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Original poster

To ask if you are not scared of death - what is your reason?

292 replies

Vilanelle · 14/06/2019 09:38

For me, I am petrified of the idea. I wouldn't say it consumes me but if I do think about it, a wave of panic goes through me.

Do you think it is like birth - you don't know about it?

I had a dream last night that I was in a car accident and it felt like I could feel the life drawing out of me.

I can't wrap my head around the thought of not having any thoughts and just being nothing.

I would like to become more at peace with the though of dying, after all no one is getting out of here alive!

Tell me about your thoughts on death?

OP posts:
Cakemadeoffruit · 14/06/2019 11:28

I was terrified of dying.

Then my beautiful DB died and we lived knowing it was going to happen.

Now I no longer fear death, because I know life is a while lot more scary.

That fear being gone is liberating.

The Kathryn Mannix 'with death in mind' book mentioned upthread is highly recommended.

LadyRannaldini · 14/06/2019 11:30

I love that people seem to look for things about which to be 'worried'!

I recall going to school, early 60s, and we were discussing if we would be going home that afternoon, it was the Cuban missile crisis and there was a very real threat of nuclear war breaking out. That was fear but there was nothing we could do about it!

Seriously think some, many, people on here need to lighten up.

Marinated · 14/06/2019 11:32

I believe that your brain, when it realises that the end of life is near, releases chemicals to protect itself (you). The chemicals produce feelings of euphoria and time gets lost within that. So for your family they may feel they are watching your final minutes, but for you, it may feel like you're riding that wave for months or years. No fear, no stress, just waves of joy. It's life's final gift to you.

LennyBelardo · 14/06/2019 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sarcelle · 14/06/2019 11:36

I saw my mother in law die a prolonged death. She really fought it. It was distressing to watch. There was no euphoria for her. One day, after not speaking for weeks, she sat up and said I can feel it coming, said with real terror. That has stayed with me, I was not frightened before that. Before that I saw my dad die in front of me of a heart attack. I want to go like him, it was like someone just flipped a switch and was gone.

shockthemonkey · 14/06/2019 11:40

I used to fear death, but the whole thing just got so exhausting.

I have been at the bedside of a loved-one while they passed away, and I could see how peaceful and even welcome it was for them.

So now I let myself worry about other things. As pp say, if we can go without pain then that's about as much as we can ask for.

PanteneProV · 14/06/2019 11:43

I wouldn’t say I love the idea, but it certainly doesn’t terrify me. The thought of my husband or parents dying is altogether more horrific.

I think it helps not to think of death as a ‘thing’ that happens to you. The thing that happens to you is life. Death is just the after - no different to the before. You won’t be frightened or in doubt or in pain when you’re dead. All of those feelings belong to life.

Babdoc · 14/06/2019 11:45

I’m looking forward to it. As a Christian, I believe I will be reunited with my much loved and missed DH, (who died 27 years ago), and we will both be surrounded by the loving presence of God.
Jesus gave us a promise that he would prepare a place for us. As he willingly suffered whipping and crucifixion on our behalf, made no financial gain from his ministry, and came back from the dead as proof of his identity as God incarnate, I trust him.
And I had a personal encounter with the presence of God at DH’s funeral, which gave me all the proof I need.

mummyhaschangedhername · 14/06/2019 11:45

I was raised religious and that brought an enormous amount of peace. Since I moved away from religion I can't say I feel more scared or worried about death. The only think I really fear is what happens to my children if I die when they are young. I have a husband who is a Great Dad and my parents are very involved but two of my children have special needs and I know all the things I do to make things run smoothly and support them and I those aren't the things my family would think about or be able to do (things like getting right support at school etc).

Me actually dying, I'm not scared, why would I be? You just cease to exist and that not really scary is it?

Ellabella989 · 14/06/2019 11:46

I fear dying too young or having a painful death such as being murdered, dying slowly from a terminal illness or being in a fatal accident.
Dying in old age warm in my bed without pain doesn’t scare me though. I hope I’m lucky enough to get that sort of ending.
I agree with a pp that hopefully it will be legal to be shot like a horse if I become terminally ill and dependant

BrokenWing · 14/06/2019 11:49

Not scared of death (as long as its not a painful one!), once you are gone its over, done, and there is nothing to worry about.

It does cross my mind at times with the main concern ds, dh is an adult and would need to get on with it the same as I would if anything happened to dh. I worry about how it would impact ds, for example dh is very laid back about school Hmm and i could see him not encouraging ds as much as I do or letting him bunk off with a minor cold etc. I am also the main driver in making sure ds doesn't spend his life on his PS4, encouraging physical and social activities whereas dh is much more of a lazy git homebody.

Once ds is through is education and an independent adult I will have few concerns other than just not wanting to die yet!

