Very large lady next to me at theatre

[redbedheadd]

Went to theatre today and the lady next to me was so large I was left with no space at all. My legs were aching by the end as they were pushed together and I couldn't move at all. She kept repeatedly elbowing and jostling me without an apology.

AIBU to be irritated?

I have no issue with them raising it.

I do have an issue with them not considering anything else. Eg wheezing is due to fat (true). But a quick test also would have identified asthma (also true) and identified inhalers to help manage the symptoms. Not take away conversation about weight, but supplementary.

This would have helped me step up exercise earlier.

And yes. I am still very very very overweight. Was even more so before. But I am still human.

If people want to be fat it's their choice. No judgement, no justification necessary. Who cares. Same with all life choices.

Just don't make your choice spoil other people's experiences.

If you have an issue with seating/the person next to you/whatever either go and deal with it at the time with the theatre/airline/etc staff or shut up. Moaning after the fact is pointless

@Sunshineboo - your life your choice.

Nobody thinks you don't deserve quality of life.

You know the options available to you.

Just don't make your choice spoil other people's experiences

I could say this about a dozen lifestyle choices other people make. None of them receive the venom that fatness does. It's the last bastion of intolerance that is socially acceptable.

Aaaargh! Fat = choice. SO many people have come onto this thread to point out that’s not always the case.

Several posters on here have said they know they are overweight and that all overweight people are well aware of their size does it not follow that they all therefore know the cause?

See also this. Sorry, what? No one has come onto this thread and said ‘I’m fat because I eat too much’. It’s a complex issue. What if the cause is ‘I have a genetic disorder which makes it difficult for me to lose weight’? Or ‘I suffered trauma as a child and now I overeat’? Or maybe you are aware of your size but you don’t know the cause? You’re still definitely aware of your size.

Just live and let live! Someone was mildly inconvenienced during a theatre performance. Is this really where we want focus our collective attention?

I don't really care if you are fat or not. But I've paid £250 for a Hamilton ticket (for example) don't take up my space.

Same as I don't want to be sat next to a really drunk person, or smelly unhygienic person, etc.

Your choice is fine. Most people really don't care. But if I've saved up and paid out for a really lovely night out, I'm not going to compromise it for you. That would be me subsidising your experience without choice at the expense of my own experience

As we all know, most overweight people are overweight because they eat too much. I agree that there are underlying causes. It's the same with drug use etc.

But we don't tell junkies/alcoholics just carry on as you are. We'll be happy to sit next to you in the theatre/on the plane/etc

Yeah zonkin just sit on them. That’ll teach them

@zonkin I have to agree with you.

What about people like one pp who CAN'T bear physical contact. She had to leave a theatre. They don't give refunds for this, do they.
What happens when 2 issues clash? Is one going to be called selfish and intolerant too? Or sexual assault victim? Many can't really do physical contact with strangers like this too.
So I can very much see where lots of arguments are coming from.

I am actually honestly surprised how many people on mumsnet are ok with this close contact, considering majority doesn't seem to be able/willing to open door when someone knocks 🙈 Lighthearted poke

Project I was responding to a previous poster who stated that her considerably overweight friend refused to change her lifestyle because she enjoyed her food so, yes, that person knows exactly the cause of their being overweight and I doubt they are the only overweight person who does.

I don't agree that the OP was mildly inconvenienced, she was left with no space, aching legs, was repeatedly elbowed and jostled resulting in the whole experience being spoilt for her.

A pp said her mum ballooned due to taking steroids to battle terminal cancer. I really highly doubt hardly anyone who is morbidly obese is not dealing with a very significant physical or mental difficulty. We're not talking about the ordinary tubby person who has a tiny bit too much birthday cake too often.

See, i think the theme throughout this thread has been intolerance towards fat people.

@DogHairEverywhere - I don't care whether someone is fat/thin/in the middle/whatever. THEIR choice. But if I've paid for a seat somewhere then the understanding is that it is my seat. That's the contract that I made with the vendor when booking the seat. Do they sell the seat saying that you might not be able to use the whole seat?

@ProjectGainsborough - I really have no desire to sit on anyone. Nor do I have any desire for anyone to sit on me if, as in one of my examples, I have paid £250 for a Hamilton theatre ticket

DogHairEverwhere the OP DID tolerate it to her own detriment, where was/is the consideration coming the other way?

@thighofrelief101 - Really? I said MOST people are overweight because they eat too much. Of course steroids and illness affect weight. That is not the person's choice.

MOST are overweight because they choose to overeat. That is absolutely their right to do that. But it is a choice.

I make choices in life (not always great) and I make the choices of knowing the pros and cons (and sometimes decide I like the cons more). That is my right and I accept the consequences.

I don't expect others to subsidise my choices.

zonkin if I have paid £250 for a Hamilton ticket I expect to be able to see the performance. That is the contract I made with the vendor. If a tall person sits in front of me I cannot get what i paid for.

Tbh, I think if I were so large I was impacting someone else's experience I would either pay for two seats, or, if that wasn't possible due to the expense, consider whether going to the theatre was important enough to me to prompt significant lifestyle change.

You can't have it all and fuck everyone else.

@thighofrelief101 - good point. Generally, in my experience the theatre seats are staggered to account for that. They are all laterally shifted per row and on a slope.

Tallness generally doesn't cause other people problems. Fatness does. People have no choice about height.

No one has come onto this thread and said ‘I’m fat because I eat too much’

I agree it can be a complex issue, but then so is taking responsibility, which isn't always popular. I'm the first to admit I didn't like doing it myself when fat - though I didn't try to make excuses either and knew perfectly well I was just plain overeating

It was the discomfort and sheer self disgust which made me change in the end, along with my GP's constant remarks. I didn't much like those either, but even so it was obvious he was doing it for my own good - and he was right

I would prefer that intolerant bastards didn't leave their houses. They impact my enjoyment of so many things. I don't feel I'm getting what I pay for. To be intolerant and fattist is a lifestyle choice that negatively impacts on those around them.

@Puzzledandpissedoff yeah. I eat too much, didn't move enough.

For me the braking point was that I didn't want to go to a lovely cafe I actually really wanted to try on holidays, because the chairs didn't look trustworthy enough...

Most people aren't intolerant bastards.

You want people to sacrifice their enjoyment to enable your choices. And as I said, it is your right to make those choices. And I defend that.

It's my right to not want to sacrifice my money/time/enjoyment to enable that

It's all very well to build an argument based on Obesity is a choice; you can make this choice; but it's selfish;and I don't have to like it.

Whilst it is a choice to buy a car, fill it with petroleum and pollute our environment, the obese argument falls down since Iit is NOT a choice,in any reasonable description of a choice.

It is a condition which it is very hard to alter and any changes are almost always short lived.

And yes. I am still very very very overweight. Was even more so before. But I am still human.

Yes you are!