... to not tell my militantly vegan friend she ate fish sauce?

[Snuffalo]

I am a relaxed vegan, as are one of my kids, the other kid and my partner are mostly vegetarian. Basically what that means for me is that I would never spend my own money on animal products, and I wouldn't use them in my own cooking, but if someone else prepares food for me or I'm a guest in someone's home I'll eat what's put in front of me, for the most part - I won't have a sausage or a burger at your barbecue, but I'll eat the pasta salad even if has cheese in it, and I'll have some of your birthday cake even if it's made with eggs.

Anyway, my friend Alice- who is a militant, rather than a relaxed, vegan

• was over and I heated up what I confidently thought to be vegan sweet potato and black bean chilli that my partner had made earlier in the week. I know the recipe backwards and forwards because one of us makes it at least once a month with zero animal products so I had no reason to suspect otherwise. I must say it was especially delicious this time - because, as it turns out, my partner added some fish sauce because he'd read somewhere that it's good in chilli. I didn't find out until today and now I'm wondering if I should tell Alice? I can't decide if, in her shoes, I would want to know or not. Would you?

I don’t think the concept of ‘relaxed veganism’ is that difficult to understand. Everyone is on a continuum between two extremes where one end is strict/militant vegan and the other end is someone who eats meat and animal products frequently and has no intention of changing this.

The vast majority of people will fall somewhere between the two extremes and the OP used a shorthand phrase to describe where she is on this continuum.

The faux outrage on the thread comes across as people unable to see anything in other than simplistic black and white terms.

The vast majority of posters who have been rude either claim to be vegan or are defending those who are.

They’re the ones who have called others twats, thickos, idiots, lazy etc not the other way round.

And they’re the ones who are trying to tell other people what to say and what words they’re ‘allowed’ to use.

Self righteousness at its finest.

Surely it is black and white though? Like you're either vegan or you're not?! (I'm not, btw)

I will accept non-vegan hospitality at my friends' homes and I will eat non-vegan food that my partner or son have prepared if the alternative is that we don't get to eat together and/or it will go to waste otherwise.

Bloody hell, OP, if you're defining veganism this loosely I'm pretty sure I qualify as one! (And I just ate spaghetti bolognese.)

@honeygirlz I never said he chooses to eat strictly halal

Why do some people care so much about people's eating habits fitting into stereotypes, 'testing' their knowledge to find out if they can slate others for not technically being a 'true' vegan or a true Muslim etc?
I eat what I like and like what I eat, end of

Ohnotheinlaws. Exactly! It’s like some weird competition to see who’s the ‘best’ and most virtuous. 🤦‍♀️

@Ohnotheinlaws

honeygirlz I never said he chooses to eat strictly halal hmm

Why do some people care so much about people's eating habits fitting into stereotypes, 'testing' their knowledge to find out if they can slate others for not technically being a 'true' vegan or a true Muslim etc?

You said I just can't face telling him as he would be mortified!

Why would he be ‘mortified’ if he didn’t eat strictly halal?

I eat what I like and like what I eat, end of smile

No one cares what you eat 🙄

If you are tricking your husband into eating non halal food when he only eats halal then you are an awful, awful person.

If your husband doesn’t observe halal then your first post was pointless and a lie.

Ohnottheinlaws. What on earth is the point of your posts?
Genuinely baffled.

My DS is vegan. He's not militant about it at all. He just never eats anything containing animal products, wears nothing contains animal products, and uses nothing containing animal products or tested in animals. He's not at all pushy about his views and is very tolerant of his meat eating siblings. If something is upsetting him he walks away.

I've just discovered something I've been feeding him for the past year is not vegan. I will be telling him they've changed the recipe rather than upset him that he has been eating an animal product.

I eat what I like and like what I eat, end of
But do you pretend to be vegan? I don’t give a shit what others eat, but I get annoyed with people who pretend to be vegan or follow a vegans diet, when they’re clearly not. The reason I get annoyed is because I end up being offered stuff that is clearly not vegan, because of people that for some weird reason want to claim to be something they’re not. I don’t go around telling people I’m vegan and actually don’t like this current trend of activism, because half these youngsters will be chewing on burgers by the time they leave uni or home.

I believe that people should be free to eat what they want but don’t pretend that there’s any virtue in saying they don’t want to be awkward. It’s simply a way of enjoying eating eggs, meat etc while pretending they’re only doing it because they don’t want to be rude.

