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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are not scared of death - what is your reason?

292 replies

Vilanelle · 14/06/2019 09:38

For me, I am petrified of the idea. I wouldn't say it consumes me but if I do think about it, a wave of panic goes through me.

Do you think it is like birth - you don't know about it?

I had a dream last night that I was in a car accident and it felt like I could feel the life drawing out of me.

I can't wrap my head around the thought of not having any thoughts and just being nothing.

I would like to become more at peace with the though of dying, after all no one is getting out of here alive!

Tell me about your thoughts on death?

OP posts:
MadamMMA · 14/06/2019 10:13

I had CBT for this phobia but it didn't really help me, I take solace in the wise words of my DB 'Living forever??FUCK THAT' :)

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 14/06/2019 10:13

Like you OP I am utterly panicked by the thought of dying. I LOVE living and would happily live forever.

I put a small amount into a pension for each of my DC every month and the statements make me go cold as I realise I'll most likely be dead when they draw these pensions.

I used to be a catholic and had lots of lovely comforting thoughts but it all got taken from me by Torchwood of all the things. There was a scene when John Barrowman brought a dead person back to life briefly and he screamed that it was all just blackness. Totally affected me since then.

I do wish God exists but struggle to believe. I want my faith back!!!!

MsTSwift · 14/06/2019 10:13

You are mid life. When you ill or old you may feel differently. I work with the terminally ill the only person fighting and raging against it was a mother of toddlers. Usually it’s quiet acceptance

MadamMMA · 14/06/2019 10:13

Lifecraft Grin

vdbfamily · 14/06/2019 10:14

For me to live is Christ, to die is gain
That is a Bible verse and I share it because as a Christian I have nothing to fear from death. My brother is in last few months of life as was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumour 18 months ago. He should be dead already actually but is still cycling with his mates and generally living life to the max. When he talks about facing death, he is smiling with face aglow and looking forward to eternity with Jesus. We have actually had to point out to him that he needs to appear less happy and think more of the loss he will be to the rest of us , especially his lovely wife. You might think it is bonkers but it certainly helps with facing death and he inspires me every time I see him to consider every new day a gift and a blessing and try and treat it as if it may be my last, as it might indeed be.

MadamMMA · 14/06/2019 10:15

You could get a portrait like Dorian Gray?

Hotterthanahotthing · 14/06/2019 10:16

I am not scared of things that will happen.I would not like to die now because of my daughter but it has happened to people before and family would help.
My mum is 82,she has not lost her faculties and so is aware of her limited time and making the most of it.

HerondaleDucks · 14/06/2019 10:16

I suppose it depends on your personal beliefs about what happens next.
I do not fear death or worry about it because as far as I'm concerned when I die I don't exist any further. What's to be scared of? The thing that drives us is our consciousness and if that gets 'turned off' when we die, then we won't know about it or have any concept of it.
I think living with long term unbearable pain or the monstrosity that is dementia is far worse. I would rather be dead than live without mental capacity.
We are all on this earth for a very short space of time and rather than worry about things we don't understand or cannot experience until they happen is a waste of that precious time.

user1497863568 · 14/06/2019 10:16

I'm not but I am afraid of unjust deaths - not mine, anybody's.

Butchyrestingface · 14/06/2019 10:16

My relatively fit and healthy gran died at home, sitting in her chair and still holding a letter she was going to go and post later.

My seemingly healthy mother dropped dead and I found the body a few days later. Awful for me, but I never, ever doubted that it was best for her. I’m quite reconciled to going the same (family history) - I’d much rather that than some lingering, painful illness that deprives you of your dignity, independence and assets (if you have to pay for care).

Strugglingtodomybest · 14/06/2019 10:16

I'm not scared because I view it as part of life. It's inevitable and not worth worrying about imo.

