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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lack of gratitude for school fair donations

98 replies

RebeccaAnnie · 14/06/2019 13:53

Yesterday I was really triggered. Am I being unreasonable, to be angry at a teachers’ comment to my son? Should I write a factual or scathing letter to this teacher? What does it achieve to challenge one of your kids’s teachers? Does it just set them up for even more verbal abuse?
So it was School Fair donations week. In order to have the privilege of not wearing school uniform on Monday, students could bring in donations or pay £2.50 on the day. In return for donations their name would be removed from a list showing that they donated items.
It rained all week, all week, lashed out of the heavens. Shoes didn’t even dry properly from the day before so they had damp feet all week. The kids have heavy rucksacks and although they get a lift most of the way they are not keen to carry heavy loads of extra stuff for the school fair. I disagreed with the £2.50 charge for not wearing a school uniform, I think, on principle this is excessive.
Parents are told not to park in the school car park under any circumstances (otherwise I could fill my boot with stuff for the school fair!)
I gave my boy, 4 books, 1 puzzle & 1 bottle of beer. Off he trotted into the line with his bag of stuff. His good friend had nothing with him to donate. My son gave his mate half of what he had. Then my son handed over his bottle to the very keen helpful student in charge of storing bottles. When my son got to the top of the queue to have his name crossed off the list, he had 2 small items left in his hand. His mate had 2 medium sized books.

The teacher shouted at my son “I HOPE YOU BROUGHT MORE THAN THAT SMALL AMOUNT”. My son was embarrassed and angry and shared this with me later in the day.
What springs to my mind is that Guardian advert with the skinhead and the building site.

This teacher didn’t see 1) that my son had already handed over the bottle donation 2) that he shared his donations with his friend. Also how does that teacher know what any child has available at home to bring in or whether they have £2.50 available to give….. how does that teacher know any individual childs’ circumstances?
Instead of a THANK YOU. He was barked out by a senior member of staff. Embarassed and humiliated to be singled out for “not giving enough”. He was doing 2 good things 1) donating 2) sharing.
This is a Christian school. Everything is about values, good Christian living. Yes this teacher is miserable and negative towards the youth under his command.
I have given it a lot of energy. The situation has annoyed me but is there really any point in taking this up with the teacher directly?

OP posts:
lola006 · 14/06/2019 15:55

I just don’t like the whole list aspect. I’m a PTA chair and the person parents and students hand their donations to on non-uniform day. We keep no list and are well aware some children come in with no donation. Actually, what frustrates me is when parents justify their small donation because they’re worried I’ll be cross - I just quietly say it’s fine and we appreciate anything.

I’d be going after the whole list thing, OP.

herculepoirot2 · 14/06/2019 15:57

To be fair, if it was up to me, there would be no residential, no mufty days, school-branded everything so there could be no expensive equipment or clothing, no phones.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 14/06/2019 15:58

List -not ok
Shouting- not ok
Making a judgement of how much a child brings in- not ok

Rain and wet feet -meh

Being triggered by all this - completely bonkers

Laiste · 14/06/2019 15:58

@herculepoirot2 i agree completely.

When i had 3 DCs in primary all at once 'just' a donation of £3.50, for example, turned into nearly £15. That's A LOT when you're struggling a bit. It's every couple of weeks as well. Not quite so bad if it's raising money for the actual school because they're skint - but this enforced charity giving gets on my tits i must admit.

Now i've only got one DC in shcool. But this week alone we've been asked for a donation towards the fete, £5 towards a sleepover at school - something DD isn't even keen to do and £5 per child towards the pump in the school pool. Imagine if i had still had 3 there! Getting on for 40 quid!!

MorondelaFrontera · 14/06/2019 15:59

Shoes didn’t even dry properly from the day before so they had damp feet all week.

I am shocked that the poor kids only have 1 pair of shoes!

QueSera · 14/06/2019 15:59

YA definitely NBU

Horrible teacher

tempester28 · 14/06/2019 16:00

Surely a £1 for non uniform day and all donations should be - not quite annoymous but there should be no list that for sure. I would let the teacher know that your son was upset. They need to change their policy

Butchyrestingface · 14/06/2019 16:01

Yesterday I was really triggered

You lost me at the first sentence.

Don’t for Gawd’s sake say/write that in any complaint.

