Very large lady next to me at theatre

[redbedheadd]

Went to theatre today and the lady next to me was so large I was left with no space at all. My legs were aching by the end as they were pushed together and I couldn't move at all. She kept repeatedly elbowing and jostling me without an apology.

AIBU to be irritated?

@thighofrelief101 - well there's a reasoned argument

Be overweight if you want, just don't expect me to donate half my expensive theatre seat to you.

Zonkin I have never said I am overweight. You are incredibly obtuse, you have had it explained to you many, many times that obesity (morbid obesity) is not a choice, it's a medical condition. Protect your theatre seat all you want, whilst I cut the head off the tall person who blocks my view.

That is the me, me, me attitude that obsessing over your portion of seat displays.

Hopefully you'll just stay at home instead! Yu can then sit in as many seats as you want without having to share with the disgusting fatties.

Pol high fucking five.

Bjorn you weren't being pompous, I just slightly lost my temper randomly.

This thread has been interesting to me. At a musical a couple of years ago, my daughter and I found ourselves sitting behind two young women wearing messy buns on top of their heads. The buns honestly blocked our view so please consider this hairstyle when going to the theatre! My daughter was only 13 so I asked for a seat cushion for her to lift her up a bit but we were refused by the usher. Fortunately, there was a block of empty seats not far from us so when the lights went down we made a dash for it. My daughter was mortified by this but a nice lady next to us whispered to her that, "Everyone does it".
We always chose upper circle which I prefer, but after that I resolved to always book upper circle front row, and that's what I've done and it's been great since then.
Now, I'm going to add aisle seat to my selection as I'm an 18-20. My daughter is tiny so I can always lean in her direction but I don't like the idea of people viewing me with dread when they see they're going to be sat next to me. It's not any hardship for me to do that.

Zonkin

Do you mind if I ask you some questions? Do you agree with any of the following statements:

a) At least with Nigel Farrage you know where you stand.
b) Theresa May has been doing her best
c) They say we have global warming, but it's been freezing for the last two weeks.
d) we hear lots from so called experts, but they mostly talk a load of rubbish.
e) anecdote and evidence are interchangeable

The problem is pat the point of sale rather than delivery. There is no larger seat option to take. There isn't an option saying "if your circumference is > 50 inches please book Block A" or "if you are taller than 5'10" please book Block B".

People can only buy what is on sale.

Naked you are better than cherry 🍒 madeira cake

I do often think that a contributing factor may be that many women think that lifting weights will make them bulky. As a guy, weights were one of the first things they showed me at the gym, but I see relatively fewer women doing serious weight training.

There's no two ways about it that lifting weights is a good way to be able to eat a decent amount whilst staying relatively lean (I eat around 3000=3500 a day and stay between 10=15% body fat).

One of the trainers at my gym is an elite level female lifter (sponsored by nutrition companies etc) and has a truly enviable figure. She's always saying 'weights don't make women big, cupcakes do.'

Cupcakes dont make women big, either. It's not particularly helpful to demonize any particular foods when in reality, a cupcake as part of a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle is perfectly fine. It contributes to the cycle of fat people staying fat when you imply that they're too greedy to care about themselves.

As an aside it's also damaging to view fat people as an inconvenience who have no place in a theatre and presumably should have simply gone home in a flurry of shame and humiliation the second they realised the seat didnt fully accommodate them.

Pol there's something about obesity and sin and greed that is warped in human consciousness.

a cupcake as part of a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle is perfectly fine

This is pretty much it and to be fair I eat at least one chocolate bar a day - I'm still able to get all the nutrients I need from the remaining calories.

However, at the start when I was eating ~2000 cals a day and training hard to try and lose fat, I had absolutely no room for crap in my diet. A Belgian bum, for instance, would be almost 25% of my daily intake so I'd either have to starve myself for the rest of the day (often leading to binging out) or do an extra half hour cardio on top of my usual workout. It was hard enough to hit my macros for protein and fat without adding sugary stuff - I'd always seem to run out of calories when I still needed to have x amount of protein or needed my post workout shake.

For the average women it's even harder as said Belgian bun would be almost 1/3 of their daily intake.

I mean, it's really hard to eat 1000 cals of chicken and vegetables compared to 1000 cals of greggs. I can easily eat 3-4000 cals at greggs and still be hungry a couple hours later.

Anyway, worried I'm derailing this a bit now...

Pol there's something about obesity and sin and greed that is warped in human consciousness.
I wonder if it's not really embedded in human consciousness, only because lots of societies do value fatness. Is it Bible based?

I was going to suggest the bible actually. Isn't 'gluttony' one of the seven sins?

