Very large lady next to me at theatre

[redbedheadd]

Went to theatre today and the lady next to me was so large I was left with no space at all. My legs were aching by the end as they were pushed together and I couldn't move at all. She kept repeatedly elbowing and jostling me without an apology.

AIBU to be irritated?

thigh because with a GP, the clue's in the "general" bit of their title and it's part of their role to consider all aspects of a patient's health

The weight's of no relevance to her value as a person of course, but it's a bit surprising to see a doctor criticised for simply doing their job

I think people have to be able to speak honestly about difficult positions they find themselves in due to another person’s weight - or height - affecting their enjoyment of a theatre visit or similar.

Our surgery regularly checked in on smoking, weight, blood pressure, alcohol consumption it's part of doing their job.

So does mine. They need to check your weight, because unexplained weight gain or weight loss can be a symptom of an underlying problem. If they don't weigh you regularly, they don't have a record for comparison.

No

Where? And why?

Imagine if I said that I did not want to ever sit next to anyone who eats curry due to the smell ruining my experience. Quite rightly there would be outrage

This is not a similar parallel.

This was me at a Harry Potter and cursed child showing. We booked aisle seats But when the tickets came they were actually five seats in. When we arrived, these seats were taken by a family. I explained to them that we requested an aisle seat due to my size but there had been a mix up. I explained I was worried about being too big for seat. The lady said not to worry it would be her sat next to me and her son needed the aisle seat for his long legs.

When I got in I realised I was completely jammed. My legs were practically under my chin and I swelled over the seat in every which way. It was mortifying and I kept on moving as I was almost panicking about the Jammed ness. But was conscious that this must have hurt my neighbour.

It was uncomfortable for the lady and my friend, and I was absolutely mortified. At the first intermission I spoke to the staff and they said the only option was to watch on the TV screen in the bar area. This was far from ideal but I did it anyway. It's not that family's fault that I am too big for the seat. And whatever the muck around with the seats, they had the ticket for the aisle seat.

We saw the whole show. Which is four parts and three of which I saw from the tv in the bar. Still loved it.

So I guess what I am saying is, sorry you were crushed. The lady was probably mortified, however I think you were lovely to sit in silence as it must have been horrible for you.

I don't Know what the solution is. I was so grateful for the theatre letting me watch it from the bar.

@Sunshineboo you are a lovely thoughtful person.

Ok here's a notion, if my friend goes to the doctor knowing full well she's overweight and knows all the health implications of that why can the doctor not speak to her about it once or twice and add it to her notes that it has been addressed with her?

Not bring it up on every single visit! Why is this necessary?

I've lost some weight now but I used to always book aisle seats, if I couldn't get an aisle I wouldn't go, with DH on my other side so as not to encroach on anyone.

It is a difficult situation though, I don't think fat people should not have to go to the theatre, or on planes etc. And I don't think they should have to pay for two seats either.

But I also don't think people next to them should be uncomfortable either.

I think the solution might be having a handful or larger seats available might be ideal, but then would people be too embarrassed to use them?

It's tricky.

I went three years with undiagnosed asthma as every time I saw the gp the instant response was it was my weight causing the wheezing.

When I went to see nurse about something else, I ended up having an attack mid appointment with the nurse. They called 999 and while waiting for the ambulance another doctor came out and instantly diagnose the asthma.

This is another crap thing about being fat. Yes the weight prob has something to do with everything, but it is not the only cause. My life has improved exponentially since having inhalers and I am able to exercise again.

She said she knows that ffs and sometimes she tries, she's more active than me and she makes some attempt but rather than ruin the quality of her life by obsessing with it she still enjoys her food.

It is perfectly possible to enjoy your food without eating so much of it that you become considerably overweight.

namechanged - I don't think the problem with bigger seats being available would be that people would be embarrassed to use them. I think it would be more that they'd be in huge demand - average sized people would book them purely for extra comfort. Theatre seats (especially up in the gods in old theatres) can be almost child sized and I can imagine many people of a size 12-16 would prefer a bigger seat if it was an option at booking. Then it would become really hard to get hold of tickets for them for those who genuinely need them. Unless they made them much more expensive, which I don't think should happen either.