JemSynergy · 14/06/2019 16:01

Ticking pupils names off a list once they've donated wouldn't sit well with me and it would be something I would raise at our school's parent forum meeting. Most children won't question authority so I don't understand the posters who say he should have just said that he'd donated more. It's irrelevant anyway because a donation is a donation no matter how big or small. I refuse to hand in money for mufti days because we have far too many.

herculepoirot2 · 14/06/2019 16:01

Laiste

Absolutely. I would be writing to the Head every time I donated money, giving the cumulative total and pointing out how much that would represent from the food budget of a family on minimum wage. We aren’t, and could probably stretch to it, but that doesn’t help little Bobby or Emma, who either have to go without the basics at home or feel humiliated at school. Angry

INeedAFlerken · 14/06/2019 16:09

Appalling to ask for that much and have queues to check what children have brought in.Appalling and wrong. I would complain. And I didn't even get to the alleged shouting at your child!

I would actually complain to OFSTED on what you've described here.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 14/06/2019 16:13

Dear mr x
My son Jonny was upset today because he said he was made to feel that his donation was inadequate. He had already handed in a bottle and shared his donation with his friend who did not have anything.
Can I please request that in future there is no list or scrutiny of donations as not all families can afford it and this can be humiliating and stressful
Yours
I would send it only to the person who allegedly shouted at your son, keep it brief

AguerosAngel · 14/06/2019 16:22

Triggered??? Oh dear....

If you really must then you need to speak to the teacher privately and calmly. It’s highly likely that there is some exaggeration on your DS part here. My DA is prone to the same and I got my fingers burnt once when he was in Y1 after I took his word for something.

Always, always clarify with the teacher exactly what has gone on, before creating drama.

kealey1977 · 14/06/2019 16:31

Pepperpot99 😂😂😂

TSSDNCOP · 14/06/2019 16:38

How is this incident “triggering”?

Sit your lad down and explain what he did was nice and more than enough and sometimes, like this, adults get it wrong.

On a more broad note, write to the school and say the system they’d put in place, plus the costs were not in keeping with the ethos of the school. You could even make some suggestions to get something positive out of it.

CadburysTastesVileNow · 14/06/2019 16:58

Is it the school or the PTA doing the fund-raising, OP? And is the latter a charity?

If the donation is supposed to be in support of a charity, then it must be a true DONATION - ie, given without strings attached. If the donors are getting something in return (such as the right to wear own clothes), then the £2.50s are not donations. That whole income stream is tainted insofar as being eligible for tax relief.

HMRC makes it very clear that the right to wear mufti must be extended to all pupils, not just those who pay. Something to bear in mind ...

MorondelaFrontera · 14/06/2019 17:01

How is this incident “triggering”?

It caused offence, and a new thread on MN bringing many posters to be offended on the OP's behalf.

MorondelaFrontera · 14/06/2019 17:03

would be writing to the Head every time I donated money, giving the cumulative total and pointing out how much that would represent from the food budget of a family on minimum wage.

Grin Grin Grin

I hope the Head replied every single time with a copy of the budget and how much resources they have and are expected to give a decent education to your little darling.

herculepoirot2 · 14/06/2019 17:15

MorondelaFrontera

That’s not really the point, is it? Expecting the parents of children in poverty to subsidise the education system isn’t okay.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 14/06/2019 17:22

Isn't this how nice 'Christian' schools do better? They only 'select' children from nice families who contribute to the school.

The word gets round pretty quick what is expected.

Al203 · 14/06/2019 17:22

There are some appalling teachers around.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 14/06/2019 17:22

As you say its a Christian school, if you do write you could quote the Bible Story of The Widow's Mite, Mark 12 42-44,

MorondelaFrontera · 14/06/2019 17:23

No one is expecting anything of the sort herculepoirot2

children in poverty as you call them are heavily subsidised by everyone else, you should know that if you had a child at school. Why do you think school are trying so hard to make sure parents who are entitled to free school meal actually claim them for the youngest ones, instead of relying on universal school meals for a start?
funding...

I am sure you will come back to say the school was neglectful or something similar Grin Grin Grin

LolaSmiles · 14/06/2019 17:25

I would actually complain to OFSTED on what you've described here
Ofsted wont care and the first question they will ask is whether the parent has tried to resolve with the school.

If OP wishes to raise it she needs to be calm, reasonable and factual.

I never understand the call Ofsted, demand to see the governors advice on here. It really doesn't help parents resolve issues with schools.

herculepoirot2 · 14/06/2019 17:25

children in poverty as you call them are heavily subsidised by everyone else,

Said with all your usual compassion and charm.