MadamMMA · 14/06/2019 10:16

I'd go with reincarnation as a lovely thought to imagine or going back to being part of the earth

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 14/06/2019 10:17

I am and I'm not if that makes any sense.I used to be terrified of dying but then I had the honour to be with my beloved mum when she died of lung cancer. She just sort of unwound, nothing dramatic just very very peaceful.Of course I know it's not always like that but this is what I go on. The thing I am scared of is being in a coffin, or a morgue. The logical part of my brain knows that I won't know anything about it as I'll be dead but there's this little bit of me that gets freaked out by it.

However, the world existing for billions of years without me and will continue to do so.I don't believe in an afterlife, I liken it to a vacuum cleaner, you get switched off and that's that. The rational/logical brain and the emotional brain are different, once I find a way to merge the two hopefully I will feel better about the after death stuff. I worry too about being forgotten, I mean in a hundred years probably no one will know i ever existed.

Echobelly · 14/06/2019 10:18

My huband's very freaked out by death, but I'm OK with it. I mean, I'm a little scared of dying 'before my time', but otherwise I think death happens, and it happens for a reason.

I'm just reading the book 'Homo Deus' which talks about how humans are trying to achieve immortality and it might be possible for some people who are alive today and it made me think what an awful, horrible idea that seemed to me! You'd get so bored, you'd not be able to pass resources on to your children, the world would change in ways you just couldn't keep up with, you'd be terrified of accidents that might kill you etc. Having death is a much better idea.

Whatwillhappentomorrow · 14/06/2019 10:20

I fear living more than I could ever fear death. If anything the thought that one day it will all be over is quite comforting sometimes. Sorry I don't mean to sound really morbid!

We have gotten through childbirth. Why fear the pain of death? It will only be temporary.

Armadillostoes · 14/06/2019 10:20

I am not scared-partly because I believe in an afterlife (and if I am wrong it will just be like sleeping, which I love). And part because there are worse things than death in terms of dementia and other conditions.

PookieDo · 14/06/2019 10:21

I fear leaving my DC

I do have anxiety and I can struggle with this

darkriver19886 · 14/06/2019 10:22

I embrace death. I see it as inevitable. I have also been close to death 3 times in my adult life .

Original poster
Vilanelle · 14/06/2019 10:23

I think what scares me is that feeling of fading out, knowing you are about to die. That terrifies me! The feeling of life leaving your body.

But then I guess you don't know anything about it after

OP posts:
XXVaginaAndAUterus · 14/06/2019 10:24

I'm not afraid of being dead. At worst, I won't know about it.

I'm bothered about suffering, whether it's in the dying process or otherwise. I don't dwell on it, because what benefit does that have?

I don't want to die before my time, but then I believe it'll be the right time whatever.

I believe in reincarnation and that I've had lives before and will have future ones. That probably shapes my views.

endofthelinefinally · 14/06/2019 10:26

Since my son died I only keep going for my DH and my other DC. Otherwise I would really rather not be here. The pain and grief is so hard to live with every waking moment.
I fear getting old and needing care from others far more than death.

GingerRogers84 · 14/06/2019 10:27

I have a healthy respect for death and don't want to die yet but I don't fear it.
I fear having a long and painful death though. Sad
I do my best to stay healthy but also enjoy my life as you never know, it could be tomorrow or it could be in 50 years!

GingerRogers84 · 14/06/2019 10:29

Another thought! I read something ages ago that made me stop and think. It was a poem or something about how every year we pass through our future day of death without knowing but it is always there. Crazy to think of!

insecure123 · 14/06/2019 10:30

A friend once told me "Don't be scared of dying, no one ever came back and said they didn't like it!"

Now obviously that was said in jest but I just think when we are dead we either don't know a thing about it or we get to watch over our loved ones. No one really knows.

I do sometimes worry about having a horrendous death though I must admit. It is our only certainty in life though isn't it - that we will die. I believe in just enjoying life while we have it

NewarkShark · 14/06/2019 10:30

gingerroger yes, that’s in One Day isn’t it? (May be elsewhere too!)
I agree with you - I don’t want to die, I like living so it would be a shame. But I’m not scared of being dead as such.