If you had had a quiet word with the usher separately they may have been able to find you alternate seats.

It is perfectly possible to enjoy your food without eating so much of it that you become considerably overweight.

Agreed! I started losing weight the moment I stopped obsessing and dieting. Instead I started eating third smaller portions, have big lunch, salad for dinner and snack differently. I eat what I love, but just less and switched it around. No keto diets and similar. Normal food.
It's slow loss, but it's there and mainly, it's sustainable lifestyle.

Back to theatres. I don't think some can change seats because they might be listed? As @namechanged4u said. It's tricky.

@thighofrelief101
Presumably you wouldn’t be allowed to bring curry into the performance.

@DanglyTassles same happens when you are under weight at the GP. Not sudden weight change but naturally always smaller size. Everything is blamed on weight. Is that shaming me because of my size?

Why is (bringing up her weight on every GP visit) necessary?

Impossible to know, as a lay person who doesn't know your friend's full medical history

Perhaps the GP's noticed a worsening of some weight-related condition, or suspects a new one?
Possibly some fresh support's become available which they'd like to offer if she "qualifies"?
Maybe they feel the situation's now critical and that the message just hasn't "gone in" so far?
Or could be they're just thinking of their budget and yet more obesity-related spending?

Certainly there are some bad GPs among all the good ones, but overall I'd take their no doubt well intentioned approach over those patients who might prefer that their weight wasn't mentioned at all. FWIW I've been through this myself, and I didn't enjoy it any more than anyone else ... but we all sometimes have to hear things we'd rather not, and I'll always be grateful to the GP who prodded me into a much healthier lifestyle

Littlechoc I would say it's not as shaming but depending upon how the person feels about their smallness it could be perceived that way so unless the doctor is concerned about the weight dropping lower and lower or a perceived eating disorder needs to be ruled out I would have thought weight should only be addressed on occasion and notes kept of these conversations rather than continually weighing you and bringing it up as an issue.

The danger is when real life threatening problems could be missed (as with the poster above who needed a ventilator rather than another weight discussion) because all of the focus becomes about the size of the patient and not the information about the issue patient is trying to get across.

People who are very large know that they are, and people who are very small also know that they are. Acceptance of a person will help in every situation.

I understand Puzzled and I get where you are coming from but I do think in this case she is as fit as she can be, she often walks for miles.

She's more than aware of her weight yet lives a fulfilling life around it. I don't think it needs mentioning on every occasion. I'm certainly not suggesting the doctor never mention it at all but sometimes she needs real help with something unrelated and it can be brushed under the carpet to talk about how much she weighs.

Ok so original AIBU was about being irritated. It's fine to feel that, though OP should have said about the elbowing at the time. AIBU closed.

I'm anorexic (not nervosa), very small and incredibly touchy about my personal space so would have said something if it made me anxious. I wouldn't mind if I was sat next to a friend/relative who took up my seating.

You can't dictate about people's size however, you don't know the background. They're not being 'larger' to offend you. Seating is often shit in terms of space

It is perfectly possible to enjoy your food without eating so much of it that you become considerably overweight.

Yes it is Red , but at the same time for some people it really isn't as outlined by the scientists upthread. It's a condition and I'm not on this planet to judge that.

DanglyTassles if your friend does have a condition that causes them to be unable to maintain a healthy body weight then surely that justifies the GP's concern?

However, you stated that your friend is considerably overweight because she enjoys her food which suggests her intake is a choice not a, in your words, condition.

Several posters on here have said they know they are overweight and that all overweight people are well aware of their size does it not follow that they all therefore know the cause? I do not believe that every single overweight person has an underlying condition causing it, those that do should receive medical help to address it.

Hi. I have lost significant weight during that time, and the symptoms persist. Maybe they are better but they still persist. But I am
Still very overweight. Long battle for me
I am afraid.

And despite that, inhalers would have made my quality of life better during that time. If the initial gp had thought to test but she didn't -: she was so fixated on my weight. Which is kind of my point

But maybe you are the kind of person who thinks that fat people don't deserve quality of life. In which case you do not deserve, well anything.