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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lack of gratitude for school fair donations

98 replies

RebeccaAnnie · 14/06/2019 13:53

Yesterday I was really triggered. Am I being unreasonable, to be angry at a teachers’ comment to my son? Should I write a factual or scathing letter to this teacher? What does it achieve to challenge one of your kids’s teachers? Does it just set them up for even more verbal abuse?
So it was School Fair donations week. In order to have the privilege of not wearing school uniform on Monday, students could bring in donations or pay £2.50 on the day. In return for donations their name would be removed from a list showing that they donated items.
It rained all week, all week, lashed out of the heavens. Shoes didn’t even dry properly from the day before so they had damp feet all week. The kids have heavy rucksacks and although they get a lift most of the way they are not keen to carry heavy loads of extra stuff for the school fair. I disagreed with the £2.50 charge for not wearing a school uniform, I think, on principle this is excessive.
Parents are told not to park in the school car park under any circumstances (otherwise I could fill my boot with stuff for the school fair!)
I gave my boy, 4 books, 1 puzzle & 1 bottle of beer. Off he trotted into the line with his bag of stuff. His good friend had nothing with him to donate. My son gave his mate half of what he had. Then my son handed over his bottle to the very keen helpful student in charge of storing bottles. When my son got to the top of the queue to have his name crossed off the list, he had 2 small items left in his hand. His mate had 2 medium sized books.

The teacher shouted at my son “I HOPE YOU BROUGHT MORE THAN THAT SMALL AMOUNT”. My son was embarrassed and angry and shared this with me later in the day.
What springs to my mind is that Guardian advert with the skinhead and the building site.

This teacher didn’t see 1) that my son had already handed over the bottle donation 2) that he shared his donations with his friend. Also how does that teacher know what any child has available at home to bring in or whether they have £2.50 available to give….. how does that teacher know any individual childs’ circumstances?
Instead of a THANK YOU. He was barked out by a senior member of staff. Embarassed and humiliated to be singled out for “not giving enough”. He was doing 2 good things 1) donating 2) sharing.
This is a Christian school. Everything is about values, good Christian living. Yes this teacher is miserable and negative towards the youth under his command.
I have given it a lot of energy. The situation has annoyed me but is there really any point in taking this up with the teacher directly?

OP posts:
MorondelaFrontera · 14/06/2019 17:27

herculepoirot2

you might be up for a fight, but I can't be bothered, so I won't bite Smile

Bluntness100 · 14/06/2019 17:32

How old is your son? I'm wondering if this is a case of lost in translation. Are you really sure the teacher shouted. Or that's exactly what was said? Or could your son have embellished and then you've embellished even further?

I ask because I don't see the relevance of the wet school shoes. The raining all week, the triggering, and how you really wish to donate a whole boot full of stuff.

This all seems a bit drama llama, which makes me wonder if the teacher shouting and what he said is too.

00100001 · 14/06/2019 17:33

"When i had 3 DCs in primary all at once 'just' a donation of £3.50, for example, turned into nearly £15"

Last time I checked, £3.50 X 3 = £10.50 ...

herculepoirot2 · 14/06/2019 17:35

MorondelaFrontera

😂

Orangeballon · 14/06/2019 17:45

Why bother, you obviously have very little to worry about.

PetrichorRain · 14/06/2019 17:48

Is it really only a pound still? It was a pound 25 years ago when I was at school so £2.50 doesn’t seem that excessive to me.

perfectstorm · 14/06/2019 17:49

I can still remember a teacher asking every child whose parents hadn't sent in money to donate for the charity that term to stand up. It was a state school, and we were about 8 or 9.

My mum was very generous usually, but for whatever reason, that wasn't a charity she supported, so she'd chosen not to donate. The teacher, conversely, was clearly a very big fan. So I had to stand up.

Mum took it up with the head, who agreed with her. Never happened again. But even now, more than 35 years later, it makes me angry. Kids aren't responsible for what their parents can or will donate, and a school has no right to feel entitled to parental donations, either.

YANBU.

rose789 · 14/06/2019 17:50

Or your child is as much of a drama llama as you are and the teacher didn’t actually do anything wrong and he just chose to be “triggered” too Angry

perfectstorm · 14/06/2019 17:58

Surely the OP meant 'set off' by triggered - that it annoyed her - not that she's claiming it caused psychiatric hurt? I think it's a word that's being diluted more and more, to the point many don't realise the origin. And it would be very over the top to use it that way here. Find it hard to believe that was her meaning.

chuckyeggtimestwo · 14/06/2019 18:02

“triggered” nowadays is slang/teen-speak for being angry.

just to clarify (i have 2 teens)!

herculepoirot2 · 14/06/2019 18:05

chuckyeggtimestw

Which is because some muppets have started using the language of psychotherapy to describe normal emotions Hmm

TSSDNCOP · 14/06/2019 18:12

Thanks chucky that bit had me stumped.

jennymanara · 14/06/2019 18:40

If you want wet shoes to dry overnight, put crumpled up newspaper in them.

YouokHun · 14/06/2019 22:17

‘Triggered’? Like others I can’t get past that.

SD1978 · 14/06/2019 22:22

Triggered what exactly? A very over used word. It was nice that your son shared. 90% of your post has no baring on the issue. If the teacher was genuinely that rude then absolutely that should be addressed- I would ask the head to investigate, and also maybe see about changing the amount required as that seems very excessive. Maybe his friends parent preferred to pay the £2.50 and that's why they hadn't donated though? I think your level of upset if in excess of what the situation needs though. Hope you feel better getting it all out.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 14/06/2019 22:26

Teenagers get triggered so easily these days. Maybe the DC needs counselling?

Xmas2020 · 14/06/2019 22:34

My kids school ask for 50P voluntary donation and are fantastic. I think you have every right to be annoyed, greedy school.

3boysandabump · 15/06/2019 13:54

*Shoes didn’t even dry properly from the day before so they had damp feet all week.

I am shocked that the poor kids only have 1 pair of shoes!*

My dc only have 1 pair of school shoes each

jennymanara · 15/06/2019 16:38

I am more surprised that OP does not know that you need to put crumpled up newspaper into shoes so they will dry for the next day.

Bluerussian · 15/06/2019 19:37

jennymanara, I didn't know that either though it does seem to be common sense. I used to put them in the airing cupboard.

Antigon · 15/06/2019 21:50

Ugh hate the threads where the OP doesn’t come back, so arrogant.

stepup123 · 15/06/2019 21:58

Aww, your poor boy. He sounds like a lovely little boy. I'm appalled by the teachers behaviour- her check list of donations and humiliating your son like that. What if your son couldn't have brought anything in? Or any other child for that matter. Would she like to be humiliated that way in front of others? I doubt it very much.

PonderingPanda · 15/06/2019 22:10

@Antigon - so very unchristian of the OP

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