Very large lady next to me at theatre

[redbedheadd]

Went to theatre today and the lady next to me was so large I was left with no space at all. My legs were aching by the end as they were pushed together and I couldn't move at all. She kept repeatedly elbowing and jostling me without an apology.

AIBU to be irritated?

quickquestion that's an interesting opinion that is completely and utterly incorrect.

The medical literature says that the rate of recovery to a normal range weight for people who are morbidly obese is 1 in 677 for women and 1 in 1290 for men.

So in reality almost noone who is significantly over weight can lose weight.

Different thing Lola. Your example is about behaviour. Intolerance at its worse is not so much about behaviour. And I happen to think that suggesting special fatty seats and/or showings shows intolerance of the person not the behaviour. Maybe my yellow star comment went too far and I apologies to anyone who is offended. But I am offended by some of these comments that look to promote division between people just living their lives.

As a formatlly very skinny woman who ballooned in weight a few years ago and still hasn't lost it, I can see both sides. I've been stuck and squashed next to a large person plenty of times, but it's a whole other level when it's as OP is describing and you're in a lot of pain from being squashed. I once had to leave a theatre limping because the person I was sat next to squashed me so much that I lost the feeling, and I suspect did some minor nerve damage. It is a really horrible situation.

On the other hand, now that I'm much larger, I try to be as considerate of other people as possible, and sit in aisles where possible. But even when I'm squidging my legs together as hard as I can, my big hips and fat thighs can encroach into the space of the person next to me.

It's about being considerate to others, but also as society becomes larger, it's up to businesses to reflect this in their seat size.

Can’t believe someone compared fat shaming to the fucking Holocaust. An idiotic comment in every way, since being fat is very visible as it is, so the arm bands are not even needed and it’s not a good analogy?
And while I think I’d try and be understanding towards a fat person sitting next to me (it’s happened before, on a flight, I was pregnant and it was very uncomfortable but I felt sorry for the lady and wouldn’t dream of asking to be moved) I wouldn’t be happy with the elbowing which they obviously have control over.

I can't believe people are having a go at the op. Why should she be uncomfortable and have her enjoyment ruined just because someone didn't book two seats, that they clearly needed. Its not being intolerant not wanting your space invaded.

@M3lon I wonder what weights they’re talking about though?

Ivana I think it was 1 in 100 for the merely obese....still not good odds are they?

I don't know why people persist in thinking that fat people can simply lose weight. Its genuinely not significantly more of a choice than your height!

I mean you could have surgery for either...but its probably going to TAKE surgery for either to make a real difference.

I'm just on the limit of overweight before it becomes obese. I easily fit in all transport and theatre seats I have ever been anywhere near.

I think to be overspilling you must be in the morbidly obese category - and hence in a situation that almost no one can rectify for themselves through diet or exercise.

Less calories eaten + more calories burned through exercise = weight loss

Trying to argue with that is just ridiculous. It must be extremely hard to do it, don’t get me wrong, especially if you’re so overweight that you struggle to walk/exercise, and a constant fight to not fall back into old habits, but it’s doable.
I know several people who have made it from very obese to a healthy weight, and they look and feel fab. It can 100% be done.

gonna the science says its a tiny minority that do it...1 in a hundred from obese and 1 in a 1000 from morbidly obese.

What is the point in saying anyone can do it, when it obvious that almost no one can?

What a nasty thread ' I would stay at home if I were so big' etc... no one knows a persons situation or reason.
My mum became very big at one point, not long before she died from cancer, this was due to chemo and meds she was on.
I remember getting her a cup of tea once, whilst she was sitting on a seat next to a lake 2 elderly ladies were walking in front of me and one said to the other 'we could both sit there if she moved' then collapsed with laughter...at my mum, can you believe the hurt and anger? The only reason I kept schtum was because My Mum would have heard and I could never have told her, she was self conscious enough about it anyway.
If she was up to it, I would have taken her to the theatre too, why shouldn't she go and enjoy life?
I never judge, its nasty and hurtful...no one knows the full story.

What else is she supposed to do? Stay at home so as not to offend anyone with her fatness
Well, she could book two seats insteadnof knowingly using part of someone else’s instead.
You pay a price for a seat of a specific size, if you need more space then just pay for it. The same way as a family of 4 pays more for a hotel room than a family of 3. And the same way as weight, number of DC is not always a personal choice, I had twins, I still accept to pay for an extra space even though it just happened, the same way as someone could be extra heavy due to illness.

