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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lack of gratitude for school fair donations

98 replies

RebeccaAnnie · 14/06/2019 13:53

Yesterday I was really triggered. Am I being unreasonable, to be angry at a teachers’ comment to my son? Should I write a factual or scathing letter to this teacher? What does it achieve to challenge one of your kids’s teachers? Does it just set them up for even more verbal abuse?
So it was School Fair donations week. In order to have the privilege of not wearing school uniform on Monday, students could bring in donations or pay ÂŁ2.50 on the day. In return for donations their name would be removed from a list showing that they donated items.
It rained all week, all week, lashed out of the heavens. Shoes didn’t even dry properly from the day before so they had damp feet all week. The kids have heavy rucksacks and although they get a lift most of the way they are not keen to carry heavy loads of extra stuff for the school fair. I disagreed with the £2.50 charge for not wearing a school uniform, I think, on principle this is excessive.
Parents are told not to park in the school car park under any circumstances (otherwise I could fill my boot with stuff for the school fair!)
I gave my boy, 4 books, 1 puzzle & 1 bottle of beer. Off he trotted into the line with his bag of stuff. His good friend had nothing with him to donate. My son gave his mate half of what he had. Then my son handed over his bottle to the very keen helpful student in charge of storing bottles. When my son got to the top of the queue to have his name crossed off the list, he had 2 small items left in his hand. His mate had 2 medium sized books.

The teacher shouted at my son “I HOPE YOU BROUGHT MORE THAN THAT SMALL AMOUNT”. My son was embarrassed and angry and shared this with me later in the day.
What springs to my mind is that Guardian advert with the skinhead and the building site.

This teacher didn’t see 1) that my son had already handed over the bottle donation 2) that he shared his donations with his friend. Also how does that teacher know what any child has available at home to bring in or whether they have £2.50 available to give….. how does that teacher know any individual childs’ circumstances?
Instead of a THANK YOU. He was barked out by a senior member of staff. Embarassed and humiliated to be singled out for “not giving enough”. He was doing 2 good things 1) donating 2) sharing.
This is a Christian school. Everything is about values, good Christian living. Yes this teacher is miserable and negative towards the youth under his command.
I have given it a lot of energy. The situation has annoyed me but is there really any point in taking this up with the teacher directly?

OP posts:
ceirrno · 14/06/2019 13:57

I'm equally shocked at ÂŁ2.50 and the teachers attitude. Might just be his word against theirs though.

Lifeisabeach09 · 14/06/2019 13:58

YANBU.
What if you'd been too poor to donate anything or had nothing to donate?!
And ÂŁ2.50 is excessive, imo.

PS Wish someone would donate me a beer! Haha

Angrybird123 · 14/06/2019 14:02

Other than the ÂŁ2.50 being a bit much the rest of your post is bonkers. What on earth have wet feet and car parks got to with it? Why didn't he just say oh there's that bottle too I just gave to the student helper? Absolutely do not go off on one about this. Kids are notorious for saying they got a bollocking when they've been mildly reprimanded so it is possible your child is exaggerating. Also this teacher was dealing with an admin task in the rain when he probably has classes to prepare for etc.

AChickenCalledKorma · 14/06/2019 14:02

Having a queue so that a teacher can scrutinise and comment on donations seems pretty dubious in itself. Plonking them on a table is more the norm round here.

Pipandmum · 14/06/2019 14:02

She probably didn’t shout at him, but she did embarrass him. I think I’d mention it to the head. Not to make a big deal of it but if you see him/her and he asks how your child is doing you could mention it. But it’s also a lesson for your child - he knows that he did the right thing, and that is not always acknowledged. You can tell him you are proud of his actions (I’m sure you did).

codemonkey · 14/06/2019 14:05

Wow. I really don't get some schools. My son's is so respectful of families' circumstances, completely understanding that not everyone is able to give freely. This would never happen. And nor is there a list of pupils who do/do not donate. How bizarre.

Cheerybigbottom · 14/06/2019 14:07

Actually that's fucking terrible behaviour. Ds's school is doing a donation non uniform day today for school fair. He's taken in a ÂŁ2 bucket and spade set (theme was summer).

There was no lower donation limit and I know lots of kids will bring in less and lots will bring much more. It's absolutely not on to make your child or any child feel they haven't done enough.

PopWentTheWeasel · 14/06/2019 14:08

I would take it up with the head teacher. If that was all your child could bring in, the school should still be grateful, so it's less about "they didn't see what else he brought" than "this is how they treat children who are perceived to have given little". The teacher in this context is representing the school. I'd be horrified if a teacher said that to my child. I'm sure there's a suitable bible passage that you could quote about being meek and offering what you can.

