Being Bullied Again - Is It My Fault..??

[BathshebaKnickerStickers]

My Other Current Thread

I was bullied as a school girl - dumpy, fat, definitely not pretty or popular

I was a victim of domestic abuse in my mid 20s

I was a victim of workplace bullying in my late 20s/early 30s

I'm now 48, and again, a victim of bullying in a Uniformed Organisation (details in my other thread, linked above).

I try my absolute best to be friendly, help everyone, judge no-one, and at work I am the "worlds best team player and have the most can do attitude ever" (actual quote).

But I also have very low self esteem, have suffered depression in the past and been on anxiety medicine for years.

You know that thing that's said - I can't remember the perfect quote - that if every friend keeps falling out with you, maybe its not THEM that are unlikeable, maybe its you...…

If I keep on being bullied - and its a 45 year history, maybe its not them...maybe its me...

In the situation in my previous thread I have ABSOLUTLEY no idea what I have done to deserve this - it all blew up on a camp weekend and I have relived and relived everything I did that weekend and I absolutely cannot see what I did wrong. Other leaders have either said I did nothing wrong (the main bully) hasn't said a single word to me since, so I have absolutely no idea what her problem with me is.

But maybe it is me...??

(Oh I work in a job where I cannot mn at all during the day so I will read every reply but I might be a while in answering questions etc)

Being honest op - you bandy around words like “whistleblowing, bulling and safeguarding” all serious, life changing accusations for the person accused (am thinking of that awful Roxanne pallet here).

This will make people extremely wary of you, and being honest almost makes you the bully

I have a friend at work like this OP takes every single thing personally as if it is about her it is draining. I remember one time I was having a really bad day at work with other stuff going on and I must have blank her in the corridor and then in the kitchen. She complained about it to her manager and I got asked about it. She also thought she heard other people talking about it and having heard me saying stuff (I didnt she misheard stuff)

None of it at all was about her but it certainly affected our relationship for a long time as in effect she made it all about her and I avoided her for awhile in case I got in trouble again

It's definitely not a safeguarding concern. If you are a guider, you should have done at least level 1 safeguarding on Go. I would agree however, that it's not safe being under ratio.

I suspect the relationship is irreparable and you should find another unit for your daughter. I'm sure another unit would be over the moon to have you help though - everyone makes mistakes.

@Quartz2208 I have a friend like this adm you have my sympathy-

After the update she sounds quite unstable and not really fit to be a leader if she prioritises her own need for a phone call over the children that she's supposed to be supervising. Doesn't really seem to be about you personally though which was your original question.

she sounds quite unstable and not really fit to be a leader if she prioritises her own need for a phone call over the children that she's supposed to be supervising.

She sounds like a human being with problems that she was trying to deal with and the OP chose to take things personally and make things worse for her rather than help.

The children were safe, there were two other adults, they knew where she was and could have got her in an emergency.

I'd say you're far too sensitive OP and that someone not wanting to be your friend or engage much with you, is not bullying.

Maybe looking back a lot of the bullying you experienced was just perceived slights and other kids and adults just not being interested, like happens to most and they just shrug and move on. Is that possible?

All the initial posters that, on the basis of minimal information, come on board with absolute confidence that “it isn’t you OP, it’s them”. “Ignore them, they have the problem, not you”.

And in a very short period of time it begins to emerge that perhaps this isn’t the case at all

I work with a woman who gives a similar account of having been bullied all throughout her childhood, school, college and every job she’s ever been in. Initially, everyone was horrified for her. She seemed pleasant enough and none of us could see why anyone would target her.

Over the years, it has emerged that whenever she had a normal falling out with other children (as all of us would have done at various points in our childhood) her parents would swoop in and insist she was a victim of bullying, removing her from various groups when the ‘bully’ wasn’t immediately excluded. By the time she reached adulthood, the damage was done and now she firmly believes that if anyone doesn’t want to be her exclusive best friend and spend their entire work day talking about kittens, then they are clearly bullying her.

Nobody deserves to be bullied, either as a child or as an adult. And bullying definitely happens in all stages of life, I wouldn’t dispute that. I don’t think that there is a problem with you that makes people bully you. I suspect that the problem is that you may have a fundamental misunderstanding of what constitutes bullying.

That's so damn frustrating that she doesn't just tell you.

She's being very pathetic not telling you. It's childish, even if you had done something wrong.

I think it’s you . For whatever reasons this friend doesn’t sound like she wants to be your friend anymore . That’s not bullying ! You need to find ways to resolve issues like this yourself without running to someone else to do it for you .

Some children are becoming so used to accusing another child of bullying because they don’t want to play with them or don’t want to share their colouring pencils or they didn’t invite them to their party that they aren’t developing any resilience whatsoever .
The above aren’t examples of bullying either .
One of the most important concepts children need to be taught is consent . Your child may have special needs but my child does not have to play with them if they don’t want to or stand by while they hit them.
Your friend doesn’t for whatever reasons ( she doesn’t have to share these with you ) want to be your friend anymore . Let it go .

I would check the policies, most company policies will have a definition of bullying. Being ignored is a form of bullying, and it doesn’t have to be a group of people doing it. In my workplace the definition of bullying is very clear and they do not tolerate people ignoring other staff members. Often people are unaware that it is bullying behaviour. You have tried to address it with her, she doesn’t want to talk to you, take to the level above her and explain that there is an issue that needs to be addressed. If she won’t help then go above her to the next level.

Your immediate issue is finding out why she won’t speak to you, it sounds like there were issues between the two of you for a while before this came to a head.