No one here says overweight people should just stay home for real. That would be horrible.
However, people have to realise that they have to make arrangements to accommodate their size without impacting others.
I am size 20 and I am aware of it. I don't encrouch into other seats, for example on a plane, but I fill mine which means I take armrests. So I pay extra 3 quid and get a window seat where I can make myself comfy and ensure I am not touching the other person in any way. If i was bigger, I would buy 2 seats. And I don't want to be touched too tbh.
What would happen if an obese person ended up squeezing someone with medical condition? It happens irl. Who is in a wrong? Who is the "oh poor you" in that situation? Ill? Obese? Both? What would we do about it? Nothing? Told off the ill person for complaining?

If you can't fit into one seat, you must buy two or suitable seat where no one is on one side of you. It's really not that hard nor it is impossible to do. And it's not nasty to say so.

nannytothequeen
The reason I did that example was because a toddler squeezing next to a parent on a seat and thus spilling over into someone else's seat is the same principle.

Nobody should have to to be squashed and uncomfortable because someone else hasn't booked two seats who needs it.

People who are larger aren't daft. As shown by people on this thread, it's more the possible to book an aisle seat for things etc. Expecting other people to be hemmed in is unreasonable. What if the OP had one person either side of her taking over part of her seat? Is she expected to not be annoyed at all and celebrate difference because to point out being in pain is fat shaming? Because that's what some replies are saying.

Whilst there is no easy solution (making seats twice the size they currently are to accommodate the minority who are rather large seems to be a terrible business plan), ultimately it's not that unreasonable to not want someone else spilling into your space.

Most of us have had a screaming baby or antsy toddler make a journey far less pleasant. What do you do tut and scowl or mentally shrug?

YANBU to be annoyed. I flew for 12 hours recently with a massive dude next to me.

I actually got ill at one point. My blood pressured dropped probably due to inactivity.

thighofrelief101
As long as they weren't in my space and the parents were attempting to calm their child I wouldn't be bothered. I would chalk it up to one of those things.

If I couldn't get comfortable in my seat because the child was part in my seat and all their stuff was in my leg room then I would politely ask that they allow me to use the space around my seat and move their child to a better position/stuff somewhere else.

Yeah, it's annoying. But believe me, the other woman KNOWS she's in your space. She KNOWS she's large. She's feeling just as uncomfortable about it as you are.

YANBU here, but it's just a case of "no one's a winner".

If she KNOWS she's in her space, she should pay for two seats. It's not fat shaming, it's fat consequence.

To be honest who cares if the larger lady knows she's taking up someone else's space? They need to book two seats rather than spilling over onto other people.

*Yeah, it's annoying. But believe me, the other woman KNOWS she's in your space. She KNOWS she's large. She's feeling just as uncomfortable about it as you are.

YANBU here, but it's just a case of "no one's a winner".*

There is a solution🤷‍♀️ It really doesn't have to be that no one is a winner.
Book adequate seating. Like many of us do. That's it. May it be aisle seat, or 2 if needed.
There is no logical reason to be physically uncomfortable when options are there.

OP YANBU, and all those saying ‘seats just aren’t large enough to accommodate an expanding nation’, why should a theatre spend thousands on refurbishing their buildings with larger seats so that people with poor self control can go to the theatre. They would lose money as the larger seats will take up more room meaning less ticket sales. That money, if it’s available, should be spent on maintenance and increasing wages. Why does the world have to adapt to some people getting bigger when those people could lose weight without costing a penny to anybody.

If you are bigger person and don’t want to make the effort to lose the weight that’s your call, but do the decent thing and buy two tickets when you fly or go to the theatre, it’s just common courtesy.

And the tall person ‘argument’ is silly, tall people cannot help being tall and even if they encumber your view, they aren’t causing you any physical discomfort by taking up part of YOUR seat or digging their elbows and knees into you!

Since there is a positive correlation between obesity and low socioeconomic status purchasing two ticket is not likely to be a viable solution to this problem

@zingally
Yeah, it's annoying. But believe me, the other woman KNOWS she's in your space. She KNOWS she's large. She's feeling just as uncomfortable about it as you are.

YANBU here, but it's just a case of "no one's a winner".

If she knows, then she should book two seats.