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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are not scared of death - what is your reason?

292 replies

Vilanelle · 14/06/2019 09:38

For me, I am petrified of the idea. I wouldn't say it consumes me but if I do think about it, a wave of panic goes through me.

Do you think it is like birth - you don't know about it?

I had a dream last night that I was in a car accident and it felt like I could feel the life drawing out of me.

I can't wrap my head around the thought of not having any thoughts and just being nothing.

I would like to become more at peace with the though of dying, after all no one is getting out of here alive!

Tell me about your thoughts on death?

OP posts:
Terrysyogurt · 14/06/2019 09:42

I was weirdly reassured by something someone said on here, they said there was nothing scary about the millions of years before I excisted so probably nothing scary about the millions of years after too. I find this strangely comforting.

Original poster
Vilanelle · 14/06/2019 09:44

But you weren't created during the millions of years before....Now we have been through life. Where do all our memories go and thoughts?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 14/06/2019 09:45

I am terrified of death too. Not the dying part but the things I'd leave behind.
I often think how my DC would cope in their lives, the thought of not being hear if they need help.
When they are adults in their own lifes, I won't fear death as much, I want to stay on this earth until they're sorted.

sheshootssheimplores · 14/06/2019 09:45

I’m not a great fan of living so dying is absolutely fine with me. I’d rather it was quick and painless but I suspect few are.

IAmcuriousyellow · 14/06/2019 09:45

I don’t fear death itself, but I do fear dying in pain

EmeraldShamrock · 14/06/2019 09:45

*here

QueenBeee · 14/06/2019 09:46

Well assuming you live into your 80s I think once your faculties fade it could be a blessed relief.

tearinmybeer · 14/06/2019 09:46

Death is gonna be great. Dying? Probably not so much.

Darkstar4855 · 14/06/2019 09:47

I wasn’t scared of death until I had my son, now the idea of leaving him does upset me a bit. Once you’re dead you’re not suffering and you don’t know anything about it so what’s to be scared of?

Butchyrestingface · 14/06/2019 09:47

I don’t fear death, it’s the dying part. There have been times in my life I’ve been greatly cheered up by the thought that one day I shall die.

Alsohuman · 14/06/2019 09:47

I’ve dodged the bullet a couple of times and it doesn’t frighten me at all. Being in pain or living with dementia terrifies me.

I love the inscription on Freddie Starr’s coffin: Return to sender.

CheerfulPotato · 14/06/2019 09:48

Your thoughts and memories don’t “go” anywhere because they’re created by your brain and your brain is dead like the rest of you.

I think a PP was referring to a Mark Twain quote - I’ll try to find it....

MyOpinionIsValid · 14/06/2019 09:49

Depends how you die doesn’t it?

Given a choice I d rather slip away in my sleep then some horrendous death like burning, drowning, falling with extreme pain.

People with faith generally don’t fear death. Of course there will now be a slew of poster wittering on about 'sky fairies', but my opinion is you do what ever it takes to get you through life and belief systems don't generally impact on other people so there is no need to ridicule them for it. To make it clear, I'm not suggesting you become a fully paid up member of your local congregation!

StreetwiseHercules · 14/06/2019 09:49

It’s part of life and either way it’s going to be fine. If there’s an afterlife, great. If there isn’t, the experience we will have will be exactly like the billions of years before we were born.

CheerfulPotato · 14/06/2019 09:50

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”

Chesntoots · 14/06/2019 09:50

I'm not scared of death. Like others have said - I'm scared of a long, slow painful death.

Life isn't particularly great for me so moving on doesn't bother me.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/06/2019 09:50

I think wasting so much mental energy worrying about something no one can avoid is just silly and self-defeating. Life is short enough already. Worrying about death and dying prevents you from really living.

Butchyrestingface · 14/06/2019 09:50

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it”

I like that. Grin

cheeseislife8 · 14/06/2019 09:51

I think it's fear of the unknown for many, as nobody truly knows what happens. I personally don't fear death, it's getting old and dependant that really scares me

SudowoodoVoodoo · 14/06/2019 09:51

I don't like the thought of my loved ones being bereaved, but the thought of actually being dead doesn't bother me. The process of dying depends on circumstances. Fading away at the natural conclusion to your life after a short illness is quite a good way to go.

I lost my dad suddenly when I was a child. He wouldn't have had much time to worry about it which is comforting for him, minutes if that, but losing someone suddenly and prematurely is a harder bereavement.

Having a hard bereavement at a young age has made me quite matter of fact about mortality.

What I can do is have a fulfilling life and make sure that I can pull a good crowd to laugh through the tears at my funeral. I want it to be a good party. Smile

TixieLix · 14/06/2019 09:51

I don't give death a thought. The process of dying could potentially be a worry, as I'd hate to die too young, or a horrible or painful death, but I've never given a though about what comes after. Just concentrate on living the best life you can while you have it. If there's an afterlife, you'll hopefully have a good one if you've lived your life as a good, honest, nice person. If there's nothing after, then what's to worry about? You won't know anything about it.

Proseccoinamug · 14/06/2019 09:54

I’m terrified of death and of no longer existing.

For those scared of dying, I recommend a book called ‘With the End in Mind’.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 14/06/2019 09:54

What's the point in being scared of it? You'll never avoid it, whatever you do. So it seems like a strange thing to prioritise in your brain.

It's worse for the people you leave behind, and who knows, maybe there IS a fantastic afterlife?

Fairylea · 14/06/2019 09:54

I am phobic about dying. Literally phobic and I am on the waiting list to have CBT for it because it is so acute.

For me a lot of it comes from having lost 3 close relatives (my mum, Gran and Grandad) to cancer and having looked after my Gran and Mum through both their illnesses. It is absolutely horrific and I genuinely have PTSD because of what I witnessed in their last few weeks.

I want to live forever. I have a disabled child and I worry what will happen to him when I’m no longer here. We have no relatives (other than dh and I ourselves). I developed severe health anxiety because of all this - I do have chronic autoimmune conditions anyway.

I read posts on here where people are not afraid of death / dying / their health / their future health and I am so jealous. I don’t think I will ever be able to get to that point.