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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Monsters in law?

105 replies

Monsteres · 15/06/2019 17:05

AIBU to be annoyed that the PIL have decided to "pop in" uninvited!? Got a 3 month old have PND and this isn't just a cup of tea pop in they've driven 12 hours and will have to stay in the house with us, theyve brung their 3 dogs and are always rude to me when visiting (having digs about my weight, the house, our dogs, my cooking etc) and I just don't want them here! We said we'd let them know when we could make a free weekend so they could come visit but they've just decided to come up anywauly, meaning I've had to cancel all our plans for the weekend now, I'm absolutely raging! Is it just the PND or is this out of order?

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 15/06/2019 19:45

I’m just agog at this, who does this?! Particularly to people with a newborn Confused

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/06/2019 19:47

I've got nothing useful to add OP, just to say that this would be one of my very worst nightmares. Shock

Bubblemama · 15/06/2019 19:56

My PILs would be turned away by my DH at the door (if he even answered it) and we wouldn't see them the whole weekend either. Totally entitled and thoughtless of them. I'm so sorry OP, I hope your DH tells them where to go. My ILs are in the business of treating me like a doormat too, am so glad DH finally grew a spine.

Singlenotsingle · 15/06/2019 20:11

Outrageous! I do drop in on my ddil unannounced ,(a 20 minute drive, but she did give me a key!). I don't take the dog and probably stay about an hour.

Ihatehashtags · 15/06/2019 20:14

That’s so so rude. Don’t you date cancel your plans. I’d go out when they arrive and say sorry you needed more notice

pokepoke · 15/06/2019 20:15

This is one of my worst nightmares 😱

I wouldn't necessarily cancel your plans?!

Feel for you OP. This is not what you need with a newborn and PND!

raindeerjumps · 15/06/2019 20:33

Fuck that. Tell them it's not a good time.

Who does this? I wonder how these cheeky fuckers manage to get through day to day life and hold down jobs etc without everyone telling them that they are being total dicks.

Who doesn't just think hmm maybe I'll give them a call and see if it's ok first. Or maybe I'll ask if they'd mind if we stay locally and pop over a few times over a few days.

I'm raging for you op. You're much nicer than I am because they wouldn't make it past the threshold. I would do the same for my own parents in that situation. It's beyond rude to put yourself upon people.

ineedaholidaynow · 15/06/2019 20:36

Single do you not phone DDIL before you arrive? I have a key for DM's house and she lives very close to us but I always phone to check that it is ok to come round.

prawnpatrol · 15/06/2019 20:41

@ineedaholidaynow I was raised to always call and ask, even family. Even as a child/ teen I would always ring my grandparents to ask, and I was very, very close to them and had keys

Nothingsuitsmelikeasuit · 15/06/2019 20:51

I used to live 5 minutes away (maybe less) from my mum and we would still call each other to check it was ok to visit and neither of us traipsed half a pet shop round with us either!

It’s just polite surely to check people are free and also a waste of time of the person you’re visiting is out! (And gross if they’re having sex on the stairs 😆).

makingmammaries · 15/06/2019 21:28

Can’t you all develop gastro-enteritis quickly?

BabyDueDecember2019 · 15/06/2019 21:33

Bizarre!

SpanglyPop · 15/06/2019 21:33

What plans have you had to cancel for this royal visit? Dinner plans= maybe bearable. A wedding = give them a load of shit!

chargedup77 · 15/06/2019 21:41

Did dh have a word? What was the out come xx

MellisaK · 15/06/2019 21:44

I'd be very angry and upset. It just shows a lack of respect for you. Especially when you have a baby!

Lolapusht · 15/06/2019 21:59

Holy mother of God NO! That is horrendous!! Worse bit is, they’ve clearly planned it and decided not to mention it which you’d only do if you knew the answer to “Is it ok if we come to visit?” would be “No” and you weren’t willing to accept that as an answer. Who sets out on a 12 hour drive to visit a newborn with 3 fecking dogs without checking it’s ok?! Have they told you how long they’re staying for??? I’d go ballistic if MIL even thought about rearranging the cupboards Shock

PepsiLola · 15/06/2019 22:16

How bloody rude to invite yourselves to stay at someone's who have a new baby!!!

wibbletooth · 16/06/2019 06:49

You have a new baby and PND - - you have the perfect excuse to really really blow your top at them and say the truth - because if they complain about you doing so, you (/DH/others) can turn around and say well what do you bloody expect - I have/had anew baby and PND, for the first time we had some gentle plans to do xxx that I was looking forwards to and instead you turned up, I had to cancel those plans and put up with a load of criticism and wittering from you not to mention deal with the consequences of your dogs here unsettling our dogs when they are already trying to get used to the baby, and not be able to relax and catch up in my sleep because you’re so bloody nosy and rude. You knew we had plans because you weren’t invited this weekend. But you decided we didn’t matter and barged in anyway. You don’t care about us, you’re just being so selfish and it’s all about you you you’.

Another line to drop in that I’ve found works well is that you’re so disappointed in them - you had really hoped they were better than that but never in your worst nightmares did you think that they were capable of doing something to unloving and selfish to you.

How did it go yesterday? What had dh said to them - did they come to your house and bully their way in or did he manage to persuade them to turn around and leave?

NoSauce · 16/06/2019 07:19

Have they done this before? It’s such an odd thing to do, do they usually just turn up with the dogs? I don’t care who it was and how far they’d travelled, they wouldn’t be staying.

ThanosSavedMe · 16/06/2019 08:04

What happened yesterday op? Are you ok?

SurfingGiantess · 16/06/2019 08:14

Op are you still there? Hope they didn't do anything to you.
I do hope you've unleashed your fury. I'd not cancel plans and is stay in my bedroom with the baby as you're "Not well" or something and you want to bond with your baby. He can sort them.

Original poster
Monsteres · 16/06/2019 16:22

So.......
After losing my shit at DH just cos, they're not staying in the house there sorting their own food out etc and DH has put them to work in the garden cutting grass and De weeding while I'm upstairs with DS who's napping while I eat some chocolates the PIL brought, taking it as a win!! Thanks guys!x

OP posts:
SurfingGiantess · 16/06/2019 16:25

Yay! Win! They hopefully won't be doing that again. 😁

BogglesGoggles · 16/06/2019 16:30

Well done!

MellisaK · 16/06/2019 18:12

Congrats! A Win!