@LynetteScavo
Your son is lucky that you are so supportive.

And good on him for not only sticking to his principles but respecting the choices of those around him.

@honeygirlz he would be mortified because doesn't eat pork. He says it's is just so unappealing and repulsive to him. Just to be very clear his dietary preference is to not to eat completely halal; he just really doesn't want to eat pork.

Why do I get the feeling you are trying to dramatise it like I'm secretly feeding my husband non halal meat or can you really not open your mind to the idea of a Muslim who doesn't eat halal but doesn't want to eat pork?

S1. Why get so annoyed because someone offers you something you don’t want to eat? There’s a perfectly simple way to deal with that, you just politely say no thank you.

To all the people criticising the OP and saying "you are not really a vegan": you really are not helping your cause.

If people are not allowed to say things like "I eat a vegan diet for the most part, but I will very occasionally eat eggs or dairy so as not to be a pain in the arse", that's not a diet. It's a religion.

And OP, don't tell her. No point.

@Ohnotheinlaws

he would be mortified because doesn't eat pork. He says it's is just so unappealing and repulsive to him. Just to be very clear his dietary preference is to not to eat completely halal; he just really doesn't want to eat pork.

But you also said you have been feeding him beef suet as well has pork gelatine sweets and you can’t face telling him because he would be mortified. And how did you know the Singapore noodles had pork in them? You clearly are deliberately giving him pork products and then not telling him. I don’t care what people eat but it’s wrong to do that and deny someone the choice to refuse to eat something by not telling then what’s in their food.

And then there was your dramatic ‘I eat what I like and it likes me end of’. I don’t see the point of your posts either tbh.

*and I like what I eat end of

We had a vegan dinner tonight.

Am I allowed to say that, vegan police?

(whole grain rice, red lentil dahl with mushrooms & onions, & roasted turnips)

Honey. I very much doubt that ohnotheinlaws is deliberately feeding her DH pork fgs! Why would you jump to that conclusion unless you’re just looking for something to have a dig about.

My point is I wouldn't tell them. And no I am not vegan and the point of my post was to add my own similar story which I thought would be helpful for OP.
There seems to be some very hard judgment on this thread!

@Dorsetdays i agree with you. I only came on here to share my perspective!

@MyGastIsFlabbered, I don't know how you can criticise the OP as you're also a vegan only when it suits you, the same as the op.

In your case you out yuppie life above those of an animal to justify using meds tested on them.

Why is your choice about when not follow it any better than hers?

S1. Why get so annoyed because someone offers you something you don’t want to eat? There’s a perfectly simple way to deal with that, you just politely say no thank you.

Because it’s never as simple as that. I get the “why not? Such’n’such eats XYZ and they’re vegan. What’s wrong with it? You’re just being fussy. Bla bla bla” Then of course there’s the “how do you know someone’s vegan? Hurr hurr hurr, from some numpty. It’s never as straight forward as you think.

@honeygirlz you asked so I am replying. Why ask what the point of my post is if your asking me questions?
I thought for a minute after the first reply to my post that suet may have pork in it. Re-read it. He ate pork gelatine sweets and I chose not to tell him. I agree he should look at the packet.
We ate the noodles from the Chinese which he ordered and right at the end I saw meat that looked and tasted like pork. He had already eaten it or I would have said something.
I'm not force feeding him pork but rather he is a bit ignorant to looking at ingredients so over the years these things have happened. Your really looking for a dig aren't you?

*Ah. So they're not actually vegetarian then. Riiiight.

Have educational standards been slipping a lot? What is difficult to grasp about the concepts of vegetarianism and veganism these days?*

OP clearly means that they mostly eat veggie food and that she mostly eats vegan food. What's so difficult to grasp about that?

S1. I get it all the time, I’m gluten free (not by choice). It doesn’t annoy me one bit I just politely say no thanks and explain why if they ask.

I don’t expect people to understand the ins and outs of what I can and can’t eat. I get that it’s not all about me.

Don’t be silly grumiosmum. Of course that’s a vegan dinner. Lettuce, apples, potatoes,grapes, etc are all vegan, but it doesn’t make you a vegan if you’re going to have a coffee with milk later. See, it’s not that hard to understand.