Titsywoo · 14/06/2019 11:50

I used to be terrified of it. I spent about 13 years with extreme health anxiety due to my fear of dying young. Then I decided I wanted to volunteer and a place came up being an emotional support person for people with terminal illnesses. I spent 12 weeks training for it (once a week plus a weekend) and we spent a lot of time talking about death and did several very difficult exercises where we had to think we were dying and what we would feel, who we would miss, who would miss us etc. It was very very hard and we all cried a lot. But it was the most cathartic thing I have ever done. Now I volunteer every week and have met some lovely people and death no longer frightens me. From the people I have met who are terminally ill none of them are afraid. The body and mind come to terms with death when it is near.

Titsywoo · 14/06/2019 11:53

You won’t be frightened or in doubt or in pain when you’re dead. All of those feelings belong to life.

Absolutely. The saddest things I have encountered in my job have been the lives of other people not their deaths - lack of friends or family, people who are unsupportive to those who are dying, bad luck in life.

Instatwat · 14/06/2019 11:54

I lost a daughter when I was 5 months pregnant. I’m not religious but if I die at least we’ll be in the same “place”. I don’t want to die right now, but if it happens I don’t think I’ll be terrified.

blackteasplease · 14/06/2019 12:04

It's more the idea of dying unfulfilled that I'm scared of.

Karmin · 14/06/2019 12:09

I would welcome death, it would be an end to the pain I feel every day, the children have dads who are a better parent than I am so they would be ok. I feel that my death will be a relief for others.

But I know this is simply a symptom of my mental health (Or lack thereof) so I fight acting on it.

Bluerussian · 14/06/2019 12:12

I'm not scared of death. The manner of death, yes;, eg having a horrible accident, being disabled for a while or a painful, drawn out illness but not scared of dying itself. Obviously I hope I go quickly :-).

I've dreamed I was dying and a couple of times thought I was. Very realistic too (as far as I can tell, I've never actually died to be able to tell for certain).

I'm not someone who would hang onto life at all costs and am inclined to depression, maybe that's why I don't actually fear death.

kissmelittleass · 14/06/2019 12:13

The thoughts of dying have consumed my thoughts daily since I was a kid. The fear of losing my parents now they are older is at the front of my mind a lot it just scares me and makes me upset, I can't bear the thought of them not being here.
I worry about my kids especially the older boy who is now driving I am relieved when he gets home safe especially since a couple of his friends were killed in two separate car accidents so you can understand my fear there.
For myself I want to live forever I love life and am frightened to 'death'!! Of dying and not being here anymore. I am scared, I think of it daily and shake with the fear of being underground not existing breathing anymore.
It is something I've feared since I was a child and became worse when my sisters friend who was always in our house got killed.
Getting older and nearer to death as such gives me a nervous disposition literally!! Finding comfort in knowing I'm not alone as in real life it's hard to discuss my feelings without it being brushed off with a 'well we all die none of us are here forever ' attitude!

caringiscreepy · 14/06/2019 12:16

Oh Karmin Thanks I'm sorry you feel like this and hope you have someone to talk to. After 2 recent brain surgeries I came very close to death and now have an entire new perspective on life. Basically fuck it, I want to enjoy every moment with my family and not waste my time being worried about things I have no control over. I used to worry all the time about death and was terrified of flying / getting cancer etc but now it all seems to have changed

pink412 · 14/06/2019 12:22

I’m not I had a near death experience when I had bronchitis. I was that weak I could not change tv channel while off for a month. But one day all my pain went I was in there was a bright white room and tunnel I was going down all very peaceful and no pain. Then I was back in the room in pain and the tunnel had gone.

No not scared

I was a non believer before

SnaccidentsHappen · 14/06/2019 12:28

I wouldn't say I'm scared of death as such, I would like it to be peaceful though. But the scariest thing is the people I would leave behind

riotlady · 14/06/2019 12:32

I’m scared of dying while my daughter is young, I hate the thought of her growing up without me.

I’m not scared of death itself, really, as I’m a Christian and find my faith very comforting.

mycatismeowican · 14/06/2019 12:32

I'm not scared because 😐 I'll be dead and unaware of any of it. It's inevitable too so why stress about what you cannot control

MrsElizabethShelby · 14/06/2019 12:35

I am afraid of being able to remember after death. I do not want an afterlife or a conciousness.

The thought of nothingness comforts me

WhiteRedRose · 14/06/2019 12:38

Those scared of dying are those that have not lived, isn't that what the saying is or something?

I think if you're happy in life and are truely satisfied and not scared to 'live' then you're less likely to fear death.

I am mostly looking forwards to the endless sleep, peace and calm. Sleep is my favourite thing.