do this (and I barely knew her). I was surprised, to say the least. Thankfully DH shut that one down immediately. What is it with people who seem to think giving birth is a spectator sport?

You're right to stick to your guns on this. Congratulations on your impending arrival

Your mother is obviously very needy. I believe she will settle down once you have your baby, do be kind to her whilst, at the same time, set your limits. Why does she not see your brother's children?

Don't tell her. Even if you go overdue, tell your DH to keep saying "no news yet"

You just don’t tell her. It’s your baby and always will be. She’s being a bit silly, but you honestly don’t need to worry, she is barely a bit part in all of this.

Odder not to want your mother close to hand, in my opinion, which of course Im entitled to have.