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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Monsters in law?

105 replies

Monsteres · 15/06/2019 17:05

AIBU to be annoyed that the PIL have decided to "pop in" uninvited!? Got a 3 month old have PND and this isn't just a cup of tea pop in they've driven 12 hours and will have to stay in the house with us, theyve brung their 3 dogs and are always rude to me when visiting (having digs about my weight, the house, our dogs, my cooking etc) and I just don't want them here! We said we'd let them know when we could make a free weekend so they could come visit but they've just decided to come up anywauly, meaning I've had to cancel all our plans for the weekend now, I'm absolutely raging! Is it just the PND or is this out of order?

OP posts:
MaybeitsMaybelline · 15/06/2019 17:55

They’ve driven 12 hours without warning, there will be nine, yes nine, dogs in the house with yours and theirs.

Where on earth do you live? Is this Australia, are the dogs outside in the yard or actually all in the house? This sounds awful, terribly bogan.

Gets yourself dressed and ready and bugger off for the weekend and leave them and your Dh to it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/06/2019 17:58

I wouldn’t cancel any plans, or leave them in the house.

Original poster
Monsteres · 15/06/2019 18:07

#MaybeitsMaybelline not aus Scotland, don't appreciate being called a bogan, maybe if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all?

OP posts:
toriathet · 15/06/2019 18:12

me personally i would be turning them away at the door with a strong telling off for being cheeky fuckers and having the pig headed cheek to just turn up with our asking but im a strong willed cow and take no shit off anyone,but if you have no where to stay for a few days i would be booking you and baby in a travel lodge or similar

WhatchaMaCalllit · 15/06/2019 18:12

@Monsteres - have they arrived yet? I would have to say the whatever about them coming in to the house, there is zero possibility of the dogs being allowed.

Best of luck to you with this.

sergeilavrov · 15/06/2019 18:14

Wow. They sound... interesting. Not unreasonable at all. In your shoes, dh would be turning them away outside and we wouldn't see them that weekend at all - no rewarding unthoughtful behaviour, regardless of whether we had plans. Your son is young, so he won't know whether they visited or not. Ultimately, if they choose not to learn their lesson, they are depriving him of a relationship with them -- not you. I'm so sorry to hear about your pnd, the weekend can still be a happy family one - there is always a way forward and up Flowers

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 15/06/2019 18:21

My MIL and her partner have done this (only a couple of weeks ago!).

Didn't tell us, just had a message saying they're nearly here. Unfortunately for them my DP was abroad for work and I was also away visiting family so they turned up to an empty house and ended up having to book a hotel which wasn't cheap because we live in London.

MIL has been ranting about how we've cost them so much money as far as I'm concerned it's their own bloody fault and next time they should message and we can sort something out.

Fundays12 · 15/06/2019 18:23

Why are you changing your plans? Carry on with your plans, take the baby with you if you had planned to do that and let your dh entertain them.

Malyshek · 15/06/2019 18:26

sergeilavrov love your username, I hope you're not the real one Grin

MummyParanoia101 · 15/06/2019 18:29

Just say "Oh I'm sorry unfortunately we're going away for the weekend! Yeah! Sorry about that but maybe another time??"

MachineBee · 15/06/2019 18:30

WhenISnapped - brilliant! Serves them right. Utter daft ness to travel a long way unannounced and then expect people to be in. So glad you were out.

sergeilavrov · 15/06/2019 18:32

@malyshek Haha thank you. I think Mumsnet is an excellent downtime from running foreign policy Wink

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/06/2019 18:35

Don’t let them in. They won’t leave! If you go along with this they know putting you on the spot works and will continue to bully you into visits you don’t want and have already declined.

You have enough on your plate as it is, this will tip you over the edge OP. Your baby only needs you and your husband, he doesn’t need a relationship with these inconsiderate arseholes at this point in his life. If they gave two shits about you they’d have waited to be invited.

Do not let them in.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/06/2019 18:36

Serves them right WhenISnappedAndFarted

I hope you’ve told MIL to wind her bloody neck in and take responsibility for her own shoddy decisions?

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 15/06/2019 18:41

WhenISnappedAndFarted - perhaps I have a sadistic streak in me, but it gave me untold pleasure to read your comment. I do love it when a CF gets their comeuppance, however unwitting the cause! Bet they won't be doing that again in a hurry. And if they're so clueless as to fail to learn a lesson from this, you know what to do if there's ever a repetition!

Who the hell do these people think they are?

RandomMess · 15/06/2019 18:41

ConfusedAngry no one would think this was ok, ever!!!

I would not be cancelling plans... can you make some new ones for you and DS to go stay with your parents or some friends?

avacadooo · 15/06/2019 18:56

Get a tent and set it up for them in your back garden and tell them it's the best you can do at short notice!

ineedaholidaynow · 15/06/2019 19:13

What would happen if you weren't in?

TougheningUp · 15/06/2019 19:24

Don't answer the door. If you do answer the door, don't let them in. If they do come in, don't let their dogs in, and tell them they cannot stay.

If your partner does not back you up, get in the car with your baby and go to a hotel if there's one within a reasonable drive. If there's no hotel you can go to, tell them very clearly that they are not welcome to stay and you do not want them there, and then take your baby to bed with you and leave your partner to deal with them.

They have no right to visit you like this, and you do not have to accommodate them. Set boundaries now, or you will have a lifetime of trouble with them.

HolesinTheSoles · 15/06/2019 19:27

Your DH needs to put his foot down. No way would I stand for that.

mariabs · 15/06/2019 19:30

No thats NOT ok

foreverhanging · 15/06/2019 19:37

This is insane. My dh would tell his parents to do one if they did this.

Mumma626 · 15/06/2019 19:37

Have they arrived? I really need to know how this ends! How rude of them to just turn up.
I would do what has been mentioned before. Get yourself a both dressed up and ready to go out and just as they park up leave the house to go out. Even if you don’t have anywhere to go xx

Star81 · 15/06/2019 19:40

I would be furious too. Nothing to do with PND just a case of extremely bad manners and no thought or consideration to anyone apart from themselves

UpsydaisyandIgglePiggleareatit · 15/06/2019 19:42

Argh!!! This is my worst nightmare ever. I wouldn’t open the door. DH knows his life wouldn’t be worth living if he opened it!
Really hope your DH tells them to bugger off! Don’t cancel your plans. They need to learn its completely unacceptable to just show up. Let us know how it goes!!!