Very large lady next to me at theatre

[redbedheadd]

Went to theatre today and the lady next to me was so large I was left with no space at all. My legs were aching by the end as they were pushed together and I couldn't move at all. She kept repeatedly elbowing and jostling me without an apology.

AIBU to be irritated?

Is it really a debate though. Sometimes in society, other humans will mildly inconvenience you. Does it take 13 pages of hand wringing to come to the conclusion that we have to rub along with each other? Or not.

Well precisely Project. We've had people on here apologising for their size and let's not forget the short, fat lying man who needed a winch. Did he fall on someone?

I just try to remember a very powerful lesson I learned from a thread years ago about whether a child with special needs should have left a theatre production because he was making very loud noises and the OP felt their ticket money was wasted - a person whose experience is spoiled by someone doing something they can't help is only going to have that one experience spoiled. The person who 'caused' the issue has to put up with judgement, disapproval and guilt every time they try to engage in a normal social life

Really hardly the same at all, is it?

Well judging by the judgement, disapproval and guilt on this thread (see the lady apologising a few pages back) yes it is the same.

Absolutely Thigh, it's the unpleasantness directed at larger people that is so horrid. Already, on this thread, we've heard from overweight pp's saying they don't like to go out and inconvenience others and have been made to feel ashamed. I've not read anywhere a tall person, saying they were made to feel uncomfortable at a theatre, or on a plane.
There is also a lack of education about obesity, pp's suggesting they should just 'eat less', if it were that easy, do you think people wouldn't have done that?

I have a good friend who is considerably overweight, well more than one but I make reference to one in particular.

She recently went to the doctors about an issue unrelated to weight and was told she was too fat and to lose weight. I was shocked! She told me that this was almost always what happens when she goes to the doctors. They want to weigh her and tell her she's fat and to lose weight.

She said she knows that ffs and sometimes she tries, she's more active than me and she makes some attempt but rather than ruin the quality of her life by obsessing with it she still enjoys her food.

Why can she not go to the doctors and have a small issue treated without being fat-shamed? Why should she have to go in there already on the defensive?

It's the last remaining 'difference' that seemingly can be shamed and this has to change. It is wrong to blame, or make a person feel 'less' because of the way that they are. Whatever it is that a person is, is of value. My friend is amazing, I've never met anyone so positive and insightful. She has huge value to offer to others and she shouldn't need to lose weight for others to respect her without judgement.

Well judging by the judgement, disapproval and guilt on this thread (see the lady apologising a few pages back) yes it is the same.

Judge it however you like, it's not the same, but I'm sure you know that.

You'd have to be a complete twat to not accept the inconveniences of life that stem from accommodating disabilities.

I'm happy to accommodate others disabilities, I would view myself as a disgusting person if I didn't.

I am also happy to accommodate others disabilities and would never consider any other way of being as an option.

If others' disabilities touch on my life, I will be inconvenienced for a small snapshot of the time they themselves are inconvenienced like every single fucking second of every single day so i think I can suck it up!

I'm fat. I also love the theatre. I
a) always book an end isle seat
b) never book a seat in the top tier (tiny seats, no legroom)
c) never book limited legroom seats in any tier
d) always sit next to friend/family.
I do this for my own comfort and so I don't annoy/disgust the general public with my revolting obesity

I wonder why all the tall people don't book the seats at the back of the theatre? Oh, perhaps it's because they haven't be made to feel ashamed of their bodies?

That is an excellent point Dog.

So how does moaning about the inconvenience cause by other people’s body shape NOT make you a complete twat?

Surely we live in a society with lots of other people and we just have to be tolerant. Plenty of things are inconvenient but we just have to have a bit of empathy.

We would do better if we worked together and wrote to the theatre asking them to think of ways to make everyone more comfortable. Advice about seat sizes, leg room etc maybe actually investing in making sure everyone has a comfortable visit.

So how does moaning about the inconvenience cause by other people’s body shape NOT make you a complete twat?

There is no power on earth that can stop me having a visceral reaction to someone essentially forcing their way into my space.

Note that I wouldn't moan at them, which would clearly be extremely twattish.

Dino, no one’s saying you have to love it. But it would be nice if people could be tolerant.

AlaskanOilBaron - I don't understand why it isn't the same?

You'd have to be a complete twat to not accept the inconveniences of life that stem from accommodating disabilities

Absolutely. But I think the same about accommodating anyone who is in a position where they inconveniencing someone due to something they can't help. Yes, you can make the argument that people can choose to lose weight/not get fat in the first place but it doesn't happen to someone overnight, isn't something they can cure overnight and, for many, is out of their control - either physically, mentally or both. My inconvenience will not be as big as their upset and shame - the upset and shame that they feel every day when they encounter all the different people that they briefly inconvenience.

I accept the point about the theatre being expensive. That was what made my feelings so confused on that thread years ago. It wasn't the people's fault that they couldn't hear the expensive show. But the child with special needs still had every right to be there and couldn't be quiet. The only way to solve that would, in my opinion, be for the theatre to offer refunds for people who couldn't access the show they have paid for properly - whether that's visually, aurally or due to discomfort.

I have a good friend who is considerably overweight ... she recently went to the doctors about an issue unrelated to weight and was told she was too fat and to lose weight. I was shocked!

But why would you be "shocked" that a medical professional highlighted issues of obvious concern? Clearly if they'd been downright rude that would be unacceptable, but then I imagine you'd have mentioned it - otherwise, given that they know better than most the risks your friend's taking, surely it's their job to take a holistic approach?

I just wonder if the "my weight mustn't be mentioned at all" thing hasn't gone a bit too far, when even HCPs are accused of "fat shaming" for simply doing their job

Puzzled if she went to the GP re a broken finger why would she be weighed.

@Puzzledandpissedoff agreed. No matter what I went with to GP he mentioned my weight and that I should lose some. It's his job. Same with smoking.

We would do better if we worked together and wrote to the theatre asking them to think of ways to make everyone more comfortable. Advice about seat sizes, leg room etc maybe actually investing in making sure everyone has a comfortable visit.

Exactly

I was in a library recently when a young man was there. He had extreme LDs and was making an enormous amount of noise. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I was very pleased to see it. His parent looked very uncomfortable and I could see very nervous in case someone complained. I know the librarian who asked me if I thought he should ask the young man/his parent to be quiet. It made me feel very sad.

@thighofrelief101 do they have quiet zone and general zone? Most libraries do nowadays.

NinjaInFluffyPJs
I was going to say the same thing re smoking.
Our surgery regularly checked in on smoking, weight, blood pressure, alcohol consumption it's part of doing their job.

There seems to be a lot of 'mentioning anything negative or anything other than positively affirming actions is triggering' at the moment. I'm not sure it's a health position.

Nin no, it's a community library rated than a research library.