NannyR · 14/06/2019 14:13

I think it's really bad of the school to be checking off names against donations. Usually when primary schools do these donations for non-uniform things, you just chuck your money in a bucket or put your bottle/chocs act in a box in the playground - if you can't afford to donate, you can slip through without anyone noticing. That's the point I would bring up with the school if I were you

Antigon · 14/06/2019 14:13

His attitude was horrible but why was the alternative to a car boot full of stuff you could have given away to just 4 books and a bottle of beer?

Don't get me wrong what you sent is fine, but surely if you had a car boot full's worth of stuff to give away your DS could have taken one or two Bag For Life's worth of stuff?

Sunshineface123 · 14/06/2019 14:17

Did you actually hear her say that? If so that's awful and yes an email to the head to highlight this would be fine. However, if you didn't actually hear and this is some your son has reported I'd tread very carefully. Young children can get mixed up and I'd be really surprised if it was said or meant in the tone you have described.
ÂŁ2.50 is loads for non uniform too I though ÂŁ1 was standard!

RB68 · 14/06/2019 14:18

Not on foot in this weather though

HollyGoLoudly1 · 14/06/2019 14:19

I work in a school. I dislike non-uniform days at the best of times. It's almost a competitive sport for some of the kids, days spent coordinating with their friends and small fortunes spent on entire new outfits. Some of our less fortunate pupils come down 'unwell' on every non-uniform day and I don't blame them. Even from the teachers side, behavior across the board takes a nose dive as apparently wearing jeans to school is the most exciting thing that has happened ever Confused.

I especially hate when they are used as a money making scheme. ÂŁ2.50 is excessive. Scrutinising and judging donations is awful. YANBU.

mummyhaschangedhername · 14/06/2019 14:22

I always hate the posts criticising teachers but in this case I agree with you. What a horrible attitude. I would hate to think what she would have said had his friend brought nothing.

3boysandabump · 14/06/2019 14:24

If my dc school did that I'd just send them with sod all next time. But I'm petty and if the teacher commented on it my dc would just shrug and say my mam didn't send anything.

Pinkmouse6 · 14/06/2019 14:31

Wow, it’s always £1 at my DC’s school. I have three in school so £2.50 would be £7.50 Shock. That’s way too excessive.

His donations were fine. He should have explained to the teacher that he’d already handed a bottle in but never mind, it’s done now. She shouldn’t have shouted and embarrassed him and I agree, they should be grateful for anything.

mumwon · 14/06/2019 14:32

was the school catholic? I can remember nuns being like this (decades ago) about missionary donations...

citykat · 14/06/2019 14:33

All donations for fair are placed in bags in foyer of school- no ticking off names etc, so no embarrassment and no compulsion. All voluntary. Is this in the UK? Very odd system. Well done your boy for sharing.

CadburysTastesVileNow · 14/06/2019 14:43

If payment from pupils is enforced, then the recipient cannot claim gift aid / gift aid under the small payments scheme in relation to the income. Maybe mention that?

BenWillbondsPants · 14/06/2019 14:43

I'm a teacher so often a bit 'meh' about stuff like this. However, I'd be all fucking over this. I'm cross on your DS's behalf.

LolaSmiles · 14/06/2019 14:43

I think there's a lot of irrelevant information there and don't get me started on claims of being 'triggered' and wanting to write a scathing letter vs a factual one (as that alone suggests you're willing to exaggerate to prove some point).

It was lovely your DC shared his donation.
Checking off against donations is a bit unusual and not really fitting for the event.

I would reserve judgement before deciding that your child has been screamed at. I'd be a millionaire if I had a pound every time I've heard a student incorrectly use the words screamed/shouted/in my face etc. And your reaction to this, if shown to your child may well have sent the message now that if you exaggerate then mum goes mad with school.

I would advise you arrange to speak calmly and sensibly to school about how your child was upset about a comment from the teacher and that they had shared their donation and already given part to the person in charge of bottles. Keep it calm and factual and reasonable.

saraclara · 14/06/2019 14:46

Ticking off names to make sure everyone donates? That in itself is appalling, and I've never heard of that before. And absolutely the teacher shouldn't have made any comment on what he brought. Retired teacher here. It's unusual and it's wrong.

pepperpot99 · 14/06/2019 14:47

Did you actually hear the member of staff "shouting"? it's more than likely that your ds has embellished his story more than a little.

In answer to your OP, no it's absolutely not worth turning this into a huge deal. You seem to be blaming the teacher for the rain as well which is extremely weird.

saraclara · 14/06/2019 14:48

Keep it calm and factual and reasonable.

Yes. And brief. Being concise is key to any communication with schools. They don't have time to read anything other than the key points of a dispute.

happybunny007 · 14/06/2019 14:50

Triggered about what? Confused