It is reading some of the comments on this thread that has solved the mystery of how Trump got into power and Johnson has his foot in the door.

Comments like having a fatty section - this is what society has come to?

Where do you stop with this?

'Dear Theatre, please seat me next to people who are just like me. Not too small (a child for example - oh no!), not too big (a fatty), not too tall in front of me (height to be determined in proportion to my own), not too noisy but not too quiet that I can't turn around for a chortle and pearl clutch with them if we spot a fatty... someone just like me please"

Have we become so isolated that we can't bear to run the risk that we might have to sit next to people who aren't just like us?

We'd rather people who are fat stay indoors than enjoy the theatre if it means we are inconvenienced by their presence?

What if your friend was overweight and broke down saying someone had been a shit to her by suggesting she should sit in a fatty section? Would your agree or comfort her?

The judgement and vitriol towards obesity on this last page or so in particular is so nasty.

I totally agree with the comparisons to anorexia. I have anorexia. I am afraid of eating, afraid of feeling full and hate the feeling of having food in my stomach. Eating makes me feel things I don't really want to deal with. Not eating makes me numb and means I can just focus on that and the empty feeling, not on anything more complicated. It's comforting and a coping mechanism.

COE and Binge Eating Disorder can have such similar feelings and reasons - so similar that they can be treated together. Sufferers can be afraid of not eating, afraid of feeling empty and struggle with not having food in their stomach. Not binge eating makes them deal with things they don't really want to deal with. Eating makes them numb and means they can focus on just that and the full feeling, not on anything more complicated. It's comforting and a coping mechanism.

Additionally, both types of self abuse can be a response to abuse and trauma - especially in people who are subconsciously trying to be conventionally unattractive to protect themselves from a situation they have gone through.

COE and BED and hugely more common than anorexia. It's not a stretch to say that a large number of morbidly obese people will have one of these conditions. And pretty likely that everyone that big will have either a physical or a psychological problem that's causing their weight.

Anyone who gets too big to fit in a theatre or plane seat has a bigger problem than poor diet choices or liking cake too much - that's more for people who are overweight or 'just' obese. In someone without a problem, being overweight might be easier than changing diet or 'worth' the food they love. Being morbidly obese and having their life severely compromised would not. The need to change would automatically kick in in a physically and mentally healthy person before it got to that point. That's why most people do not eat themselves to death.

Well said manicindimniac it’s what many of us have tried to say, but didn’t manage as well. People just don’t want to listen though that the obesity caused by over eating is generally driven by past trauma. Maybe people will listen when it comes from a person who isn’t obese?

Sometimes I wish we did have an edit mode - I’ve akeays voted against it as it would be abused, but ....

Obviously my comment was to manicinsomniac not the nonsense the iPhone changed it to!

was going to suggest the bible actually. Isn't 'gluttony' one of the seven sins?

Who cares? Certainly not-me

I’m pretty sure childhood abuse & childhood or adult sexual abuse are far greater sins and they’re often the cause of over eating

I’m not sure how illness fits into your bible explanations (nor do I care to) but as you seem so sure it’s the answer to life.. feel free to have my illnesses and other health issues then you can find bible quotes to fix them.

I’m pretty sure the bible bangs on about tolerance etc as well, maybevthere ste parts you need to re read?!

I’m not sure how illness fits into your bible explanations (nor do I care to) but as you seem so sure it’s the answer to life.. feel free to have my illnesses and other health issues then you can find bible quotes to fix them.

I’m pretty sure the bible bangs on about tolerance etc as well, maybevthere ste parts you need to re read?!

What on earth are you on about? I'm not even religious.

I was commenting in response to the previous poster who mentioned that religion might play a part.

Yes if I have paid for my expensive theatre seat then I want to use it. My much look forwarded to night out is about me.

Conditions and illnesses are treatable (mostly). You are choosing not to seek help with that. I know that in my NHS trust programmes are run with group discussion, and gentle exercise sessions in the park. Referrals are made by GPs. Additionally, subsidised gym places are given. The take up is very low.

If you had a broken leg you wouldn't stay at home and not seek help. It's the same here. You have made a decision not to deal with it.

Being overweight to the extent that you can't fit into a theatre or airplane seat must be compromising your experience. And still you don't seek help.

@nakedscientist I'm not sure what any of those statements have to do with this discussion

I have no hatred towards overweight people. I never said I did. All this talk about sin and greed is nonsense. You're projecting. The seven sins is a christian concept. I'm not christian.

Being quite muscular I'm not particularly squashable, but in instances where I've been wedged between two people in the past, I find interlacing your fingers and angling your elbows out usually does the trick.